Too often, an unfaithful spouse whose affair has been discovered will continue to see and/or contact their affair partner. Sometimes this is done in secret. They may assure their spouse that they've ended the affair; however, their lack of transparency and untrustworthy behaviour indicates otherwise.
It is hard enough to stay calm, cool and collected when being criticized, but when it happens in front of our colleagues, and when we are "sure" it's groundless, we absolutely have to contain our baser instincts. We may not want to draw attention to ourselves, or worse, we want to avoid throwing gas on the fire.
Ever get this nagging feeling that your man is pulling away from you, but you don't know why? Your mind creates vivid images about him spending time with another woman because somewhere deep down inside you don't feel good enough for him. If this is something you're experiencing, then your man is dating an insecure woman.
Kindness matters, I know this, I coach this, I speak about the power of kindness, and yet -- in my primary relationship (you know, that relationship with my husband), being kind seems to be in a wrestling match with being right. Being right just feels so good. It is a lustful emotion, an instinctual one, a need that can be sort of addiction.
You want whatever you're doing to be perfect, and you get so disappointed and annoyed when the vision in your head doesn't match the reality. I know you, my love, and I know that it's so frustrating for you when things don't go right, when you are not living up to your own very high expectations for yourself.
Sometimes we, as strong and independent individuals, want to believe that we can face the storm single-handedly, but having supportive friends makes all the difference. As Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook and a strong advocate of women's leadership, says, we are more effective and productive once we have a support group.
Listening to a friend talk about their divorce, I pause and think -- this all sounds familiar. My friend details the lead up to her separation and there are so many similarities it's a bit unnerving. Same actions, same words, same behaviour. How is that possible? Turns out similarities are not even unusual but predictable, right down to the language a departing spouse might use.
I can think of many times when I ignored what I saw in a person or a situation. Initially, it seems so much easier to see what we prefer to see, rather than face the unpleasant truth of what's actually there. Still, what I've realized is that no matter how difficult it is to acknowledge the signs of trouble in our relationships or environment, it's always better to do so.
I am proud of where I am today and who I have become. I am the result of all of my experiences -- the good, the bad, and the not so good. And, I wouldn't go back and change a thing. So, to those that I have worked with, worked for, and known throughout that almost 40 years of workplace experience, thank you. You are part of my whole.
No matter how independent, self-reliant, and strong we are, sometimes there's a part of us that wants to self-destruct. Usually, after a traumatic experience, when we feel especially vulnerable, scared, and alone. And after the devastating breakup with my fiancé and boyfriend/best friend of nine years, I self-destructed in a big way.