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Why My Daughters Go to Private School, Even Though I Can't Afford it -- Part 1

Posted: 08/23/11 02:21 PM ET

Noel Ocol: Like Father, Like Daughters

Sure, the most common perception is that a private school education is only for the rich and privileged. And while that opinion might have some historical truth, I'd like to suggest a slight amendment to that statement that would make it more accurate:

Private school education is not only for the rich and privileged, but also for any parent who is willing to go into debt, willing to fundraise, willing borrow from family, willing to volunteer time, and especially for those willing to make massive sacrifices to their lifestyles, all for the sake of their kids.

In this three-part series of Like Father, Like Daughters, I'll endeavor to explain why I chose to pay for something that I could have for free, and why I feel that it will pay great dividends in years to come despite the many sacrifices made.

I've sent both my daughters to a small private school here in Toronto since junior kindergarten and I by no means fraternize with Toronto's rich and powerful society. I have however, humbly fundraised, borrowed, volunteered time and made numerous sacrifices over the past seven years, and I suspect that I will continue to do so over the next 10 years. So why do I do it?

Very simply, I value the character formation of my daughters and I'm willing to beg and borrow for it.

Now keep in mind, I'm not suggesting that a private school would provide a better academic education than a public school, nor am I inferring that a public school education is inferior across the board. In fact,  the level of academic excellence wasn't even a deciding factor in the private vs. public education decision. My number one priority in educating my children is their character formation and ensuring that the virtues, values and traditions that they are taught at home and by the family are also instilled in their learning environment. I believe virtues such as faith, hope, charity, courage, fortitude, restraint, compassion, prudence and love would not be promoted, let alone practiced, consistently by the faculty, administration and students at the local Catholic public school. Everything else scholastic and athletic falls second in my books.

So, while in the process of deciding on a school, I spoke to several teachers from both the private and public sectors and even to a few who taught in both. During that discourse, I found a common trait in their outlook which I found particularly interesting. Apparently, the teachers who taught in the public school seem to abhor parent-teacher interviews, whereas the teachers who taught in the private school commonly welcomed it and even encouraged them more frequently, both formally and and informally.

Now why would that be?

When I proposed my observation to the various teachers, the general consensus was typically consistent. In the public school system, there seems to be a natural discord in the relationship between the teachers and the parents. It's "us against them." The teachers vs. the parents. "You bring you kid here and let us do our job." While I'm sure that it's not the rule with every teacher in the public schools, it does appear to be a commonly accepted mindset.

Surprisingly, amongst the teachers employed in the private schools, there seems to be the generally accepted understanding that the parents are the primary educators and their role as a teacher is to support and supplement the parents' direction and mandate. They insist that the parents become involved in various matters of the school. I certainly like that idea. If I have a set of principles that I work to instill in my kids at home, I want them reinforced in the school. I like the idea of  the teacher and school being accountable to the parents rather than to a faceless board of trustees.

The Score -- Private School: 2, Public School: 0

* * * * *


In the next installment, I'll discuss some of the commonly accepted "best-practices," disclosed by some teacher friends (over dinner and a few bottles of Australian Merlot) that have further convinced me that I've made the right schooling decision.

Stay tuned.

private schools, summer camps

 

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Sure, the most common perception is that a private school education is only for t...
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12:16 PM on 10/16/2011
..Many private schools (see KIPP schools) also have parents sign a contract which is not allowed in public schools. Students can be expelled by the school if they dont meet certain school demands. This is outlawed in public schools. It also doesnt necessarily mean a better learning environment as what happened in my school is that students would be kicked out during the year bc of absences, tardies and then would have to start all over again at another school. The only thing it did for the school was help test scores, which basically was the only thing that the administration found important bc it helped the school's prestige and funding.
12:16 PM on 10/16/2011
This is pretty biased and simplistic reporting. Many public school teachers provide their students with their email address and phone number, so students and their parents can reach them when they have questions or concerns. All the teachers I have worked with call parents when they are concerned with student's actions, behavior, or grades in the classroom. More often than not parents dont want to talk about it. I taught in an urban school district in both public and private schools and there was no difference in teacher's mindset to parents. Both disliked when parents would make comments that would undermine the knowledge and authority of the teacher. Both enjoyed parental concern for their students when it was dealt with in a reasonable manner. The only difference was that the private school parents were simply more willing and open to talking with teachers and engaging with their students. This was not because of the administration or mindset at the different schools (in fact the public school administration pushed talking to parents more so than the private school).
09:22 AM on 08/26/2011
That's interesting, because where I live (Texas, USA), most public school teachers would be grateful for parent contact and interest. I've worked with public school teachers and administrators for many years and have had my kids in the public schools. I have almost always had a welcome response when I approach teachers as allies. The key for both sides to remember is that everyone has the same goal and we're working together for the good of the child. With that in mind, even in some difficult circumstances, I've rarely found teachers or administrators who won't work positively with me.
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Sandra MacKay
12:18 AM on 08/25/2011
Some parents live in poverty and are unable to send their kids to private school. Period.
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ironicisntit
11:59 PM on 08/24/2011
A local public Catholic school? Here in the US a Catholic school is a private school. I canot believe that you can condemn a whole group of people ( public school teachers) based on a few conversations. I work in a public school in California. Come meet the teachers...You will not meet a more caring, giving, patient, moral group. We are available to parents at any time....
Again, if parents are involved, their child will have a more positive experience and children who have parents who care will always do better. This can happen in any school public or private.
10:55 PM on 08/24/2011
This is so true it's scary! Thank you for writing this! We have 3 kids in private school for all of the above reasons and we sacrifice a lot for them to be there! I only hope to give them the best now, so that I have no regrets along the line.
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broui
No d#%& cat. No d#%& cradle.
07:30 PM on 08/24/2011
Every year I start with 150-155 students.

On parent night wanna guess how many parents I meet on average?

20.

Discord? I'd love to have a discord. That would mean the parents were interested in their kids' education.
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buzzardwhiskey
The US is failing too slowly to change her path
06:12 PM on 08/24/2011
Show me a school where parents are involved and have created a pervasive sense of responsibility in their children's characters, and I'll show you a good school. Period.

Finding such a school in many American neighborhoods requires an admission fee.
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SF TKF
Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
01:28 PM on 08/24/2011
Also, when I was in school, the worst place to go was the local Catholic school, where ANY non-conformity to their religious/preppy standard was met with HARSH bullying and abuse by the other students and an utter lack of protection by the staff.
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SF TKF
Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
01:23 PM on 08/24/2011
Don’t you think this might be because teachers at private schools can send their students to the office for misbehaving and the school can expel them, but teachers in public schools have to put up with whatever their students do, up to and often including physical violence? Having taught at both private and public institutions, I can tell you that dealing with the students and their parents was night and day.
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VA Jill
I'm not perfect and neither are you
01:05 PM on 08/24/2011
Sometimes you send your kids to private schools for other reasons. All of mine went to public school in grades 1-8. My boys went to public high schools, one because they had the special classes he needed and the other because we knew he'd do fine. We sent our daughter to a parochial high school in another town for several reasons---she was younger than her classmates and was a bit socially insecure although she was light years ahead scholastically, and the local high schools were huge and impersonal. We felt she needed a smaller, more personal environment, and the academic standards at the school we sent her to were high. It proved to be the right decision, and though she fought it at the time, she will tell you today she's glad we made it. Bottom line is, you have to do what you feel is right for your child. That said, I am a product of public schools, good ones, and proud of it, and I support public education
10:50 PM on 08/24/2011
Here, here. My wife and I taught for 32 years, and most of our students did very well. Those that didn't wasn't because of our lack education or not reaching out to them, but because of their parents not willing work with or follow up on their education. Too many of those that aren't in the educational field always blames the school district, the school and/or the teacher. None of these people ever put responsibility unto themselves. School, private or public takes commitment and dedication to help our children at home succeed.
07:48 AM on 08/24/2011
You have to be kidding - Blah, blah, blah, "In the public school system, there seems to be a natural discord in the relationship between the teachers and the parents. It's "us against them." The teachers vs. the parents. "You bring you kid here and let us do our job." Blah, blah, blah.

Too many parents dump their kids off at school and say,"Don't bother me. My kids are your problem now."
10:52 PM on 08/24/2011
Do you think the person that wrote this article isn't in touch with the real world? Public education is great and kids can get a lot from it, and it is us as parents to help them succeed. There's a lot of great teachers out there as well.
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P Alan Greene
07:24 AM on 08/24/2011
A variation of this same argument is used by homeschoolers, private schoolers, and unschoolers-- If I have as much control of my child's environment as possible, if I can expose them only to ideas I agree with and values I support, they will grow up to think and believe what I want them to. If I can control their world, they will grow up to be the people I think they ought to be.

Whether you're trying to exert that control in order to raise kids who believe that intellectual inquiry is good and social responsibility is a must, or to believe that the world is flat and only 5000 years old and that black people are inferior-- well, whether your goal is noble or not, your premise is simply wrong.

Consider, from my neck of the woods, the Amish. Masters of home schooling and raising children in a bubble, they still end up with everything from model citizens to drug-dealing heroin rings.

Nor does attempting to raise a child like a hothouse rose do the child any favors. And really, what sort of character education starts with the premise that there is a whole world that they should stay apart from (above).

I don't doubt that your intentions are reasonably pure. But do stop back in ten or fifteen years to let us know how things worked out.
08:43 AM on 08/24/2011
Of course parents who are concerned should have some say in a school's environment whether it be academic, safety, extr-curricula, etc. That is one of the biggest benefits of placing one's children in private or parochial schools. Often the school numbers are smaller, the teachers and other school staff are easy to contact or to have a meeting arranged. The talks between parents and teachers are honest as well as thoughtful with regards to the children's development in both academics and personality. Subjects like debating, drama, music are often promoted. Best of all, at the end of the day, the examination results at these parochial and private schools allow the students to go on to further education. You will often see poor and minority children take their first step out of the hood via their local parochial schools.
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09:11 AM on 08/24/2011
Ideas never scared my children or me. Exposing my children to beaing beaten up and shaken down with a spineless do-nothing administration is why I chose private over public.
04:30 AM on 08/24/2011
In the years I have taught as a substitute, classroom or music class teacher, I have never seen a child in AZ public schools who couldn't get a great education if the parents were willing to help. Most of the problems I ever saw were when parents didn't do any follow up on discipline or homework. Not to say that kids won't have problems if they actually admit to being smart after the age of about 10...THEY WILL. The kids who don't want to admit they are lazy will pick on the smart kids, the geeks or whatever, but part of growing up is learning the social skills to deal with that.

If there isn't an acceptable public school for your kid, what makes you think the school is acceptable for anyone else? How will the schools change for the better when you take the best and brightest kids out of the classrooms? In some states it is possible to find charter schools that have particular philosophies. Even if you had to provide a LIMO to and from school, it would likely cost less than private tuition.
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jamster88
12:33 AM on 08/24/2011
I'm sorry dude, but there are some great public schools out there.

No doubt they will get a leg up in private school, but it's not worth it if you can't afford it.

Private school might give them a little better social access, but not much. Unless they are going to a top 2 or 3 academy, it's just not worth it.
01:04 AM on 08/24/2011
That's not entirely true. Even at the low end, children of minority and poor parents have a better chance to succeed at a local inner city Catholic school than the local inner-city public school.
04:34 AM on 08/24/2011
I am not saying that you are wrong about the success part, but I think that to a certain extent the reason is not just the school, but which kids have parents who are willing to pay the tuition, or to succeed in getting scholarships.

I taught for years in areas where 80% or more of the students in the school were Hispanic, and I must admit, when we met the Catholic school kids, there was a noticeable difference in the ability level.