How does passion turn into pal-ship? Perhaps the very nature of sharing space with someone can breed too much familiarity. It's easy to get comfortable, even sloppy, when we live with each other day in and day out. What message does it send when I leave our house looking polished and revert immediately to comfy cellmate attire when I come home?
A lot of people I know find it difficult to hold their fire when they think their partner needs to make some dietary changes. But you want to help, so based on real-life situations I've seen at my practice, here are some straightforward tips for all you women and men out there who find themselves in the support role.
Living abroad is one thing -- planning a wedding from abroad is a whole other story. A very complicated, internet driven, blog obsessed story that involves checking your email 24/7 and a secret love affair with Pinterest. So from one traveller/amateur bride-to-be to another, here are my "Five Great Expectations" leading up to your big day.
I stumbled upon a story about a husband who, apparently upset with the lack of sex in his marriage, made a spreadsheet that documented how often his wife had sex with him. I've had many clients over the years show me similar lists. Lists like this are made -- and shared on social media -- out of an emotional mixture of frustration, resentment, self- righteousness, a lack of self-restraint and a profound level of immaturity.
I knew immediately what John was talking about. I am prone to self-absorption, lost in my own thoughts. I pretend to listen, but John is no fool -- it's obvious to him that the imaginary conversations inside my head are too often more important than the real conversations between us. No wonder he sometimes feels that he is not that important.
The grief is still there. But suddenly, from somewhere, almost eighteen months later, I do now occasionally experience the unadulterated joy that I never thought I would again. To my surprise, I am no longer numb. The flowers in the park, a small child patting my dog, the flight of a bird, planning a visit with my grandson with his friends -- these things bring a lift to my heart.
The perplexed interviewer asked what every man wanted to know, "But what about the man's sexual needs? Isn't he going to walk away with 'blue-balls'?" In my head I was screaming, "Why can't men understand that most women walk away from the sex with 'blue balls' -- unsatisfied and unhappy with the experience?"
The reality is there are too many unsatisfying and empty relationships. Consequently in today's instant gratification society, at least half of men and women are looking for a quick fix of what they need outside of their relationship. If cheating is easy and there is a high payoff, why wouldn't they?
By withholding the truth about her affair from her husband, Tabitha holds all the cards when it comes to their marriage. She is able to preserve what matters most to her-her family life, financial security and the love of her husband-but on her own terms. Her husband is continuing to commit to the relationship under false pretences.
You've just woken up from a deep sleep and then remember that you've been romping all night with the Sandman who may also happen to be your Ex. That's when the WTF moment kicks in. Sex dreams happen to everyone. Sometimes they are as pleasurable as riding white horses in the meadow with George Clooney or getting naughty with Mila Kunis' legs wrapped around your waist.
If you're looking for a way to beat the winter blues, take a look at the circumstances that surrounded the marriages of your ancestors and discover what kind of lives they lived with their spouses. You could find a love story that warms your heart, if not your toes, this winter. Here are some helpful tips to get you started.
I met Helen Hayes, stayed several times in her house in Cuernavaca and she was kind enough to let me interview her for The Toronto Sun. Her husband had been dead for many years when Helen told me: "I could no more have remarried than I could have been unfaithful." Helen was just one of many public figures who spoke to me about love, marriage and sex.