He walks in, smiling. I like people that smile. I smile A LOT. Within minutes of the date, he shows me pictures of his cat. Don't be foiled by an eyebrow ring, ladies. Sometimes the edgy looking ones are big softies. He LOVES cats! He shows me many pictures of his kitty, including painted portraits.
I can't believe I did it. I hit the heart button on a guy with KIDS in his profile picture. Not one, but TWO kids! How mature do I think I am? Still...(deep breath) he is attractive. And I am 34. I have to face the fact that guys in my age bracket might have offspring, whether it was on purpose, or they forgot to pull out.
A couple beers in, we're both yawning. The conversation starts to dry up. We're now talking the ceiling fixtures. Talking about lamps hanging from the ceiling is a sign we're both starting to space out. I'm also getting tweets from my comedian guy friends, who know I'm on a date. All of a sudden, I wish I was with them.
I head to my date. I warn him I look like a dirtbag. Pink Jack Daniel's shirt, jeans and Toms. I'm wearing a padded bra, so boobs are not to scale. I notice he's getting texts from a phone number that doesn't have a contact name. They seem to be coming in quite rapidly. I call it out: "Haha! You're getting messages from another Tinder, aren't you?" He denies it. I'm not buying it.
"We're the same age, aren't we? You're 27?" He says. UH-OH! "Um... no, actually...I think I'm a little older," I spit out, along with a laugh that sounds like I might be choking. "Really? How old are you?" all of a sudden, I'm feeling a little cougary. So I suggest a place that's good to take a younger man.
Women, take a deep breath. Sexual nirvana, the latest elixir in a bottle, has arrived. Enter Lybrido. The makers of Lybrido, ironically called Emotional Brain, are cynically cashing in on our insecurities as women. Lybrido might help but make no mistake -- another pill to pop does not replace the old-fashioned virtues of respect, love and affection, all of which were contained in the erstwhile activity called courtship.
As a couples' mediator, I see many women who have stopped having fun in their relationships. This year, I'm going back a couple thousand years to excavate some ancient advice from history's most cunning women, such as Cleopatra. How'd she do it? If it worked for the Queen of Egypt in 41 BC, it may work for you in 2013 AD.