How could we help him feel better about himself so he does a better job for our city? As hard as it may be for some of us to swallow, we could try to lose the blame and the judgement and throw him some slack. Why? When people treat us well, the better we feel, and the better we feel, the better we behave.
In time, all of my pageant friends became so obsessed with their appearances that they made every woman who walked down the street into a comparison, celebrating when they discovered that they were still the "fairest of them all" and reaching a near breakdown when a long-legged stranger made them feel as though there was more work to be done. A petite blond at a cafe immediately made them "fat." A girl with acne made them scoff and cackle like hens. In time, the side show of pageantry bled off into their every day lives with such vehemence that each moment became a graceless performance.
Thanks to Caroline Berg Eriksen's post-pregnancy selfie that she took just four days after giving birth to her daughter we have been pulled back into the "what should women's bodies look like?" debate. Let's stop paying so much attention to the bodies that we can't relate to and start embracing, celebrating and taking care of the ones we do.
It's been said that women don't raise their hand enough for something they're not absolutely sure they can do. Our champions are people who know us. And our champions are awesome because they tell people how great we are, for us. If you're not going to do it, well, you better get out there and find someone who will.
I've been thinking a lot about this interview with Lisa Kudrow about the nose job she got when she was in high school. My first thought is that I want to go back in time and hug teenaged Lisa Kudrow. Most of all, I want to tell her that I get it, because I've been there. I feel sad that I've spent most of my adult life feeling so goddamn unattractive.
Selfies, to me, are narcissistic. There's no denying that. But they also show the world who I feel like I really am inside. I am a great selfie taker; I get all my best angles because I know to look for them. The photos I produce are ones I'm proud of. For me, selfies document my journey with my own self-acceptance.
My mother came out of the clothing store change room wearing a long-sleeved pink sweatshirt. When she came out, smiling at me, I could tell she felt confident. Her smile vanished the second she saw herself. "I look fat." It's a difficult feeling to describe, when you see your mother so wounded by her own reflection.
Impostor syndrome is the fear of being found out or discovered as stupid or unworthy. I don't consider myself to be someone with especially low self-esteem, but I have often felt like an impostor among very intelligent and accomplished people, and especially around individuals with elegant, show-stopping vocabularies.
A few weeks ago, in the company of 5,000 other women, I heard Hillary Clinton offer advice I took to heart. She said, "Take criticism seriously, but not personally". For such a simple sentiment, it struck me as profound. In fact, it's not too much of a stretch to say that those six words knocked our collective socks off. The room grew rather still. I could tell that there were other recovering perfectionists, like myself, in the room for whom that struck home.
There is no age limit on bullying. Winston Churchill wrote: "You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something in your life." Bullies don't stand up for anything. They tear down. They covet. They do that to fill their empty spaces while those who are bullied are seeking something and often that something is different from the every day.
Nine-year-old boys are asking why they can't have six-pack abs like Jacob from Twilight and eight-year-old girls hate their "chubby" tummies. What can we do as their parents to help them feel better about themselves? I offer tips, tools, games and projects to help parents empower their kids with the self-esteem they deserve. Here are some fun ideas to get you started.
We live in an image-obsessed, fat-phobic, thin is in, skinny jean-wearing, thigh gap-measuring, binging and purging, forever dieting, body-hating society where kids barely out of preschool are begging their mothers to keep them home from school because they feel like they're too fat to fit in. And that pisses me off.
Everyone agrees that there is more bullying these days and that it could be handled better. However, no one is asking why the incidence of bullying has increased so markedly. People used to think that bullies act the way they do because they suffer from low self-esteem. The truth turned out to be exactly the opposite.
To most parents Toddlers & Tiaras is so offensive that we can hardly watch it, let alone relate to it. While this may be obvious to many, what we often fail to see are the grains of these behaviours "normal" parents may engage in. Here are the top five lessons all parents can take from these pageant-parents in order to help their daughters build authentic and long-lasting self-esteem.
Constantly trying to avoid being disliked can take its toll on one's mental health. Indeed, most of the people I have seen in therapy with such an issue were more harmed by the worry and anxiety caused by the possibility of being disliked than by actual instances of rejection or negative evaluation.