Despite what porn and Hollywood lead us to believe, women's erotic networks of nerve endings, erogenous zones, and pleasure options are more complicated than for penises. While erotic hotspots and pleasure techniques in men are generally more universal and consistently popular, the sources of arousal and pleasure in women are more varied from person-to-person.
You look the other way and pretend not to notice or be bothered. You force yourself to not ask who your spouse is texting and not show how worried or hurt you are. You lay awake and stare at your partner's phone, wishing you could look through it but not wanting to cross that line. Finally, you crack.
I would be mortified if my husband ever discovered my university marks. I shudder to think how he would feel. Probably duped. He's attracted to brainy women, and it was a sleight of hand living with philosophers. I was only "academic" by association. The brainy aura of my roommates bathed me in a beautiful sharp light.
Growing up just like every other little girl I sat in awe as I accompanied my parents to family functions and weddings. Fast forward some 15 years or so and now every weekend there are dozens of weddings occurring simultaneously at various temples in the metro-Vancouver area. And each of these weddings symbolizes not the love between a couple -- sure there's that, too -- but rather a price tag.
While cheating can be extremely damaging to most relationships, an affair actually begins long before the act itself. Having an affair is often one person's way of signaling to their partner that something is wrong in the relationship. And, often one person uses cheating as a catalyst to either fix or flee from the problems.
The recent Ashley Madison hack hasn't just exposed user data - it's also brought to light our various attitudes toward marriage and monogamy in today's high-tech, high-strung society. There are many reasons people stray and technology enables infidelity in a way that is faster and easier -- although certainly not more secretive -- than ever before. Yet in the end, it is always a question of choice. "Will I break the promise I made to my spouse?" In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, we're seeing a lot of "You got what you deserved!" opinions.
I'm a big believer in some personal autonomy. I don't feel I owe it to my husband to share every one of my deepest and darkest secrets. And I don't push him to tell me everything on his mind either. God no, I don't want to know everything on his mind. I'm a gal who enjoys a bit of mystery and his over-sharing would be a buzz kill. But there is a difference between "thought" and "action". It's fine to fantasize -- no harm is done.
This Netflix cleanse was obviously not on purpose and I don't advocate it for everyone. But by forcing myself to be alone and engage in activities that I like such as organizing and chatting on the phone I was allowing myself to be with my thoughts and be present in the moment. It was kind of awesome.