We've had our share of faults and bad habits that we brought into this relationship. We've both done and said things we wish we could take back. And even though we've now found a groove as parents, there were months, years, where all of our existing problems bubbled to the surface under the pressures of having kids.
The media likes us to think that the perfect body, both male and female, is what we want to hold forever, but I'd like to disagree. I'd like to watch time take its toll and hear the words "I love you" with the same sincerity that was spoken when I was once young and beautiful. There is something in this that means so much more than the superficial joy of having someone frozen in perfection.
Well, I recently attended the American Black Film Festival in New York City. This time, I was lucky to have a riveting conversation with four black actresses: Terri J. Vaughn, Garcelle Beauvais, Essence Atkins, and Malinda Williams. They're all starring in a T.V. movie coming out later this summer called "Girlfriends' Getaway 2."
Whether or not young people today are even aware, the sexual revolution is the backdrop and the impetus for the thinking that undergirds the protest. The present tension over dress codes shows us something. While one segment of society now feels that any limits on women with bare skin in public are unacceptable, others still think some fashion choices simply aren't appropriate.
I was afraid to tell my husband. I was equal parts afraid to be accused of cheating or learn he had, even though logic assured me otherwise. I thought of not saying anything. I envisioned stashing my pills in the inner pocket of my handbag, making excuses to avoid sex. While it sucks to have herpes, it's not a death sentence. If you ever have to deliver this kind of news to a partner, don't do what I did and treat it like the end of the world.
Why is there a tendency for daughter-in-laws to have bumpy relationships with mother-in-laws? It's understandable that conflict can arise when two different ideologies collide. Ideologies about child-rearing, domestic chores, finances, "wifely" duties, working outside the home, personal appearance, "husband care" and so on.
My husband is my greatest fan in life. He is constantly encouraging me to chase my dreams, pushing me to face my weaknesses. He inspires me; he balances me. He supports me in everything I do. When you have someone standing beside you, ready to nudge you forward and catch you when you fall, it feels like anything is possible. I'm 27 now, and I still have a lot to learn about married life. But I already know the choice to wed my husband was the greatest decision I've made so far. Being a wife has changed my life in ways I hadn't ever considered.
Many of us are convinced that being "nice" is the way to win a friend or a partner and keep them; that if we please this person and give them what they need, they'll love us and stay with us, forever. Well, it doesn't really work that way. When we're "nice," the other person can't know who we really are.
Before I had kids, I dreamed about being a stay-at-home mom. I loved the idea of having the whole household under control and making life easy for my husband by rocking the homemaker role. But as it turns out, I am happy in that role about one day per week and otherwise feel totally and utterly stifled.
Amidst the carnage of a failed marriage, as your days become consumed with prying the broken shards of glass from the wounds of a shattered life, it is hard to conceive that anyone will ever be worth the risk of going through all of this again. But a life without love is incomplete -- Love is always worth it.