There are many titles I have been taught to wear in my life -- daughter, sister, aunt, wife and graduate -- but I never thought I would add one more to the list. Divorcee. This article is NOT being written because this is a title that I am proud of and definitely NOT something I ever expected to happen, but it happened.
Allow your children time to grieve and remain open to ongoing conversations after the big announcement. If your children are asking you questions, this is positive. Encourage further conversations and be open to their questions, thoughts, and feelings. You may want to consider setting up a time for the children to talk with a therapist at some point.
What divorcing spouses and partners don't realize is there are very real consequences of dysfunctional divorce that affect mental, emotional, and developmental well-being and behaviour of children. The effects of divorce trauma become more pronounced the longer a divorce drags on. And two or five years in the life of a child is a huge percentage of time.
A CBC investigation yesterday uncovered that 'deadbeat parents' in Canada collectively owe more than $3.7B in support. As a divorce lawyer for 20 years, it struck me that there is a lack of knowledge of how court-ordered support payments work. Here are three things to think about and two actions that you can take which should help Canadians understand spousal and child support a bit better, help you understand why the divorce support payments situation is such a mess, and help explain why it is not even worse.
I stumbled upon a story about a husband who, apparently upset with the lack of sex in his marriage, made a spreadsheet that documented how often his wife had sex with him. I've had many clients over the years show me similar lists. Lists like this are made -- and shared on social media -- out of an emotional mixture of frustration, resentment, self- righteousness, a lack of self-restraint and a profound level of immaturity.
In these times where the divorce rate among 50-65-year-olds is increasing, some are looking at unconventional alternatives. One option is to create what are being called "liveable communities." These are shared homes where adults who choose to live together get the benefits of companionship, economies of scale and affordability.
These couples feel pressures their parents didn't. They live a less certain world when it comes to employment. They are more likely to go from contract to contract than to have a lifetime career with a single employer. Many are paying off large student loans. They face a housing market where the ratio between prices and income is dramatically different than it was for the previous generation.
I threw away the only man who ever loved me, who I was in love with. I realize that this statement must elicit a bunch of questions. Ten years later, I still can't process, make sense of, or come to peace with this loss. I am alone and lonely, so much that it is slowly but surely eating me alive, day in and day out, from the inside out.
Very shortly after finding out I was approved to adopt, my adoption worker came to my home to tell me about two amazing adolescent sisters: Charity and Emily. I sat at my kitchen table for the rest of the night, staring straight ahead like a deer in the headlights, thinking about everything the worker had asked me to consider.
Mother's day is around the corner. For too many children whose families are restructuring all they want for the day to be happy is their father. They want their dream back. They want to be able to love both parents equally without guilt. We owe it to our children to put their rights, their best interests first.
By withholding the truth about her affair from her husband, Tabitha holds all the cards when it comes to their marriage. She is able to preserve what matters most to her-her family life, financial security and the love of her husband-but on her own terms. Her husband is continuing to commit to the relationship under false pretences.
Today, I counsel clients who are going through a divorce to practice acceptance. Acceptance does not come easily, especially when you are in a painful situation; it seems easier to blame the other person and bury our head in the sand. But this will not help. You can systemize acceptance in a few simple steps; I'm not saying they're easy, but they are simple.