"Oh gimme a break, not another 'results-oriented, hard-working, team player.'" Self-descriptions like these turn up in so many resumes that they don't serve to differentiate candidates anymore. In fact, they have the opposite effect by making the job seeker appear generic and cookie-cutter. Stop trying to describe yourself.
While the content is ostensibly what you have done in the past, the real subject of your resume should actually be what you can do in the future. Your past accomplishments as evidence of your future potential. There's really only one skill that matters at the end of the day. It is your ability to achieve results -- they care about what you can do with what you know.
As a headhunter, I call people who are sitting at their desk already working, and as a recruiter, I get resumes and emails from people seeking employment. The difference between the two is extraordinary. If you are looking for work and wondering why no one is calling or emailing you back, here are the real reasons you aren't getting a job.