I have spent over 14 years hiding this "tiny" part of my life, and it is now, only after writing my memoir, that I've realized that by hiding, I've been chipping away at my heart. I decided that I didn't want to hide anymore. I realized in that moment that I should have SHARED my pain instead of hiding.
This yo-yo or extreme dieting may be seen as harmless or even vain but we must recognize it stems from a very dangerous place. Negative body image is the negative self-perception of your body. It is often accompanied by shame; the unworthiness we feel due to our flaws. This combination of negative body image and shame is what leads us to take desperate measures with our bodies.
Adopting a healthier lifestyle is an active process; no one can force anyone else -- no matter how much they love them -- to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Your loved one has to be at least interested in having the "health conversation." Health is a process, and in order for long-term changes to occur, the person must want to -- and be ready to -- be part of the process... The million-dollar question becomes, how do you support a loved one's journey to become fit, without them feeling judged, belittled, and criticized?
After a lot of self-work and love, I dropped the crap and chose to love myself, every wrinkle, every imperfection inside and out. This form of self-love is what we could be spreading, as opposed to fear of aging and the fear of ending up alone. We were born alone, and we will die alone, whether or not you have a husband and kids, this is true for all of us.
Shame. It's not the type of subject you would openly discuss at your friend's baby shower. Nor is it the topic du jour at the local yoga studio as you head in for your morning workout. Nobody wants to talk about shame or -- more specifically -- the one event, experience or lifestyle choice that has led to them feeling shameful. But choosing to do so can change your life.
I felt fortunate to witness this incredibly awkward moment was because it illustrated to me an important lesson both in human frailty and in human resilience. It was one of the worst possible things that could go wrong -- followed by a surprising and excellent recovery which I saw as tremendously reassuring.
What is part of her body causes the most shame, crashes her confidence, and ultimately takes her mind of from indulging pleasure?It's her vulva. Vulva is what most of you keep calling vagina; it consists of the external genital organs. So many women are in agony worrying that their inner lips might be too big or too small.
Above all, the most important thing you can do for yourself, and your health is to forgive yourself and move on. The past cannot be changed and only you can create your best future. Especially when it comes to your food, forgive yourself for any past transgressions, then move forward with a clean slate!
Those lucky folks who seem to coast through life without anything ever going wrong? Believe me, they are few and far between. Having problems is normal, not having them is far more unusual! Here's the thing, it's generally only when we reveal our true selves that we can fully connect and establish true intimacy with others.
Of course we get sucked in when the pretty nutritionist tells us that losing the weight is as simple as 1-2-3! Optimistic, we watch her video. But despite what we want to believe, we know that being told what or how to eat isn't the solution. Being told what and how to eat does not help us lose weight and keep it off. It just doesn't work. Period.
I will tell you that I know you've tried what feels like everything to create a tolerable existence, but it hasn't worked thus far. I also know that you have hoarded your past expired medications in your toy hamper waiting for this day when you finally get "the nerve" to go through with ending it all. Please don't let today be your last, I want you to experience what it's like to smile for real again and you'll be taking that opportunity away.
Who cares if an asshole is feeling ostracized for being an asshole? Isn't that sort of the point? If they stew on it and distance themselves from other people, that's a win. Who wants to spend time with an asshole? If they revisit their thinking in order to avoid being shamed again, so much the better; either way, we lose one asshole.
Whatever happened to shame? It got put out away in a basket, somewhere in a very deep drawer, covered with other obsolete items, like religion. Do you think that other gang members would want to end up in the pillories, too? Would they want to emulate someone who has been shamed in public, ridiculed, too?
Impostor syndrome is the fear of being found out or discovered as stupid or unworthy. I don't consider myself to be someone with especially low self-esteem, but I have often felt like an impostor among very intelligent and accomplished people, and especially around individuals with elegant, show-stopping vocabularies.
I have often said "I don't do vulnerable," and yet there have been times in my life when I have had to rely on other people to take me for cancer treatments, for example. Somehow we believe by asking for help, we are being weak, are letting ourselves down, when in reality our family and friends are only too happy to help out.
Like many of you, this week I watched a YouTube video featuring the Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson, founder of The Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny, or BOND. The 12-minute film, entitled, "How Liberal Women are Building a Shameless Society," is a vehicle for Peterson's, shall we say, "unique" take on life.