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Mitch Wolfe

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You Don't Need Jennifer Aniston's Bod to Be Great in Bed

Posted: 03/01/2013 8:52 am

One of the biggest myths perpetuated by countless women's magazines (Cosmopolitan, US Weekly) and some men's magazines (Esquire, Vanity Fair) is that a woman should have a toned, slim, tanned, curvaceous body, in order to be desirable in bed.

But the truth is that we men just want you to like us. Get naked with us. And, we hope, enjoy the ride with us. An "A" list body like Jennifer Aniston's is not required. Nor is a "B" or "C" list body, for that matter.

I feel compelled to retrace my steps on this sexual minefield because I believe my comments about Aniston and Angelina Jolie in my last HuffPost article were misinterpreted.

In that piece, I defended the attractiveness of Melissa McCarthy and Lena Dunham. I also speculated, perhaps too boldly, that Aniston and Jolie were so self-absorbed that they probably would be disappointing in the sack.

Marni Soupcoff, Managing Editor of HuffPost Blogs, in her own article, "The Week in Review: Boys, Girls, Bodies and Breasts," claimed that I lost some Prince Charming points because I undermined my chivalrous defense of women's imperfections by unnecessarily imagining that Aniston and Jolie would be disappointing in bed.

The point of that speculation and the point of this article is that a woman being physically attractive is not the end of the story. But just the beginning.

For a woman to possess a body like Aniston's does not automatically make her great in the sack. At least for me.

For me (and I am not speaking for all mankind, or even on behalf of my close friends), for a woman to be truly great, the couple has to be truly great together. It is a dance. A tango. Not two separate ships passing in the night.

Between the two of us, there should be playfulness, humour, a spirit of adventure. And at least some care and affection.

It is really about the head and heart. Not the size of the breasts. Or how firm, the body.

For me, humour is key. I know that sounds strange.

But getting naked with someone is inherently funny. Especially in the early stages.

As we try to navigate which legs go where. What about our arms? What side should we be on?

What's our most comfortable position? Facing each other. Top, bottom, on the side. Spooning.

How best to entangle and disentangle. Shuck and jive. Bob and weave.

And then we try to explore each other. What catches our breath? What's pleasurable?

What's not? If a woman can laugh with me, in the midst of this dance, then she has the potential for greatness.

For me. If she gets me. Laughs at my jokes. Makes me laugh. That is great.

Every relationship is different. Every woman is different.

Every guy has his ideal woman. And that ideal is as varied as the women in the world.

I still find women very mysterious and elusive. I am constantly being surprised.

Some women may enjoy being caressed on the small of the back. Others, soft kisses on the neck.

The back of the knee. An erogenous zone. Who knew?

Word to the wise, guys. What makes you warm, may leave your partner, cold.

For a woman to be truly great. She should, with humour, and patience, guide us through our fumblings.

Talk to us. Be intimate. Tell us what she desires. Ask us what we want.

Above all, give a damn. Be responsive. Because we care a lot. And bring your "A" game. Because the best of us are bringing our "A" Game. Flattery works with us, too. And if she actually means it. All the better.

To be truly great in the sack, for the two of us, there should be joy. The joy of discovery. Of intimacy. Of affection.

Of caring. And of foreplay.

Because when the foreplay becomes the play, the rest will take care of itself.

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  • HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 24: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the Oscars at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 24, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images)

  • Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives on the red carpet for the 85th Annual Academy Awards on February 24, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP/Getty Images)

  • HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 24: Actors Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston arrive at the Oscars at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 24, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES, CA - JANUARY 09: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the 39th Annual People's Choice Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on January 9, 2013 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images for PCA)

  • BEVERLY HILLS, CA - NOVEMBER 15: Actress Jennifer Aniston in the audience at the 26th American Cinematheque Award Gala honoring Ben Stiller at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on November 15, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

  • BEVERLY HILLS, CA - NOVEMBER 15: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the 26th American Cinematheque Award Gala honoring Ben Stiller at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on November 15, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

  • BEVERLY HILLS, CA - NOVEMBER 15: Actresses Christine Taylor (L) and Jennifer Aniston attend the 26th American Cinematheque Award Gala honoring Ben Stiller at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on November 15, 2012 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 27: (L-R) Art consultant Will Kopelman and actors Justin Theroux, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore attend LACMA 2012 Art + Film Gala Honoring Ed Ruscha and Stanley Kubrick presented by Gucci at LACMA on October 27, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Charley Gallay/Getty Images for LACMA)

  • LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 27: (L-R) Actors Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston attend LACMA 2012 Art + Film Gala Honoring Ed Ruscha and Stanley Kubrick presented by Gucci at LACMA on October 27, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for LACMA)

  • LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 27: Actors Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston attend LACMA 2012 Art + Film Gala Honoring Ed Ruscha and Stanley Kubrick presented by Gucci at LACMA on October 27, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by John Sciulli/Getty Images for LACMA)

  • CULVER CITY, CA - JUNE 07: Actors Jennifer Aniston and Meryl Streep attend the 40th AFI Life Achievement Award honoring Shirley MacLaine held at Sony Pictures Studios on June 7, 2012 in Culver City, California. The AFI Life Achievement Award tribute to Shirley MacLaine will premiere on TV Land on Saturday, June 24 at 9PM ET/PST. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for AFI)

  • NEW YORK -- NOV. 7: Jennifer Aniston attends Glamour's 2011 Women of the Year Awards. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Glamour Magazine)

  • NEW YORK -- NOV. 7: Jennifer Aniston presents an award onstage at Glamour's 2011 Women of the Year Awards. (Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Glamour Magazine)

  • LOS ANGELES -- OCT. 17: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at ELLE's 18th Annual Women in Hollywood Tribute held at the Four Seasons Hotel. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

  • WASHINGTON -- OCT. 3: Executive Producer and Director Jennifer Aniston attends the red carpet screening in the nation's capitol for the TV movie event "Five" hosted by Lifetime and Jennifer Aniston at Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center. (Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images for Lifetime)

  • NEW YORK -- SEPT. 26: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the screening of "Five" at Skylight SOHO. (Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images)

  • LONDON -- JULY 20: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the U.K. film premiere of "Horrible Bosses" at BFI Southbank. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

  • HOLLYWOOD -- JUNE 30: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "Horrible Bosses" at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

  • HOLLYWOOD -- JUNE 30: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "Horrible Bosses" at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

  • BERLIN -- FEB. 21: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the "Meine Erfundene Frau" (Just go with it) Germany Premiere at CineStar. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)

  • NEW YORK -- MAY 05: Actress Jennifer Aniston signs bottles of "Jennifer Aniston" at Sephora Lexington Avenue. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images)

  • Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the 'Meine Erfundene Frau' (Just Go With It) Photocall at Hotel Adlon on February 21, 2011 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images)

  • NEW YORK, NY - FEBRUARY 08: Actress Jennifer Aniston speaks to the press during the premiere of 'Just Go With It' at Ziegfeld Theatre on February 8, 2011 in New York City. (Photo by Jemal Countess/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES -- JAN. 5: Jennifer Aniston attends the 2011 People's Choice Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for PCA)

  • LOS ANGELES -- AUG. 16: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the premiere of Miramax's "The Switch" held at Arclight Hollywood at the Cinerama Dome. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

  • MADRID -- MARCH 30: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends "Exposados" (The Bounty Hunter) premiere at the Callao cinema. (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)

  • MADRID -- MARCH 30: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends "Exposados" (The Bounty Hunter) photocall at the Villamagna Hotel. (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images)

  • BERLIN -- MARCH 29: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the premiere of 'Der Kautions-Cop' (The Bounty Hunter) at CineMaxx at Potsdam Place. (Photo by Florian Seefried/Getty Images)

  • PARIS -- MARCH 28: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives to attend the Premiere of the film "Le chasseur de Primes" at Cinema Gaumont Marignan. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

  • NEW YORK -- MARCH 16: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the premiere of "The Bounty Hunter" at Ziegfeld Theatre. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images)

  • LONDON -- MARCH 11: Jennifer Aniston attends the U.K. film premiere of "The Bounty Hunter" at Vue West End. (Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images)

  • BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. -- JAN. 17: Actress Jennifer Aniston poses in the press room at the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES -- SEPT. 15: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends the "Love Happens" film premiere at Mann's Village Theatre. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

  • CENTURY CITY, Calif. -- JUNE 12: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the Women In Film 2009 Crystal And Lucy Awards at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

  • LONDON -- MARCH 2: Actor Jennifer Aniston attends the U.K. premiere of "Marley And Me" held at The Vue Cinema, Leicester Square. (Photo by Dave Hogan/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES -- FEB. 22: Actress Jennifer Aniston poses in the press room at the 81st Annual Academy Awards held at Kodak Theatre. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES -- FEB. 02: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the premiere of Warner Bros. "He's Just Not That Into You" held at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

  • WESTWOOD, Calif. -- DEC. 11: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the premiere of 20th Century Fox's "Marley & Me" held at the Mann Village Theater. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

  • HOLLYWOOD -- SEPT. 05: Actress Jennifer Aniston attends Stand Up To Cancer at the Kodak Theatre. (Photo by Michael Caulfield/Stand Up To Cancer via Getty Images)

  • LOS ANGELES -- APRIL 14: Actress Jennifer Aniston arrives at the 18th Annual GLAAD Media Awards at the Kodak Theatre. (Photo by Mark Davis/Getty Images)






 

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