My thoughts were always about how I couldn't do it anymore, how I sucked at being a parent or how my children hated me. "Can't," "won't" and "don't" were all constants in my vocabulary. I woke up and realized I didn't like who I had become or the road I was going down. But most importantly, I forgave myself.
Shouldn't I be happy? I have three healthy children, I have a wonderful husband, I have supportive friends and family, I have a roof over my head and a vehicle to drive, yet I'm so full of anger, so much anger. Every night I am mad at myself for yelling at my children, for losing my cool for reasons that don't warrant such anger.
That men have higher rates of addiction than women do is not surprising, as men's social and emotional experience is rooted in what could be regarded as an abusive system which gives men only one emotional outlet (anger) and social expectations to uphold a masculine tradition that serves only the antiquated system that created it.
It is hard enough to stay calm, cool and collected when being criticized, but when it happens in front of our colleagues, and when we are "sure" it's groundless, we absolutely have to contain our baser instincts. We may not want to draw attention to ourselves, or worse, we want to avoid throwing gas on the fire.
Wouldn't it be great if when people were wrong, they could just 'fess up, apologize and take different actions to move forward? Just imagine the increased opportunities of positive and productive workplaces. Call me a dreamer! Unfortunately, egos get in the way and fear stops us from acting on our healthier options.
One time I heard that menopause is the last chance a woman has to straighten out whatever isn't right in her life. It's her last time of insight into the reality that "all is not well in the kingdom." I wonder, dear PMS, if you aren't a microcosm of that concept. My anger may actually be an insight into truth.
When you teach your child "calm breathing," you are using a technique that works to slow down his/her breathing, combating upset, stressed and anxious feelings. Teaching a child to use calm breathing to regulate their emotions is important because it shows them how to change their breathing to minimize the effects of their emotions.
I have no patience. I'm snippy, rude and have a short fuse. I think my kids' behaviour is atrocious. Is this because I am newly widowed and stressed out or am I just another mom dealing with kids? I don't know the line between what is normal and what is a result of our grief? I am confused, frustrated and feel like a failure as a parent.
You've had an argument and it got completely out of hand. It escalated into something personal, and then something hurtful. It's a good way to ruin relationships, and all the hurtful things that were said can be very hard to recover from. Force yourself to stay as calm as possible. Don't take any bait to react negatively, or explosively.
Alzheimer's caregivers are amazingly successful at juggling all of the things necessary to meet the needs of their loved one, but each day they're simultaneously learning how to juggle the many emotions they experience. Anger, guilt, fear and frustration are just a few of the complex emotional balls they are trying so hard to keep in the air.
I won't go into the details of black groups being marginalized at the hands of white people who dominate the "center," because if you're smart enough to think that you fooled us into feeling remorse for "leaving you out" during the protest in Toronto, then you're smart enough to do a Google search to figure out historical black oppression and its endless contemporary reproductions.
When you're a woman, tone policing is rampant. Amid the hate and abuse, we are expected to stay as calm and eloquent as possible. Our justified rage is always attributed to over-sensitivity, hormones, or PMS-ing. We are treated as emotional, not intellectual beings, when the truth is we are emotional AND intellectual beings. Intellect without emotion is dead inside. There's a whopping double standard regarding tone between men and women (and of course others along the gender binary and non-binary folk). Men who are angry are passionate and driven. Women who are passionate and driven are just angry.
The more exceptional the individual, the more vulnerable they are to the green-eyed monster. It would be intellectually dishonest to say that I never gossip myself. I succumb to the temptation too. We all do. Because we are human. But I strive to honour the wisdom I have learned from academia and everyday experience about the devastating effects gossip can have.
For some, emotions -- positive or negative -- are not readily expressed, at least not in public. Some may take this as good manners, others as signs of rigidity and unnatural restraint. In any case, researchers warn that perpetual emotional suppression is nothing benign but can lead to potentially serious mental and physical health problems and even premature death.
A few days ago, the well known and respected commentator Rex Murphy presented a blistering critique of atheists, which seems to have been triggered by the recent debate over whether atheists soldiers should have access to their own chaplain. I believe it is worthwhile to highlight another glaring weakness of Mr. Murphy's article -- his misuse of the term anger.
Anger is a daunting emotion, a sentiment that we try to evade or even conceal till our wit allows us to. It's interesting to see how we are repulsed by anger; even an association with it is dreaded. Though it makes me wonder, isn't it just another emotion, a feeling without which we would be incomplete?