The Purple Fig

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How I Live With Anorexia

The moment I put on my dream wedding dress, I cried tears of disappointment and frustration. It was exactly as I had pictured, with a corseted top that tied like a ballet slipper in the back, shiny white beads on the front, and a flowing, silky train. The dress wasn't the problem. It was how I looked in it. "You look beautiful," my mother said, thinking I was crying tears of joy. In that moment, I knew I still wasn't "better." I thought I had recovered, and I thought this meant I'd love the way I look. I hate that my eating disorder tainted this precious moment that I cannot have back. I use this hate to empower myself. Today, five years later, I think I'm "normal."
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Why I Wish I Was Needier

Yes, that's right: I wish sometimes that I was needier. In recent months, I've come to a very blunt awareness about just how independent I had become in my four years as a single person. Moreover, I can reflect today and acknowledge just how much society places value on that independence. Is our system flawed.
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Letter to My Future Self (I Hope You're Still Fun!)

Dear Old-Hot Stuff, I am writing you this letter to remind you of a few things that you may forget along the way. I know that experience and age-weight may provide you with the assumption that you know it all and you don't need advice from your 35-year-old self. But memory-loss aside, you may have gotten a little too fixed in your ways to remember a life, well let's just say, a little less-lived.
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Do All Only Children Secretly Wish For Siblings?

Do only children pine for siblings? Most of the parenting world seems to think so. Parent-friends have warned me of the perils of leading my son down the dark and isolating path travelled by the only child. Armed with some incentive to find the truth, I began a very casual and non scientific study.
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Cheating Made Me a Different Person From the Very First Kiss

It can be really easy to live with a secret. Three and a half years ago I was living in Toronto's East end, long time boyfriend and cat at home. It wasn't long before I met someone who did more than wolf-whistle out a car window. One night a few of us went out dancing. Mid-twist he kissed me and all my senses were on fire. But innocent walks turned into conversations tinged with sexual innuendo. Alleyway makeout sessions, then sex -- anywhere we could. I found myself turning into this seemingly new person. People who have never cheated ask how you can do it mentally, emotionally. It's different for everyone. But what they don't understand is that it gets to the point where recklessness overpowers all logic and all sense of "right."
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My Sister Gave Me Her Eggs: A Journey Through Fertility

When I finally got married at 37, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. But it happened in a flash on our honeymoon and we had a son. I was one of my only friends who openly wanted a second child. So began the trying; a summer of love. Which then turned into a fall of resentment. Now my sister and I are in the waiting cubicle of an IVF suite in downtown Toronto.
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I Couldn't Stay in a Loveless Marriage

After living with someone who never let go of the opportunity to insult or debase me, honestly I had started finding it hard to laugh or grin for that matter. My so called "better half" questioned my existence throughout my marriage and so along the way I started questioning myself. After the separation, as the days turned to nights, I felt a change in myself.

For the Sake of Getting Laid

I can't have sex without a connection. True story. It has dawned on me, within the past few years, that is just isn't something that's going to happen for me. I need a semblance of a relationship, fee...
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I Don't Care About Kim Kardashian

Yes, looking at a butt selfie from Kim Kardashian is entertainment and sure, we need the escape sometimes, but I'm wondering if our society can make a little 2014 New Year's resolution: have a little more balance. Maybe a little less coverage of her and a bit more of someone we can relate to and learn from.
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The Colourful Yarn That Binds Me to Syria

I was given the opportunity to visit the Olive Tree Refugee Camp in Atmeh Syria. All the little girls approached me with their unique knitted creations. When I had to say my goodbyes, one woman voiced her concerns about the lack of yarn to work with. That same night, I wrote out the plan for Tight-Knit Syria, a project to help supply yarn, as well as establish an online store to sell knitted products from the Olive Tree Camp.

Separating Insecurity from Reality

When my son was 18 months old my babysitter breezed into my home office reveling at the fact that she had walked him all the way to a play centre, then to the school to pick up my three-year-old (like...
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My Awkward One Night Stand With a Friend

I was determined to sleep with my long-time friend, Jake. How would I know if I was really attracted to him if I didn't try? It was odd and unromantic. His place was a mess, his bed was unruly and his gentlemanly ways went out the window. The next thing I know, he is unnerved. His condom supposedly wasn't on securely...
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How My Kids Learned to Feed Themselves By Themselves

When my arms were elbow-deep in the toilet this morning, I realized something. The kids called: "Momma, can you please get me a snack?" "Mommy, find my soother!" I kept saying, "You can do it! I'll help you in a second!" After a few minutes of this, they stopped asking. It got very, very quiet. I peeked out of the bathroom.