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The feminists may not like it, dear daughter, but even if I made it to the very top of my profession, even if I drove a fancy company car and went on a slew of business trips, I would feel like an utter failure if any of my kids felt the need to ask me if I loved work more than I loved them.
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If you ask your daughter (or son for that matter), if they would want your job or your life and they pause, maybe you should too. Just because you can do the impossible, doesn't mean you need to. A wise woman said, "I wasn't there all the time but I was there when it mattered most."
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I'm writing this because I often complain about and worry about my new line of work / not work. I feel like I'm missing out on real life by not punching a clock. That I've perhaps sacrificed my career and will never get it back. I want to remind myself that even if I don't get it back, I haven't been wasting my time here. If anything, I've become a better worker, not a worse one.
"Balance" suggests that women's role is to straddle both carefully ensuring that each side stays perfectly equal to one another. Am I the only one that pictures a teter totor (never, thought I'd have to put that word in print, let along look up the spelling), with a laptop and note book on one end and screaming children on the other?
Noting gender, when gender is irrelevant, happens even in the most progressive of milieus. The soundtrack of my current leave of absence has been my beloved CBC, and yet just this week, I heard a newscaster refer to Ontario's Premier Kathleen Wynne and another politician as "the two women." Really? How about "the two politicians," or "the politicians" or even just "the two"?
There is yet another chain message going around the Facebook ranks, this time involving moms. While I understand, and even support, what I feel the author's intended message is, I don't think that a poorly-written and typo-laden chain letter can sum up motherhood. So I'm forced to ask myself -- yet again -- why Facebook is so stupid.
I've never been very good at making lists. When I have been able to convince myself to make a list, it was rare that I was able to follow it -- until I became a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes a list can really help slow down the whirlwind. Here are some list tips from a person who doesn't do lists.
Well-meaning cashiers at the grocery store ask, "so, you have the day off of work today?" as they check out my purchases. I feel temporarily guilty that my husband makes enough money to give me this "leisure time." Just because some women work in stores or offices all day, and then cram in housework between the hours of 7-10 p.m., should I be doing that, too?
You're a mom, right? That means you can do everything. Your children tell you that in words, actions and love every day. You can do it all. And too many times, women think they should. But, I've found firsthand, there are some times when no matter how supermom you think you are, you should still leave the kids home.
Think on how many times you have heard clarifications to the "I'm just a stay at home mom" statement. "Oh but I volunteer too!" "I sell Tupperware!" "I have a blog!" The "us against them," view of feminism that Elizabeth Wurtzel preaches in a recent issue of Atlantic denigrates men and women. It is inflammatory and scandalizing without offering any sort of solution.
Balance? Sure. Whatever. Here's the truth: there is no balance. The truth is my needs change year after year and so do the needs of my family. Nothing is perfect. Nope. When I was a full-time stay-at-home mom with young kids, I went nuts. When I worked full time, I was so filled with guilt it nearly killed me.
Researchers found that 71 per cent of mothers in their sample were not doing what they really wanted to do postpartum, whether it was staying home or going back to work. This is saddening to me because most postpartum women are not happy with their circumstances when it is supposed to be a time of joy.