I am learning to love myself, but sometimes it's not enough. All the love I can give myself can't cancel out the hate that people have for fat bodies. If we want to be real about changing the way that beauty is portrayed and what bodies are considered good, then everyone has to do the heavy lifting to normalize marginalized bodies together.
I soon realized that when I started my search for the perfect dress, there was no inspiration, no larger models modeling gorgeous dresses and, even more disappointing, most stores don't even carry larges sizes. Everyone wants to feel beautiful -- regardless of their size or shape. And today, unfortunately I didn't.
I remember the day my agent told me to lose 2 inches off my hips and that my thighs were getting too big. She suggested that I try yoga to tone down. I was devastated. She didn't see how hard I was trying to be thin. I was dieting and hardly eating just to keep my stick-thin frame. It was then that I decided to give up on modeling because I was ruining my body.
Whenever I dropped weight it was stunning how people suddenly started speaking with me again at family functions and started acknowledging my existence. Of course, whilst they pressured me to devour the high fat food they had prepared. Instead of boosting my confidence, it reminded me that people can be fickle jerks.