I'm sharing my cottage experience to make you feel better about the long weekend no matter your plans. Because if you're going to a cottage, you'll be making enduring memories of special time spent with family and friends. But if you're not, you'll be saving yourself an untold amount of aggravation, revulsion, and cash.

We're city boys; it's official. Hey, our Smythson printed business card proudly attests this, proclaiming -- in raised 'Bookman Old Style' font -- 'Colin & Justin; Glasgow, London, Toronto.' Yup, we have metropolis, God damn it, coursing through our veins faster than Kim Kardashian heading to a photo opp' with rabid pap's in hot pursuit.

Cottaging is a way of life for Canucks. Going to camp, hitting the cabin, swinging by the lake house/beach/what-have-you: it's in our blood. When you decide to make your grand escape, there are some basic summer cottage principles to keep in mind...