Porn shows lots of penises, vulvas, and orgasms, but it doesn't show -- it can't show -- the things about sex that most people value: talking, laughing, kissing, whispering, negotiating, appreciating, cuddling. Feeling special, feeling desired, feeling graceful.

Vanessa* was 16 when she first sought out pornography on the web. Apart from a brief brush with adult material before the age of 10 (she searched for ...

A few weeks ago, my newsfeed was filled with stories from this year's Sundance Film Festival: "Record Number of Female Directors!" However, what little information I could find about the films centering around women with sexual storylines led to utter disappointment -- did they all just happen to be really dark, or is the female perspective on sex an utter failure?

As a fellow creator in the world of sex and erotica, I'm glad when other women in the industry garner great success for their work. But imagine how dismayed I was then after finding out that Fifty Shades of Grey, this wildly popular series not only represented a relationship devoid of the components integral to healthy BDSM, but also some of the most male-driven fantasies and sexual stereotypes!

Porn is out there, it's accessible, and it's here to stay. Sex and porn are so inextricably linked that it's as impossible to imagine the world without the one as it is without the other. The problem with most porn is that it reflects a weird world of hairlessness, bleaching athleticism and diminutive speech. It's not real, and this can lead to some serious social problems for teens.

When people around me learn of my profession in pornography, they immediately start asking morbid questions. I'm used to this: Society has always tried to control our sexuality. But I'm not so much concerned with society. I'm more concerned with what I'll say when my daughters ask: "Mommy, what is your job?"

I believe it's the secrecy of your partner engaging in virtual sex that causes the majority of the difficulty -- if not devastation -- to a relationship. I appreciate that it's difficult to bring up that you want to dabble in cyber sex, but it's even more difficult to try and resolve an issue of mistrust.

I think the trick to defining sex addiction is to determine 'normal' sexual pursuits. This is an exercise in subjectivity as every person has their own comfort level and preference: some people want sex three times a day (or more), some have exotic tastes, and others favour vanilla sex.

Like any other "addiction," I think a porn or sex addiction has more to do with our own abilities to cope and achieve healthy, interpersonal sexual and emotional relationships.

At least once a year media grabs the next "is the sexual morality of our young women in peril?" headline and runs with it. Unfortunately, this results in yet another young generation of women who suffer the burden of carrying a ton of shame about their sexuality for the rest of their lives.