If a real friend is the person who tells you when you have bad breath, then what I'm about to tell you will make me your best friend; whenever you eat sushi, you are embarrassing yourself. That's right, the abominations you commit to your California Roll bring shame upon your whole family. Are you one of those people who rub their chopsticks together? Do you proudly explain to your rube aunt from Kelowna that this is how you get rid of the splinters? Dude, look around you. This isn't Quest for Fire. You are not Survivorman Les Stroud, trying to get some kindling to smoke. You are in a sushi-ya on Broadway.