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Sandra Charron

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Let's Be Honest: Ageing Sucks

Posted: 03/13/2013 8:13 am

Susan Sarandon said, "I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point."

I can't wait for the day when I can relate to these words as opposed to longing for that perfect body and that flawless image.

I went from three years of competitive body building in a bikini division, where what I looked like controlled my every movement, and what I was, was a self-absorbed woman who constantly analyzed her body, deciding what needed to be done next in order to win the top national title, get sponsors, and appear on that coveted Oxygen magazine cover. Finally, one day when I was comforting my daughter who was having her first episode of teenage angst, as she was crying in my arms, I was mentally counting how much time this adolescent break-down would cost me in the gym. It was at that moment that I realized the depth of my obsession, not only with my body and my looks, but with my attempts to stop the clock.

Now I'm in a career that has me working 12-hour shifts, running off my feet to tend to the needs of my patients; working a pattern of days and nights, all of which are not at all conducive to my previous regimen of weight lifting, cardio, and healthy eating. On my infrequent days off, instead of sprinting on the treadmill for 45 minutes a day, I am spending that time lounging on my couch, watching daytime TV, and quite literally eating bonbons.

I try to accept that this is real life. This is what working women with families endure. There is very little leisure time; more to the point, a chiseled body and the necessary accoutrements that go with it like sleek shiny hair, manicured nails, and glowing skin are not impossible to achieve, but in my lived experience, the woman who achieves these is most likely lacking in a few other aspects of her life.

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  • Exercise

    Exercising does more than improve your exterior. Several studies have found <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/phys-ed-how-exercising-keeps-your-cells-young/" target="_hplink">an active lifestyle keeps your cells young</a>, according to <em>The New York Times.</em>

  • Eat Carrots, Pumpkin and Squash

    These orange veggies are chock full of the phytonutrient alpha-carotene, which <a href="http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-alpha-carotene-112310,0,2855017.story" target="_hplink">lowered the risk of dying from cancer and cardiovascular diseases</a> in a study, according to <em>The Los Angeles Times</em>.

  • Avoid Too Much Sun

    Sun worshippers, take heed: Between <a href="http://www.who.int/uv/faq/skincancer/en/index1.html" target="_hplink">two and three million people are diagnosed with skin cancer</a> globally each year, according to the World Health Organization. With May being Skin Cancer Awareness Month, <a href="http://www.thirdage.com/skin/skin-cancer-awareness-month">Third Age has tips on how to avoid the "potentially fatal cancer."</a>

  • Have Sex

    A ring-a-ding-ding! Dr. Braverman of <em>The Doctors</em> suggests <a href="http://www.thedoctorstv.com/main/content/Anti_Aging" target="_hplink">having sex at least two times a week to help "reboot the brain</a>."

  • Take Your Omega-3s

    Studies suggest that foods rich in this fatty acid may reduce your risk of Alzheimer's.

  • The Computer-Exercise Combo

    <em>Huff/Post50</em> recently reported on a study that had subjects <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/01/preventing-memory-loss_n_1465789.html?ref=fifty&ir=Fifty&just_reloaded=1">do moderate exercise and use a computer, which resulted in increased memory function</a>.

  • Up Your Glutathione Intake

    <a href="http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/quality-life-concierge/2012/apr/16/glutathione-anti-aging-machine/">Glutathione is a rock-star antioxidant found in the body's cells</a> that "neutralizes harmful free radicals," and keeps cells running smoothly, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/glutathione-new-supplement-on-block" target="_hplink">according to WebMD</a>. To attain these benefits, eat a diet loaded with fruits and vegetables.

  • Own A Pet

    While there are conflicting reports on whether or not pets will add years to your life, it is confirmed that <a href="http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/30/rethinking-the-value-of-pets/" target="_hplink">pets can ease stress and lower blood pressure</a>, <em>The New York Times</em> reports.

  • Limit Sugar Intake

    A spoonful of sugar may make the medicine go down, but it also "<a href="http://www.ucsf.edu/news/2012/02/11437/societal-control-sugar-essential-ease-public-health-burden" target="_hplink">changes metabolism, raises blood pressure, critically alters the signaling of hormones and causes significant damage to the liver</a>," according to three doctors at the University of California at San Francisco. In a <a href="http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v482/n7383/full/482027a.html" target="_hplink">recent issue of Nature</a>, they argued that the health hazards of sugar are similar to those related to drinking too much alcohol.


I understand what Susan Sarandon means by the above quote, and wouldn't it be wonderful to be that person who is so complete within herself and her worth as a human being that the feminine archetype which requires a much more self-absorbed mindset, more than 24 hours in the day, and the stopping of time -- that person that Susan is describing pays no attention to the stream of advertisements promoting the secrets that will stop the hands of time and the loosening skin beneath the chin, which was crudely referred to as a "waddle" in Ally McBeal.

But as I sit on my bed typing this on my laptop, as my gaze travels to the mirror, I startle at the sight of the woman staring back at me. I've come off three nightshifts. I haven't combed my hair or even applied chapstick to my dry, cracking lips. My own "waddle" reminds me that I am in my 40s. And as opposed to embracing this moment in time when I've accomplished many of my dreams; I'm raising four glorious human beings; I've become the nurse I always said I would be; I am smart and skilled; all I notice is my own "waddle," laughing at me, screaming that 40 is not the new 20. Who said this and why? Why can't I just be 44 and be okay with that? Why did we decide to round 40 down to 20?

Of course this is entirely my issue, my own haunting demons which darken my thoughts and prevent me from seeing the bigger picture, from accepting and embracing who I am as THIS woman, as opposed to wishing I was THAT one -- that one who looks like Jennifer Aniston, with perfectly coiffed hair and pouty painted lips. Instead of the one who is fixated on the stubborn grey roots that the box of L'Oreal can barely cover. Undereye concealer excites me and anti-ageing serums tease me, and despite my secret desire to let my armpit hair grow long and bushy, to be that woman who is OK with who she is because she is fabulous in her own right, I ask my friends to repeat the name of that product that they use that helped to diminish those fine lines.

I know women who tell me they don't care what they look like. They are fine with who they are and they embrace their age, proud of where they've been and where they are going. And as I listen to them, that voice in my head quietly questions the authenticity of what they're saying, because entire ad campaigns and television promote the opposite. They show women transforming themselves via make-overs, bootcamps, and surgery to become the feminine ideal.

I am on a journey of self-discovery, to love who I am the way I am: dark bags under my eyes and all. But if I'm honest, and I am, this is going to take a long time, and call me shallow all you want, I've been brainwashed by decades of women succumbing to this idealism. And if Susan Sarandon's words are true, and "what you are is the point," maybe being what you are is indeed a complex mixture of narcissism and truth.

 

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