I am not by any means condoning Josh Duggar's behaviour. His actions have been reprehensible. What I am doing is pointing out an all too familiar calling card that has been handed out time and time again by the same backwards religious fanatics that America calls its own. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have failed utterly as parents by refraining from doing one thing: protecting their children.
While cheating can be extremely damaging to most relationships, an affair actually begins long before the act itself. Having an affair is often one person's way of signaling to their partner that something is wrong in the relationship. And, often one person uses cheating as a catalyst to either fix or flee from the problems.
The recent Ashley Madison hack hasn't just exposed user data - it's also brought to light our various attitudes toward marriage and monogamy in today's high-tech, high-strung society. There are many reasons people stray and technology enables infidelity in a way that is faster and easier -- although certainly not more secretive -- than ever before. Yet in the end, it is always a question of choice. "Will I break the promise I made to my spouse?" In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, we're seeing a lot of "You got what you deserved!" opinions.
I'm a big believer in some personal autonomy. I don't feel I owe it to my husband to share every one of my deepest and darkest secrets. And I don't push him to tell me everything on his mind either. God no, I don't want to know everything on his mind. I'm a gal who enjoys a bit of mystery and his over-sharing would be a buzz kill. But there is a difference between "thought" and "action". It's fine to fantasize -- no harm is done.
Generally speaking, steroid users are not impressionable youth--they are young adults fully capable of making informed decisions about their own health. Steroid users are not devious cheaters--they are not involved with organized sport and are not bound by the rules of any sporting body. Steroid users are not less intelligent--they are professionals with more than average education. And steroid users bear little resemblance to addicts--they are seeking to improve their health, not feeding an addiction.
If you're an enormous telecom conglomerate, and you release a new app to unfavourable ratings, what do you do? You could invest some of your vast resources into listening to customers and making the app better -- or you could get your senior managers to leave fake reviews to mislead customers and fluff up your ratings instead.
The reality is there are too many unsatisfying and empty relationships. Consequently in today's instant gratification society, at least half of men and women are looking for a quick fix of what they need outside of their relationship. If cheating is easy and there is a high payoff, why wouldn't they?
By withholding the truth about her affair from her husband, Tabitha holds all the cards when it comes to their marriage. She is able to preserve what matters most to her-her family life, financial security and the love of her husband-but on her own terms. Her husband is continuing to commit to the relationship under false pretences.
It can be really easy to live with a secret. Three and a half years ago I was living in Toronto's East end, long time boyfriend and cat at home. It wasn't long before I met someone who did more than wolf-whistle out a car window. One night a few of us went out dancing. Mid-twist he kissed me and all my senses were on fire. But innocent walks turned into conversations tinged with sexual innuendo. Alleyway makeout sessions, then sex -- anywhere we could. I found myself turning into this seemingly new person. People who have never cheated ask how you can do it mentally, emotionally. It's different for everyone. But what they don't understand is that it gets to the point where recklessness overpowers all logic and all sense of "right."
It's why I thank my mother and father for raising me with good self esteem and it's why we should raise our daughters with good self esteem. So she can stand on her own two feet without a man -- if ever need-be. So if ever she finds herself in a marriage where her hubby is parking his penis in another woman's garage, she has options.
When I got an unnecessary text from him, I smiled. And while that was interesting and made me feel powerful, it also made me sad. I knew how it would end and it had not even begun. I made references to his wife, to him not being available in a way that made me feel respectable. But the sexual tension rose, and the encounters became more and more heated. He continuously told me he wanted me.
Cheating is about one thing, and that's the transgressor's inability or unwillingness to reconcile the feeling of love with the decision to love. Feeling love is easy, because it's a largely chemical affair. But, once we cross that bridge into a serious, committed monogamous relationship, those feelings aren't enough. The decision to love is another matter entirely, and one that many cannot come to terms with.