In my experience as a psychologist working with couples, unless a relationship has truly run its course, most people who cheat end up regretting their choice and hurting more people than they could ever anticipate. Wouldn't it be helpful to conduct a simple self-assessment to gauge the strength of your connection?
As an executive chef at four restaurants, V-Day allows me to get playful in the kitchen. A Valentine's dinner needs to be pretty -- a visual feast as well as culinary. It should quench one kind of hunger, and hopefully replace it with another. Consider food and drink part of foreplay. It's all part of the seduction.
You and your partner get into a spectacular fight. And let us guess... it's his fault. Or hers. Definitely not yours. It's never really our fault. Even if we apologize, we may still think our partner provoked us to act that way. If only he listened better. If only she stayed out of it. As couples therapists we see this often.
Research showed that couples who spent extra time together reported feeling more satisfied with both their sex lives and their relationship with their partner. The afterglow of post-sex affection proved to be long lasting for couples, with participants reporting higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives and relationships in a follow-up survey conducted three months later.
It is easy not to notice when a relationship is fraying bit by bit. Our relationship seemed fine, and even better than fine. But spending those weekends together made us realize just how much we had missed each other. Our resurrection weekends kept the embers of our relationship burning. It was this yearly injection of passion that kept our love alive during those kid-centred years.
Want to really rev up your relationship? Even your life? Step it up for our one-week relationship challenge. We challenge you to embrace your relationship as the most important thing in your life. The most interesting thing is that if you and your partner meet this challenge, you'll find your own needs met in a way that doesn't happen when you're both optimizing for yourselves.
I'm not personally a proponent of cohabitation before marriage. If you asked for my advice, I'd tell you not to. There's plenty of empirical research out there to suggest that it might not be the greatest idea. But you don't need to reduce men to sex-starved lunatics (or women to desperate shells who will whither and die if they don't get a ring) to get your point across.
We put our team therapy approach into action -- three of us working with one client at the same time. Over time we've come to understand why men seem to prefer this team approach to therapy. Not only can we help navigate rough emotional terrain, and get to the root cause, but we can help translate and teach them the emotional language of their spouse.
You need to see that your partner has suffered too, not from your anger, but from the weight of his or her own actions. If you believe your partner deeply regrets his actions, knows he was wrong, and even feels he violated his own personal standards, you will feel more trusting and open to forgiveness.
With our couple, Robyn feels insecure about their connectedness. She wants to feel close. So when he comes home late, she turns that into, "I'm not important. He doesn't care." She feels hurt or abandoned, and that's why she gets upset. On the other hand, Blair needs validation. His sense of identity and confidence are important.