The reality is there are too many unsatisfying and empty relationships. Consequently in today's instant gratification society, at least half of men and women are looking for a quick fix of what they need outside of their relationship. If cheating is easy and there is a high payoff, why wouldn't they?
By withholding the truth about her affair from her husband, Tabitha holds all the cards when it comes to their marriage. She is able to preserve what matters most to her-her family life, financial security and the love of her husband-but on her own terms. Her husband is continuing to commit to the relationship under false pretences.
It can be really easy to live with a secret. Three and a half years ago I was living in Toronto's East end, long time boyfriend and cat at home. It wasn't long before I met someone who did more than wolf-whistle out a car window. One night a few of us went out dancing. Mid-twist he kissed me and all my senses were on fire. But innocent walks turned into conversations tinged with sexual innuendo. Alleyway makeout sessions, then sex -- anywhere we could. I found myself turning into this seemingly new person. People who have never cheated ask how you can do it mentally, emotionally. It's different for everyone. But what they don't understand is that it gets to the point where recklessness overpowers all logic and all sense of "right."
It's why I thank my mother and father for raising me with good self esteem and it's why we should raise our daughters with good self esteem. So she can stand on her own two feet without a man -- if ever need-be. So if ever she finds herself in a marriage where her hubby is parking his penis in another woman's garage, she has options.
When I got an unnecessary text from him, I smiled. And while that was interesting and made me feel powerful, it also made me sad. I knew how it would end and it had not even begun. I made references to his wife, to him not being available in a way that made me feel respectable. But the sexual tension rose, and the encounters became more and more heated. He continuously told me he wanted me.
Cheating is about one thing, and that's the transgressor's inability or unwillingness to reconcile the feeling of love with the decision to love. Feeling love is easy, because it's a largely chemical affair. But, once we cross that bridge into a serious, committed monogamous relationship, those feelings aren't enough. The decision to love is another matter entirely, and one that many cannot come to terms with.
A longer lasting solution for pumping up your sexual 'oomph' comes from a different type of sexual variety. By changing the how instead of the who, we can open a world of sexual pleasure for a lifetime. By fighting against your body's natural habit of getting locked in to one method of pleasure, you can train yourself to enjoy a much wider variety of sensations and situations.
M.S. Shadlock's controversial sexual thriller, The Inferno, is about a "sex hotel and casino" in Las Vegas where you gamble with sex, not money. It explores -- among other things -- what happens when couples push the limits of their sexuality in an effort to spice-up their marriages. Would couples really go to a place like this?
I first heard the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater" when I was in high school. Maybe some women are born with an innate desire to believe in the ability to change. I know I'm a little more evidence-based myself and if history is any indication, I'd say Don Draper will spend the rest of his fictional life appearing in the beds of women all over 1960s Manhattan.
Dating and social networking sites provide low-risk, high-excitement ways to connect with strangers and/or reconnect with past friends or lovers. The payoff -- a rush of adrenaline and arousal -- is instantaneous and people often mistakenly believe that they have made an authentic, meaningful connection with someone they have either never met or barely know.
So, it's less than three weeks before Christmas. Friday night. Friends are winding down from their work week, decorating the tree with the kids, and maybe getting ready for a Christmas party. I just learned of my husband's affair. I picked up a card I found in his gym bag. I read the cover and thought, "Wow! This must be my Christmas card." But I didn't put it down, and the surprise was on me. It was from Karen. Karen? Who's Karen?
This widespread resentment toward Christian Grey -- kink version of the Alpha male -- has sparked a furor among men. But men are missing the point. It isn't Mr. Grey's bank account or bondage gear that makes him Mr. Right. The real reason women lust after him is because he makes them feel lusted after.