What divorcing spouses and partners don't realize is there are very real consequences of dysfunctional divorce that affect mental, emotional, and developmental well-being and behaviour of children. The effects of divorce trauma become more pronounced the longer a divorce drags on. And two or five years in the life of a child is a huge percentage of time.
A CBC investigation yesterday uncovered that 'deadbeat parents' in Canada collectively owe more than $3.7B in support. As a divorce lawyer for 20 years, it struck me that there is a lack of knowledge of how court-ordered support payments work. Here are three things to think about and two actions that you can take which should help Canadians understand spousal and child support a bit better, help you understand why the divorce support payments situation is such a mess, and help explain why it is not even worse.
I stumbled upon a story about a husband who, apparently upset with the lack of sex in his marriage, made a spreadsheet that documented how often his wife had sex with him. I've had many clients over the years show me similar lists. Lists like this are made -- and shared on social media -- out of an emotional mixture of frustration, resentment, self- righteousness, a lack of self-restraint and a profound level of immaturity.
In these times where the divorce rate among 50-65-year-olds is increasing, some are looking at unconventional alternatives. One option is to create what are being called "liveable communities." These are shared homes where adults who choose to live together get the benefits of companionship, economies of scale and affordability.
These couples feel pressures their parents didn't. They live a less certain world when it comes to employment. They are more likely to go from contract to contract than to have a lifetime career with a single employer. Many are paying off large student loans. They face a housing market where the ratio between prices and income is dramatically different than it was for the previous generation.
I threw away the only man who ever loved me, who I was in love with. I realize that this statement must elicit a bunch of questions. Ten years later, I still can't process, make sense of, or come to peace with this loss. I am alone and lonely, so much that it is slowly but surely eating me alive, day in and day out, from the inside out.
Very shortly after finding out I was approved to adopt, my adoption worker came to my home to tell me about two amazing adolescent sisters: Charity and Emily. I sat at my kitchen table for the rest of the night, staring straight ahead like a deer in the headlights, thinking about everything the worker had asked me to consider.
Mother's day is around the corner. For too many children whose families are restructuring all they want for the day to be happy is their father. They want their dream back. They want to be able to love both parents equally without guilt. We owe it to our children to put their rights, their best interests first.
By withholding the truth about her affair from her husband, Tabitha holds all the cards when it comes to their marriage. She is able to preserve what matters most to her-her family life, financial security and the love of her husband-but on her own terms. Her husband is continuing to commit to the relationship under false pretences.
Today, I counsel clients who are going through a divorce to practice acceptance. Acceptance does not come easily, especially when you are in a painful situation; it seems easier to blame the other person and bury our head in the sand. But this will not help. You can systemize acceptance in a few simple steps; I'm not saying they're easy, but they are simple.
It's why I thank my mother and father for raising me with good self esteem and it's why we should raise our daughters with good self esteem. So she can stand on her own two feet without a man -- if ever need-be. So if ever she finds herself in a marriage where her hubby is parking his penis in another woman's garage, she has options.
I was married two years ago. No one asked me to have or to hold my groom as per the traditional Anglican wedding vows at our wedding. I am half-Jewish and an atheist but growing up in Canada "to have and to hold" were the only marriage vows I heard. I think the author was talking about protecting a safe space no matter how heavy the abyss.
Divorce is ranked above going to jail or losing a family member as the second most stressful life event you can face. In fact, the death of a spouse or child are the only events considered more stressful. And yet, this doesn't even take into account what divorce is like for those who are separating from someone with a high-conflict personality.
My parents could not have known it at the time but they did me a huge favour both through the dysfunction of their marriage and their subsequent divorce. Having a ring-side seat to the drama of their union allowed me to dissect and analyze their every move and motive. I learned a lot, and came to my own conclusions.
After living with someone who never let go of the opportunity to insult or debase me, honestly I had started finding it hard to laugh or grin for that matter. My so called "better half" questioned my existence throughout my marriage and so along the way I started questioning myself. After the separation, as the days turned to nights, I felt a change in myself.