Why is everyone so angry? Is it because they can't get their own way, or is it because people simply believe their purpose in life is to take care of themselves, and that others should do the same?
No matter what news channel you turn on, you hear about the horrific behaviour of your fellow-citizens or the misuse of democracy for personal or professional gain. Sadly, in the last 30 days, there are more examples to cite than I have room for in this blog, and frankly I am fed up about talking about them so why not talk about the cause -- our own behaviour or lack thereof.
There I said it: we are responsible for this mess, and by we, I mean all adults. Society today seems more like the Clint Eastwood film when he plays the crazy old man. Think about it: we complain, we harass, we hate.
Why and when did this happen? Over the holidays, I asked many people this question, and received answers that included Karl Rove, Ronald Reagan, Pierre Trudeau, the media, our parents, the Internet, and, finally, millennials, which is interesting, since they were born in the 1980s, and in no way are responsible for today's culture -- yet.
It is fascinating that no one took responsibility for this crappy society we have created. No one said, "Well, I didn't vote so, X was elected." No one said, "Well, I didn't speak up, so X was bullied." No one said, "Well, I didn't teach my kids personal responsibility, so they are not doing really well at work." Everyone blamed someone or something else.
Naturally, none of us did anything wrong. Everyone else did. All this hit home just after Christmas in my neighborhood.
I told my 12-year-old and her friend to go out and shovel the driveway of our neighbor who is blind. I was angry because my daughter hadn't thought of this herself. As I was storming out of the house and grabbing a shovel to help them, a man walking his dog asked me what was the rush and I explained. His response was as cold as the weather: "Why bother -- they can hire someone if they need the snow shoveled." I had to stop myself from going "Dirty Harry" on him. Doesn't he understand the perils of living on a fixed income; the need for living independently or at least believing you live independently? Or maybe he doesn't know who these neighbors are, or maybe he's just an ass. I decided on the last, and took the shoveling team down the street, my anger now directed at him rather than my daughter. But it gave me cause for thought. When the next snow came, not one other neighbor shoveled that driveway, not even the lawyer next door with the snow blower.
Now you may be thinking that I live in a horrible neighborhood -- I don't. I live on a picture-perfect, old-fashioned street with people that worry about themselves and their families. Are you any different? Is your neighborhood any different? I don't think so.
Our neighborhoods and our workplaces are the microcosms of our society. My research indicates that today's leaders and their followers are more focused on completing their tasks than they are on developing the people they work with. This means they aren't focusing on the people in their division. They focus only on the task their engaged in. In other words your employees are the man with the dog telling others to take care of themselves.
Research also proves that your employees are just like my daughter: pretending to be happy when I direct her to shovel. Employees are lying to you on their engagement surveys and their 360s because they know it's what you want to hear. Ask yourself do you believe that your employees really care about the firm or the quality of their work, or are they just staying at work to pay the mortgage because "it's a job"? Do you just believe those reports because it is easier than finding out the truth about your culture?
Does this matter to you? Does any of this matter? I don't know, but I do know that we will be doing a lot of shoveling this year.
Here are seven ways that friends can keep people healthier:
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From an ancient email forward:
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then you are probably the family dog.
Selfishness is a collective problem and a collective responsibility, reinforced through the way our lives are organized, most of which nobody has any control over. It's great you shovelled your neighbour's walk; that doesn't give you any authority to judge others. From the sounds of it, the only lesson your children are getting is that the purpose of charity is to make yourself feel better than other people so you can judge them. Sadly, as a social commentary that lesson WOULD accurately describe the purpose of charity in the world today.
The problem is, I'm sure that "ass" you complain about has his own acts of charity he feels good about, and he thinks you're an ass for not doing the same as he does, and he'd be right. Unless you live a christ-like life of total service to others you're in no position to deserve anything but criticism for your hypocrisy, same as everyone who thinks they're better than someone else.
She didn't shovel that driveway because she's unselfish; she did because she wanted to feel good about doing it. She wanted to feel like a righteous hero who stands up to the evil neighbours because she's better than them.
What she did is no less selfish than what her neighbors did.
It is possible to be selfless, and being selfless is more natural and meaningful than any selfish actions we can take. We don't have to act in our own interests all the time. Real charity comes from genuinely giving up your comfort, power and status to people who don't have them, and being grateful for the opportunity.
It isn't compatible with some competition to see who is holiest, and who has the high score. Competing to amass moral authority is no better than amassing money, power or any other commodity.
You kind of shot yourself in the foot, there, Ms. Donahue. You got angry. Why? Ask yourself some questions - was that the first time it had ever snowed in that driveway? I'm guessing the answer is no. Have you always cleaned it? I'm guessing the answer is no again. Who were you really angry with?
If you'd been silent and done the shovelling yourself, that would have set an example for your kids. Maybe they would have pitched in and helped, maybe not. Maybe they would have taken something positive away from it, maybe not. What you taught them was to be angry at people who don't live up to their expectations.
Compulsively cleaning
stove tops this morning
with the coffee growing cold,
singlemindedly ignored
on the computer desk,
while I put my life together
by removing carbon deposits
from needs gone by,
the soapy water squeaks:
smell the flowers,
put on some music,
in the silence there are answers
you might not want to hear.
Steadfastly standing adrift, I work
the stainless steel,
warm humming hands,
absent mind feeling
a need to see the shine
beneath the darkened patches.
Living in a village
ravaged by Progress,
the convenience of modern life
insulates
against needing each other
in real terms
until it is too late
and what remains leans heavily
on decorum,
making for a tiring journey
among refugees and racketeers.
Idle as these daydreams are
they are quickly surrounded by other chores
(the worlds great love -
things to do where you can find root cause)
...still, within the water,
buoyed by doing,
while servicing the debt of small isolations
from human fragility
I find myself thinking
of times gone by,
before the invention of the incredible human-shrinker
and the mad dash for the hills...
people used to worry
in groups.
And it seemed easier to see you were needed.
Why is simplicity looked down on?
Paper dollars greed and hate that is how we judge now. Free thinking is the curse to those in power.
We allowed the money changers power!