Fellas, this is going to sting a little...
This is a blog I selfishly did not want to write and cannot believe I have! However, I was urged by a few females (themselves subscribers to this style of dating) that this was something more women needed to know about and practise!
Are you ready?
It is socially accepted and possibly expected that a man may date many women at one time in search of that special one. Comparatively, many women may date only one guy at a time hoping that that one guy they invest their time and energy in will eventually become their boyfriend. She is always available, hangs out with him a lot, but never has "the talk" to confirm that they are a couple, and when he suddenly loses interest, she's left disappointed. In truth, this man has done nothing wrong. He was "dating," meeting other girls, searching for someone he was compatible with, or maybe not looking for a relationship at all. Women need to take a page out of the world of men, and start "dating." When it comes to dating, a single woman's best friend is The Roster.
Now, to clarify, I define dating as going out with someone and getting to know them as you determine whether they are a suitable match to be in a committed relationship with.
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The Roster consists of a lineup of men you may be interchangeably dating or talking to. Essentially, you are taking this time in your singleness to explore, and find out what you like and who is best suited for you. The Roster works much like a first line in hockey. You've got about five or six men who you are interested in, have an attraction to, and would like to get to know, and hopefully from among your roster may arise one that becomes your true beau (a.k.a your man/boyfriend!). The Roster has many advantages. It prevents you from getting hung up on one guy in particular who later blows you off; it prevents you from having that scent of desperation that can make you less appealing; and it also helps to reaffirm what it is you are looking for when it comes to love.
There is a caveat to The Roster. As a woman, you must understand your worth -- what is it that makes you special and why are you a prize? Personally, I don't rely on accolades to determine my value, but rather the kind of woman I know I am. Interestingly, acquiring members for The Roster may not be as hard as you think. You can find possible candidates all around you. (See eight great places to meet someone). All you need is a big smile and the ability to master the art of small talk.
So, what does The Roster consist of? Well, to use hockey as analogy, you have your centre, two forwards, two defensemen, and of course your goalie.
Just like in hockey this guy is the one you want to line up in a face-off with any other opponent. He is your first pick. He has piqued your interest the most, for whatever reason that may be. He might have that it factor. Your availability is flexible for this guy. You return his calls, texts, and email expeditiously, and you're trying to book that next date. The problem is this guy probably KNOWS you're definitely interested in him and may not try as hard as he would if he knew he was lower on the totem pole. So, if he starts to drag his heels and not reciprocate your interest, bench this guy or put him the penalty box as you move on to a formidable competitor: the forwards.
Your forwards are no slouch either. These are great guys and strong contenders. The difference between them and your centre guy is that you may have just a slightly stronger connection or rapport initially with your centre. But, the forwards come with it. And because you're likely not trying as hard with them as you are with you are with your centre, they're putting in the effort to get to know you and win your attention. Forwards can quickly change up the game and assume the centre position while your centre has been benched or even POOFed!
Your defensemen are also worthy adversaries. You may not have felt that connection like you did with your forwards and centre men, but you could if you spent a little more time with them. You likely might not view them through the rose coloured lenses you may with the other front runners, so your evaluation of these guys are probably more accurate. And because you are not as infatuated with them, these guys are TRYING. They maintain regular contact with you. They are patient and offer a lot of potential. These guys are always available and up for anything -- they just need you to make time in your schedule for them.
The puck stops here. This guy is a no fail. He is INTO YOU! The problem is he might be into you more than you are into him, and he is well aware of this imbalance. Nonetheless he is eager to prove his worth. Often your goalie might end up becoming that shiny penny, possibly revealing the tarnish in your centre man. We don't sleep on the goalie. He's got a lot of potential, and might just end up becoming the apple of your eye!
Please note dating six guys at one time might be too much. You might want to stay at a more manageable number, and as you lose interest or find one of your roster members aren't as interested in you, you cut them from the team and bring in a new roster members.
The truth is when it comes to love we should all be out there dating, trying to figure out what we like and what we don't. Having the Roster doesn't make you a "player," because you are not leading anyone on. Also, by no means am I encouraging promiscuity. I'm simply talking about keeping your options open and not getting so settled on one guy who just might not be so into you. As, one reader so aptly responded to my blog on four deadly dating mistakes men make, he found as he was getting older his pool of women to draw from also seemed to increase.
Likewise, I argue the same rule applies to women. With the advent of the cougar, and more single women being incredibly successful in their endeavours and looking amazing as they do their thing, that pool of men also increases. But, you have to know the product you're selling, and the product is YOU. After all if you can't love yourself in all your splendour, how can you ever expect someone else to do the same? And I'm not talking about arrogance or conceit, but a healthy love for who you are. To quote Alicia Keys "You are a girl on fire!" And we all know the touch of a woman makes everything better!
And fellas, if you are on The Roster, remember the cream always rises to the top. If you like a girl you are dating, make your efforts and intentions known! If the feeling is mutual we'll quickly drop The Roster for you and you alone!