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Nancy A. Shenker


There's a Time to Text and a Time to Talk

Posted: 05/16/2013 10:26 am

Use your tongue...and not just your pointer!

So many people are hiding these days behind their devices, using efficiency and speed as just one of the many excuses to avoid direct communication. Just because we can communicate 24/7/365 doesn't mean we should.

I just heard (on the radio...you know that thing in the car that speaks to you when you're not on your cell phone?) that typing with all 10 fingers may soon become a lost art, as touch screens replace keyboards. (For those of you manual typewriter fans like me, you can read the history of the keyboard here.)

Call me old fashioned, but in both my professional and personal life I am touched and wowed when someone takes the time to write me a personal note (the kind that goes in the mail) or picks up the phone to call me. Sadly, that doesn't happen often enough. Frequently I see couples of all ages sitting across the table from each other in restaurants, staring at their tiny screens instead of at their dining partners. And, in business, I sometimes feel compelled to interrupt a lengthy back-and-forth email discussion by picking up the phone and attempting to resolve an issue by speaking, with the added benefit of inflection and live discussion. What a concept!

I don't purport to be the Emily Post* of digital etiquette, but the following are times when some form of more intimate and potentially interactive communication may be preferable to their smart phone or tablet equivalent:

  1. When you are job hunting. Candidates who take the time to call or send thank you notes can stand out from the crowd and may be remembered in a sea of applicants.

  2. When you have something nice to say. One of my colleagues recently told me that my phone call was one of the only personal wishes she received on her birthday. Everyone else just wrote on her Facebook wall.

  3. When you have bad news to deliver. No one likes to fire a vendor, cut a budget, re-direct a project, or break up with a girlfriend/boyfriend. But typing is the coward's way out.

  4. When you have to ask a question that may require a complex answer or are working through a challenge that begs some discussion. You may feel you are "bothering" or saving time with someone by calling him or her, but expecting him to write a long and descriptive response to a question may be just as bothersome and time-consuming.

  5. If two parties disagree or need to come to consensus on an issue. You don't want to risk the misinterpretation of words on a screen. Texts and emails have no inflection. And no emoticon can replace the sound of laughter or a smile or wink. (LOL is not a real sound.)

I love technology as much as the next guy (or woman). I own multiple devices and I carry them with me at all times (or, at most times...I've recently taken to leaving my work smart phone at home when I go out socially and I leave all my devices downstairs in the kitchen, lest I awaken in the middle of the night and feel compelled to check emails.)

However, when I reflect back on the last 10 years since I have grown my own business, hiring (and sometimes firing) staff and vendors, innovating and collaborating, my best and longest-lasting relationships have involved some level of one-on-one "live" voice communication -- phone, Skype, and yes, even face-to-face.

Nine of our fingers may soon become unnecessary in the business world, but I hope that tongues, larynxes, handshakes and eye contact do not go the way of the manual typewriter.

And please...when you go out on that Saturday night dinner date...stare longingly at your potential lover, not at your screen!

*For those of you who did not grow up in the 1960s, Emily Post was not the originator of the Facebook or blog post. She was an American writer, famous for giving tips about etiquette.

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  • You Have To Respond... Immediately

    If an unanswered texts or emails gets your heart rate going, there's a good chance that your smartphone is adding stress to your life rather than making it easier. Constantly interrupting what you're doing -- whether it's writing a college essay or spending some quality time with your friends -- to check your phone might be an indication that your behavior has become compulsive. When you start getting anxious about your inbox, take a moment to step back and remind yourself that it's probably not as urgent as it seems. Sleeping with your phone away from your bed and keeping it in your backpack instead of your pocket during class can also gradually help to lessen your urge to be constantly checking for new messages.

  • You Have Phantom Cellphone Syndrome

    You could’ve sworn you felt your phone vibrating in your back pocket, but when you took it out, you saw that nothing had happened. <a href="http://www.computerworld.com/s/article/9227184/Cellphone_vibration_syndrome_and_other_signs_of_tech_addiction" target="_blank">Phantom cellphone vibration syndrome</a> is a real sign of technology addiction -- and it's more common than you might think. A study conducted at Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne found that a whopping<a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563212000799" target="_blank"> 89 percent</a> of undergrads had experienced feeling nonexistent cellphone vibrations.

  • You Have A Bad Case Of FOMO

    Are you constantly thinking about what everyone else is doing and all the things you might be missing out on at any given moment? Does scrolling through party photos and enthusiastic weekend updates on your News Feed make you feel sad or anxious? Well, there's a name for that: FOMO. It's not uncommon for ocial media and smartphone users to experience a "fear of missing out" when they're unable to get to their phones or when they're getting updates about all the exciting things that everyone in their social network is doing. The best way to combat FOMO is to step back and say no sometimes, and just take sometime to do whatever <em>you </em>want -- not what other people are doing or telling you to do.

  • You're Not Paying Attention To Your Friends & Family

    We've all be there -- you're having dinner with friends or family with your phone sitting next to your plate, and instead of ignoring it, you turn your attention away from the conversation to respond to a text. While there's nothing wrong with picking up important calls or excusing yourself to answer messages when necessary -- but if you make a habit of giving only half your attention to the people you're with while the other half is busy checking Twitter, it might be time to rethink your phone habits. To avoid damaging your relationships, make a resolution to give your full attention to whoever you're with in person and save the screen time for later.

  • You Feel Restless When You're Away From Your Phone

    If you experience withdrawal when you can't check your phone or respond to messages, you might have a technology addiction. <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/8235302/Facebook-generation-suffer-information-withdrawal-syndrome.html" target="_blank">Studies have found</a> that turning off their phones can induce physical and mental withdrawal symptoms similar to those exhibited by drug addicts. If you feel yourself becoming nervous and antsy when you're away from your phone, take note of those feelings and find a coping mechanism -- taking deep breaths, going for a walk or exercising could help you get past the anxiety.

  • Poor Performance In School

    If you're having an increasingly difficult time focusing in class and eagerly await the ringing of the bell so that you can check your phone and return that unanswered text, an Internet or smartphone addiction <a href="http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cpb.1998.1.237" target="_blank">may be partially to blame</a> for low grades. Although there may be many factors at play in decreasing academic performance, constant distraction and excessive time spent on your smartphone can easily interfere with your schoolwork. If the lure of your phone is too powerful for you to concentrate on homework,<a href="http://mashable.com/2012/01/03/block-internet-distractions-apps/" target="_blank"> try downloading an app </a>that blocks social media activity and online distractions.


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