It can be a tough conversation to start. Often when patients raise the issue, "it" has been going on for a while. I'm talking about painful sex. Painful intercourse may be a sign of a gynaecological problem, such as ovarian cysts or endometriosis; but problems with sexual response, such as a lack of desire or a lack of sexual arousal, may also be the cause.
It's been my experience, on a personal and professional level, that for real connections to happen, we need to move slowly in our process of opening up. I understand Mr. Boomer's frustration with the unending stream of platitudes he was encountering, but I don't think that going to the other extreme is the answer.
People say that Tinder is addictive, and I can see why. It provides no joy, no closeness, no meaning. It's superficially stimulating and gives a false promise of fulfillment; just enough to compel the user to repeat the activity over and over again, in the hopes that eventually, they'll find what they're looking for.
Those lucky folks who seem to coast through life without anything ever going wrong? Believe me, they are few and far between. Having problems is normal, not having them is far more unusual! Here's the thing, it's generally only when we reveal our true selves that we can fully connect and establish true intimacy with others.
Here is some proof. Humour is one of the highest rated traits for attracting a lover -- ranked by men as appealing, topping even 'wearing sexy clothes'. Both men and women considered humor to be in the top three traits that make someone appealing for short-term (read "sexual") or long-term (read "partner") connections.
Research showed that couples who spent extra time together reported feeling more satisfied with both their sex lives and their relationship with their partner. The afterglow of post-sex affection proved to be long lasting for couples, with participants reporting higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives and relationships in a follow-up survey conducted three months later.
For me, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse in which the perpetrators were male, the issue is further complicated. I've struggled with revealing my thoughts and emotions to other men, and when I do, it's generally camouflaged by using jokes. Women typically build relationships based on social connectivity while men build them based on shared activity or goal orientation.
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By now, most people recognize that the stages of grief outlined in the Kubler-Ross model are not a map. Each of us walks that lonely road in our own way. ut there is one aspect of grief that no one talks about, because it isn't "nice." But, let's be blunt: some part of grief is just plain feeling sorry for yourself.