My beloved dog, my dear friend, Deecoy passed away last week. My heart is broken.
If you have loved and lost a pet you will not need me to argue that this is a legitimate form of grief. Deecoy was part of my life for 11 years. During those years, my son grew up, my business developed, my love life both thrived, faltered and thrived again, and I personally evolved and matured. But Deecoy was my constant companion the entire time. Sure he aged, he got a little slower, the hair around his nose and eyes greyed. But when he looked at me it was the same steadfast look of love and trust every day.
If I had to explain one thing that made my relationship so special, it would be unconditional love. There's something so special and pure about the bond we share with our pets -- perhaps it's deeper because it doesn't have the complexity of words. Instead, Deecoy and I learned to communicate by a series of looks and gestures, body language and basic sounds. It wasn't a complex relationship, but it was an instinctive, deep and strong one.
And it was like that from the very beginning: When I first met Deecoy, I picked him out of the pack. He was shy and tentative, the most loving puppy of all. I fell deeply in love with him at first sight... Not a love that asks anything in return, or measures whether the love is one-sided. Just a pure and selfless love.
It was so easy to love Deecoy. As I started my business, every day he would sit by my side, watching me and cheering me on. I always felt his warmth and love. We had much in common as well -- my shoes, in particular my Chanel shoes were his brand of choice. And Deecoy was even Coveteured!!
Although people often argue that we project so much of our own personality onto our pets, I can say with complete confidence that Deecoy had his own unique charm and personality. For some strange reason, he would graze like a cow when we went for walks and he had no interest in chasing balls but loved carrying my Wolford tights all around the house! Deecoy also had his fair share of scares... A car accident gave us all a fright and he even got stuck in a well once, though it didn't alter his spirit! He had a wise and sensitive soul, and I could feel his loyalty, protection, trust and dependence in every look.
Over the last few days, I've found consolation in beautiful expressions of love for animals. This poem that Jimmy Stewart read on The Johnny Carson Show many years ago beautifully captures the individuality, the joy and lightness, but also the depth, trust and ineffability of our relationships with our pets.
Commitment, forgiveness and independence... things we all struggle with in our human relationships were never a struggle with Deecoy. I never questioned the love between us, the bonds of dog and mistress, the responsibility of care that had been gifted to me. Deecoy's nose in my hand or head on my lap was what I needed after a long trip. I was home once he came to my side, always wagging his tail and excited to see me.
Last weekend, I knew there was something wrong when he stopped eating. He loved his food and never turned down a treat. But on that last day, Deecoy wouldn't touch his food and there was a frightened look in his eyes. I think he knew what I didn't -- that it was to be his last day. And how strange life is... Deecoy passed away on the same day he was born 11 years ago.
"I know she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything. She'll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go." - Fiona Apple in a moving letter about her dying dog
I'm mourning this loss daily but also honouring what we had, acknowledging the importance of all I learned from Deecoy about unconditional love -- which was one of my resolutions for 2013. Losing Deecoy has made for a heartbreaking start to my year, but I'll never forget how much he inspired me, how steadfast his love was, how soulful his eyes, how complete his trust and how I became a better version of myself when I gave and received that unconditional love.
My dearest Deecoy, I will never forget you.
Resources for dealing with pet loss:
http://petlosscanada.com/
http://www.ovc.uoguelph.ca/petloss/resources/#grief
Follow Natasha Koifman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/natashankpr
RIP Decoy. He was a good dog.
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
As much as I shouldn't post this as you're dealing with your loss, the Rainbow Bridge poem really can be comforting and a nice way to look at things. I have a dog myself and can't fathom the day when I lose him but I also know the time we have together will also last forever, whenever we meet up again.
I'll put the poem in my next post (due to the size of it).
position.
I could write books and books about my own dog "DUDE" who I had to have put to sleep 4 years ago
this coming March, he was nine and a half years old,a rescue dog, a cross between a German Shepard and a Border Collie.
No need to go into details about him.
I do not know how you feel, we all feel differently.
Suffice to say that I mourn him still, tear up at times and will so for a long time to come.
Yet so grateful for having had him in my life.
I believe that there are animals in heaven, so who knows when I get there he may just jump up at me and tell me," what took you so long".
Please mourn, cry but seek comfort in the love your dog had and has for you.
Rescued her when she was just 4 months old, dog rescue people had given up on her because she was too wild to live in the city and was scheduled to get put down
She gained 18 yr and I gained a good friend.
We lost our beloved our 16 1/2 year old Cardigan Welsh Corgi Miss Sadie, just days before Christmas. She loved the season so it was fitting that she passed away in front of our twinkling xmas village with carols playing. She had a private viewing and cremation, and is now sitting on the mantel. So hard to come home knowing she's here, but won't be greeting us at the door.
Like you already know it's the loss of an unconditional love, bound by something invisible but so strong, it could not be broken by her passing.
Now I know and dread the day years from now when he's no longer with us.
The hardest thing I have done was calling the vet to say I was bringing my dog in...for the last time.
Damn