"CAN EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN GET DRESSED!" You shout. Loudly. Too loudly. The baby is now crying. You feel so guilty you given them two biscuits and read them a story in your top and underwear.
When news of the Duchess of Cambridge's second pregnancy was announced on September 8, the Internet immediately exploded into a flurry of excitement. What about the other face of pregnancy, the one which is rarely discussed? Who is sharing the tales of these women, as they are no longer here to share their own unhappy endings?
HG is a very very bad version of morning sickness. Really, superbad. Mothers can become ill very quickly if they don't consume any liquids for a few days, and they really do need to seek help. And maybe now that Her Royal Highness has kindly shed some green-tinged light on a serious condition that affects 1% of expectant mothers.
There were a couple of weeks of jealousy. Tantrums, playing up, behaviour we had not seen before. And all we could do was love him and love her and make sure they both knew that we would go to the ends of the earth for them.
I don't really even know how to tell you about Hyperemesis Gravidarum. In short, it's a bitchy version of morning sickness hell-bent on being an overachiever. A relentless case of the stomach flu.
This girl could have had a husband, a tiara, a baby, a title, a palace, and her own specialised bottom minder by now. She could have been defined by her slimness, her reproductive abilities, and how long she could spend waving to commoners before her arm got tired. Instead, she's free to do whatever the hell she wants with her life.
For this second kitchen, that the couple wanted a "private, family kitchen," to be carved out of an existing office space, and officials made it clear that William and Kate would be paying for it themselves.
The royal family is now one of the nation's favorite subjects of conversation. In fact, a combination of ground-breaking documentaries, high-profile weddings and births and, let's be honest, the very existence of Lady Diana took the royal family into a new level of fame.
We've seen the photos and there is no getting round it. Not only is he the cutest baby on our front pages at the moment, Prince George is also on the cusp of his most exciting and challenging developmental period.
Sunday night. Family dinner. Glass of red in hand, we moved from the dinner table to the sofa and, as families do these days, picked up our smartphones to scan Facebook. It seemed everyone was "talking" about the same thing: Scotland's parade uniform for the upcoming opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow...
The Beverly Hills Hotel has been more or less emptied out of celebs who will no longer be seen there and it is losing millions. I do not have the liquid funds to indulge in such rich surroundings so it is easier for me not to give my money to a man who wants to kill me, but I hope others won't either.
It's that time of year again, when we congratulate our favorite college and post-degree graduates and cheerfully send them off into the working world!...
Wearing a fabulous dress, having a stunning hair-do and make-up to show off our womanly attributes is part of our creative feminine energy. I wouldn't have it any other way!
Overall, it is clear that we love the royal family, but why? Is it because we admire the work they do for charities? Is it that we idolise the family and try to be like them, particularly the younger members of the family? Or is it just propaganda that the media make us feed upon every day?
Women aren't one-dimensional. No woman is either a madonna or a whore. But our habit of putting famous people into easily identifiable boxes means celebrity women often come off this way. The way famous women represent themselves and their brand... does tend to make them figureheads for a certain 'kind of woman'.
You may not have the 24/7 schedules or the non-stop press scrutiny that the royals do, but every couple gets to the point when the stress and tension of everyday life turn those funny quips turn into sharp barbs that hook under the skin. Don't worry, it happens to everyone -- yes, even to Kate Middleton and Prince William.