It's not easy being Leonardo DiCaprio. While preaching that fossil fuel use is triggering a global climate catastrophe, Leo hops around the world on fuel-guzzling private jets. "If we do not act together, we will surely perish," he tells the United Nations. I'll say it again: Leo has a hard time aligning his message with his actions.
The nomination list has probably made its way into your life, whether it be via a series of live-tweets from a room filled with members of the press or articles filled with obnoxious opinions (read: this one). So, I figured that I would take this opportunity to share my thoughts slash predictions for the upcoming Academy Awards.
By now, it's an almost entirely predictable routine: a celebrity takes a tour of the Alberta oilsands for a day or two and quickly harnesses apocalyptic rhetoric in press conferences to detail the experience. Chagrined industry spokespeople lash out. News coverage dissipates after a few days. Rinse and repeat.
My team and I will go down to L.A. and make a movie about our campaign to put a stop to the movie industry which is destroying so many lives. We will be armed with pomposity, judgement, condescension and constant looks of horror on our faces. We will also be armed with important environmental technology that I invented, such as a smart car of dog sleds (my lap dog attached to a child sled) and a carbon capture mask for joggers so that they don't have to contribute to global warming with their excess carbon emissions.