The word "selfish" has a bad rap. I get it. Being "concerned chiefly or only with yourself" seems like kind of an asshole move, but is that always the case? I don't think so. The "Screw you, suckers!" variety of selfishness deserves its critics, but what about the kind of selfishness that simply means you're putting yourself first?
Boundaries help us define who we are and provides us with a definite sense of self. While setting boundaries and learning to say no is an ideal opportunity to gain a sense of self, it also helps us to rediscover who we are, our personal values, and what's important to us. Most people have a hard time setting personal boundaries, particularly within their relationships.
It's the time we clean our closets to get rid of things that no longer work, hoping to add something bright and colourful. By following that same practice with our behaviours we can live a more expansive and rewarding life. Start by learning to say yes to your passions and no to things that get in the way, especially items on another's agenda!
I have said yes to things that I had no business saying yes to. Things I had no time for, no interest in, could not afford...all manner of yesses have slid past my lips so I feel confident in saying that I have been around the yes-block and have come back with a better roadmap than when I started. Here are the three ways you can say no, guilt free.
It's a fast-paced world and women work hard. We have homes to maintain, families to care for and demanding jobs. All this takes mountains of energy yet we continue to spend time on things that don't really interest or support us. It's time for women to cut to the chase and do the things that give us energy while getting rid of the rest.
Do you have a difficult time saying "no" to family and friends? By saying "yes" to everyone, you are recklessly giving away all your valuable energy. If you have trouble saying no, it could be that you are motivated by a genuine desire to help but it could also be that you are acting out of fear or guilt.
The radio's been playing Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" over and over for weeks. As Taylor Swift demonstrates with a vengeance, you damn well better start saying Never. And not just Never to wasteful things and negative influences but Never to people and prospects you greatly admire, even love, would trade your right arm to be connected to. Internalizing that is probably one of the most important things I've gained from my twenties.