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Alley18's Comments

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Is Lifelong Monogamy Possible?

Is Lifelong Monogamy Possible?

Commented Jan 5, 2013 at 15:10:42 in Canada British Columbia

“My partner and I have been in a polyamorous relationship for four of the six years we have been together. This means we enthusiastically consent to each other having loving and sexual relationships other than our own. This relationship works for us because to us monogamy doesn't make sense - we don't fully understand why you wouldn't want someone you love to enjoy the love of others. We want good things for each other and we see other relationships as good things.

This isn't to say we have never experienced jealousy, especially when we were new to polyamory and still learning to communicate, but far more often we experience excitement for each other when we talk about each other's relationships. Polyamorists often refer to this experience as compersion - the empathetic happiness you feel when you see your partner is happy with another. Jealously is like other negative emotions, sometimes its irrational, and sometimes it signals a real problem in your relationship, but we are willing to take the chance that we will experience negative emotions in life when we see a chance to grow for them. I wouldn't ask my partner not to go on business trips because I might get lonely; jealously, like loneliness is neither intolerable nor inevitable.

Most likely, consensual non-monogamy works best for some people and consensual monogamy for others. It is indeed something that requires an on-going dialogue and some time spent figuring out what you really want, and what you really believe in.”

urbancowgirl2010 on Jan 7, 2013 at 18:16:00

“Appreciate you sharing your perspective. Thanks for your comment!”