With our couple, Robyn feels insecure about their connectedness. She wants to feel close. So when he comes home late, she turns that into, "I'm not important. He doesn't care." She feels hurt or abandoned, and that's why she gets upset. On the other hand, Blair needs validation. His sense of identity and confidence are important.
I examined many books on the market designed to help women to attract Mr. Right. I researched lessons on how to make it past the first date, what to say and not to say, how to dress, and when and how to ration out the first kiss. The more I read and compared notes, the stronger the question became: When is it okay to stop pretending?
Since the oil boom of the 1970's, many Alberta wives have called themselves "oil patch widows" due to work rotations that require their husbands to be away for weeks or months at a stretch. It is understandable how this physical separation can lead to an emotional disconnection between two people who are often leading separate lives.
Jessie is more unconditionally loving and far less bitchy than me (even though she is technically the only real bitch in our family). For her, it's not a question of, "you scratch behind my ears, and I'll scratch behind yours". Nope, she will give unlimited affection and not expect a thing in return (although she won't say no to a liver treat).
I recently saw a man in my office who asked me why all the women he dated turned out to be "crazy." If all the women you date eventually go off the deep end, perhaps it's time to tune-up your relationship skills. To some extent, I had to agree -- there are some lipsticked loonies out there. Then again, the male gender has its share of jerks and mama's boys. Perhaps it's time to stop pointing fingers at the opposite sex and start engaging in a little self-reflection, especially if you're re-living the same dysfunctional relationship over and over again.
Cheating is about one thing, and that's the transgressor's inability or unwillingness to reconcile the feeling of love with the decision to love. Feeling love is easy, because it's a largely chemical affair. But, once we cross that bridge into a serious, committed monogamous relationship, those feelings aren't enough. The decision to love is another matter entirely, and one that many cannot come to terms with.
I was recently dismayed by a piece of advice given from one businesswoman to another. an entrepreneur sought advice on how to get mental and emotional support from her husband as she worked to grow her new business. In short, she was told the solution was to verbally appreciate her husband more, to "tell him he's your hero", and to orally appreciate her husband more... if you know what I mean. The advice is delivered in cute and quirky way, but it's impossible to miss the message. We're supposed to patronize our men, tell them they're our heroes, and then follow up with sexual favours? Ouch.
Anger rarely ever brings out the best in us. When we feel our blood boiling, we often regress to a state that's childlike, emotional and even tantrum-y. What's more, conflicts are further complicated by the fact we don't all handle conflict the same way. I've come up with four conflict styles as I see them.
M.S. Shadlock's controversial sexual thriller, The Inferno, is about a "sex hotel and casino" in Las Vegas where you gamble with sex, not money. It explores -- among other things -- what happens when couples push the limits of their sexuality in an effort to spice-up their marriages. Would couples really go to a place like this?
Dating and social networking sites provide low-risk, high-excitement ways to connect with strangers and/or reconnect with past friends or lovers. The payoff -- a rush of adrenaline and arousal -- is instantaneous and people often mistakenly believe that they have made an authentic, meaningful connection with someone they have either never met or barely know.
Bumps in what should be a smooth road are unavoidable. And as most of us know, sometimes the journey -- even an unexpected and unpleasant one -- can have more to offer in the long-term than the destination. Admittedly, that's going to be a tough sell to the 4,000 passengers on the Triumph. But what about when things go wrong in a marriage?