It's been my experience, on a personal and professional level, that for real connections to happen, we need to move slowly in our process of opening up. I understand Mr. Boomer's frustration with the unending stream of platitudes he was encountering, but I don't think that going to the other extreme is the answer.
Contrary to common understanding, leadership is not principally about setting a clear direction and influencing a team to get moving. Rather, leadership is about creating the spaces where discovery and action can occur. We so often focus on the mechanics of leadership that we neglect the sense of vulnerability and empathy required to make sense of the world and to take appropriate action.
You and your partner get into a spectacular fight. And let us guess... it's his fault. Or hers. Definitely not yours. It's never really our fault. Even if we apologize, we may still think our partner provoked us to act that way. If only he listened better. If only she stayed out of it. As couples therapists we see this often.
If you feel you just don't have that gift of natural connection, don't worry. Great interpersonal skills can be learned. You can become aware of others and engage them more naturally and easily than you think. You first need to get over your belief that you're "just not a people person" and that it's not your responsibility to foster teamwork -- just results.
I know that many of us feel hurt when men in general are blamed for violence against women. And many of us have or do feel the need to exclaim, "not all men!" And its true, not all men hurt women. And some of us have been hurt by women. But I encourage, implore, beg and hope all men will consider, just consider, what it means to walk through the world with the privilege of being seen as a man.
Want to really rev up your relationship? Even your life? Step it up for our one-week relationship challenge. We challenge you to embrace your relationship as the most important thing in your life. The most interesting thing is that if you and your partner meet this challenge, you'll find your own needs met in a way that doesn't happen when you're both optimizing for yourselves.
The average Canadian spends a whopping four hours and 20 minutes a day watching TV (5 hours in the U.S. for comparison), and that doesn't include social media time. That's 30 hours a week or 1560 hours a year in which the average Canadian sits on a couch. So here's my challenge to you: Give up one sitcom, one iffy reality show to free up an hour of your time each week.