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DrVondie's Comments

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Jason Hoppy, Bethenny Frankel's Ex-Husband, Files Divorce Papers

Jason Hoppy, Bethenny Frankel's Ex-Husband, Files Divorce Papers

Commented Jan 24, 2013 at 20:14:04 in Celebrity

“Probably inevitable, but still sad.”
Ex Sex Is Something Lots Of Young Adults Do, Says Obvious Study

Ex Sex Is Something Lots Of Young Adults Do, Says Obvious Study

Commented Jan 23, 2013 at 02:06:41 in Women

“Sex with the ex is never a good idea. It just gets you re-attached. Then you have to start your grieving all over again.

Plus, as the article suggests - you could catch something!

To read more of my "break-up" tips go to http://drvondie.com/rules-for-breaking-up-can-you-ever-stay-friends
Online Dating Tips: 10 Ways To Online Date In The New Year

Online Dating Tips: 10 Ways To Online Date In The New Year

Commented Jan 6, 2013 at 19:00:51 in Canada Living

“When I help singles with Online Dating, I always remind them not to fall in love with a fantasy.

The anonymity of online dating, makes it easy for someone to pretend to be who they're not. It also makes it very easy to project onto someone who you wish they were.

That's why it's really important to remember that you're dealing with a stranger until you actually meet. So, don't do a lot of texting, emailing, calling, especially before your first date. Because it can be very disappointing when you do finally meet if it doesn't work out.

And you'll feel strange knowing that you've shared intimate details with someone who turns out not to be who you thought they were.

To get more online dating tips, go to http://drvondie.com/7-tips-to-help-you-find-love-online

And to learn how to spot red flags in online dating, go to http://drvondie.com/how-to-spot-red-flags-when-youre-dating-online
Oxytocin May Play Role In Fidelity By Affecting Distance Committed Men Keep From Attractive Women

Oxytocin May Play Role In Fidelity By Affecting Distance Committed Men Keep From Attractive Women

Commented Nov 16, 2012 at 15:38:20 in Healthy Living

“Sounds like you have LOTS of oxytocin!

And yes men also produce oxytocin. They just needs lots more physical touch to keep it going. That's also why they don't do so well with long distance relationships.

It can be a little "out of sight, out of mind."”
Oxytocin May Play Role In Fidelity By Affecting Distance Committed Men Keep From Attractive Women

Oxytocin May Play Role In Fidelity By Affecting Distance Committed Men Keep From Attractive Women

Commented Nov 15, 2012 at 12:36:02 in Healthy Living

“The "cuddle hormone" is at it again. :)
Except as far as I know, it is women who mostly produce oxytocin.
Men primarily produce vasopressin, which works a little differently.”

avenueskier on Nov 19, 2012 at 18:49:37

“So, vasopressin. Now that needs to be researched.”

jf12 on Nov 16, 2012 at 10:20:20

“Men are affected by both, but I routinely overhydrate and I assure you my pair bonding is not diminished in any way. I think I may produce more oxytocin, or am overly excitable by it, than most men. I was extremely petted as a baby, and spent most of my waking (and nonwaking) hours as a toddler hugged up to siblings, other relatives, and neighbors, extending into elementary school.”

RealistBC on Nov 15, 2012 at 21:31:19

“Can I schedule an appointment to discuss this, Doc?”
Hot Flashes: Hypnosis Can Reduce Symptoms Of Menopause

Hot Flashes: Hypnosis Can Reduce Symptoms Of Menopause

Commented Nov 5, 2012 at 13:23:48 in Fifty

“Great article!
I'm a California Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. And this year I became certified as a hypnotherapist. It has been amazing to see the myriad of ways that hypnosis can help heal the mind and body.
I joke with my clients that I have a new "superpower!" :)
Though really it's all about them accessing the "power" of their imagination.
Because when you're in a relaxed state such as hypnosis (which btw is just like meditation or guided imagery where you imagine yourself in your "peaceful place") ... Anyway, when you're in that relaxed state, your brain records activity the same -- whether you do it or imagine it.
That's what's AMAZING!
And yes, it can provide healing and relief for many different disorders and issues.
To learn more, go to http://www.DrVondie.com/hypnosis
4 Signs That You Should Go to Therapy

4 Signs That You Should Go to Therapy

Commented May 1, 2014 at 11:21:22 in Healthy Living

“Thanks Ben,
Right back at you. ; )”
4 Signs That You Should Go to Therapy

4 Signs That You Should Go to Therapy

Commented Apr 17, 2014 at 12:03:07 in Healthy Living

“Hi Ben,

Another thoughtful article.

What I see most often is the Repeating Relationships pattern. Where women keep dating "the same guy with a different face." He won't commit. He's unavailable...

And it can happen to men too - where they keep dating the same self-absorbed, unavailable type of women. The relationships might start out different, but before long they realize they're back in the same pattern that they're trying to break.

With couples, I tell them it's time to get help when they try to work out their disagreements and it keeps getting worse instead of better. That's when an objective third party can really help.

Thanks again for sharing.

Vondie Lozano
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Apr 29, 2014 at 17:27:46

“Dear Vondie,

You are just the kindest soul. Thank you for your warm, thoughtful and helpful response. It can absolutely happen to men too-- they can just (at times) be less likely to talk about this. Glad that you are out there doing such important work for the world.
Sincerely,
Ben”
The 6-Letter Word for LOVE (And the Only One That Matters)

The 6-Letter Word for LOVE (And the Only One That Matters)

Commented Jan 27, 2014 at 18:47:25 in Healthy Living

“Okay, I just checked. Technically "love" is a noun. But, it should be a verb! :)”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Jan 28, 2014 at 12:50:14

“Amen! ;)”
The 6-Letter Word for LOVE (And the Only One That Matters)

The 6-Letter Word for LOVE (And the Only One That Matters)

Commented Jan 27, 2014 at 18:43:40 in Healthy Living

“Hi Ben,

Another excellent article on my favorite topic -- LOVE!

I always tell women, it's easy for him to say "I love you" but if his actions don't match his words, that's not love. (And the same goes for guys -- if her words are "I love you" but her actions don't match, trust the actions.)

Talk is cheap.
Remember, love is also a verb.

Vondie
drvondie.com”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Jan 28, 2014 at 12:50:01

“Well put, Dr. Vondie. Sounds like you are helping a lot of people who get caught up in words rather than actions and putting them on the right track!”

DrVondie on Jan 27, 2014 at 18:47:25

“Okay, I just checked. Technically "love" is a noun. But, it should be a verb! :)”
Is Being Single Really That Bad?

Is Being Single Really That Bad?

Commented Dec 10, 2013 at 11:56:47 in Women

“Excellent article!

And yes, you're exactly right when you said, "I've realized I'm probably single because somewhere I still want to be."

Usually underneath it all, there's a reason why it's "safer" to be single. And that's the key to unlocking all of this -- figuring out what's holding you back.

I know it doesn't seem like rocket science, but it usually goes back to family stuff and not wanting the relationships you saw or had. (Not always, but often).

And, it's also about getting past the "height requirement" kind of stuff. And usually letting go of "the list" as you pointed out. Good to have a list, but just as good to let go of it.

Because a good guy - the right guy for you - may not fit your list, but he may have ALL KINDS of stuff you didn't think of to put on a list.

So, yes, stay hopeful and keep putting yourself out there. But, also remember to look at the stuff that's getting in your way first. Then you should be good to go!

Wishing you lots of love and a great holiday!

Vondie Lozano, Ph.D. LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

I recently put together an Online Dating workshop called "Shopping for Men" because one of my friends said online dating combines both her addictions "shopping" and "men." :)

You can get the first part for free at http://drvondie.com/free-stuff/shopping-for-men-part-1
huffingtonpost entry

The Blessing of Blessing

Commented Nov 26, 2013 at 13:07:38 in Religion

“Thanks Ben, Another thoughtful article on a rarely discussed topic.

btw- I thought there was scientific support that prayers speeds healing ... even when the recipient of the prayer is unaware of the "intercessory prayer" (praying on someone else's behalf, I think :)

It's easier for me to approach things "spiritually" rather than "religiously" these days... but I don't want to miss out on the spiritual within the religious.

As I was recently reminded... "There are many paths to God."

Thanks again for your thanksgiving message. Hope you have a blessed holiday.

Vondie”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Nov 29, 2013 at 18:01:08

“Hi Vondie,

Thanks for your kind response (as always). The data on intercessory prayer is "spotty" at best and most of the meta-analyses found little/no effect, but my feeling as that these academic studies miss the point because most people know they are being prayed for and so prayer is helpful in that way. Happy to give you some of the citations if you want.
Yes. There are many paths to God. Well put.

I hope that you are having a restful and blessed holiday as well.
Warmly,
Ben”
huffingtonpost entry

What Do You Do When Death Is a Relief?

Commented Nov 12, 2013 at 11:39:59 in Healthy Living

“Hi Ben,
Another thoughtful article on a difficult topic. Thanks for the reminder that we all grieve differently and in our own way. And when a loved one is suffering, there can be lots of conflicting emotions when they pass. And I agree -- always important to reach out for support.
Vondie”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Nov 29, 2013 at 18:04:23

“Thanks, Vondie for both reading and commenting on this article, which didn't seem to get much love on HuffPost. I suppose the topic is quite sad and people don't generally want to engage with it unless they have to. I appreciate you doing so and your continued kindness. Warmly, Ben”
5 Early Warning Signs You're With a Narcissist

5 Early Warning Signs You're With a Narcissist

Commented Jun 6, 2013 at 17:23:25 in Women

“Awesome article Craig! Thank-you! I posted it on all my social media.

Vondie Lozano,
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist”

hp blogger Dr. Craig Malkin on Jul 12, 2013 at 09:50:29

“Thank you!”
If Everybody Likes You, You are Doing it Wrong

If Everybody Likes You, You are Doing it Wrong

Commented Apr 23, 2013 at 12:41:06 in Healthy Living

“You too! :)”
If Everybody Likes You, You are Doing it Wrong

If Everybody Likes You, You are Doing it Wrong

Commented Apr 22, 2013 at 14:03:46 in Healthy Living

“LOVE your article Ben! Especially the part about the 85% rule.

Words to live by...

:)”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Apr 23, 2013 at 11:19:04

“Thanks, Dr. Vondie. Hope you are having a fab day! Ben”
The Biggest Risk Is the One You Never Take

The Biggest Risk Is the One You Never Take

Commented Mar 14, 2013 at 16:07:22 in Healthy Living

“As a matter of fact I am! Taking lots of risks, too! Perfect timing to get your article. Very inspiring. :)”
The Biggest Risk Is the One You Never Take

The Biggest Risk Is the One You Never Take

Commented Mar 8, 2013 at 13:31:20 in Healthy Living

“Awesome article - Ben! Thanks for sharing! :)”

hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Mar 12, 2013 at 16:00:40

“Thank YOU for reading, Dr Vondie. Hope you are having a great day/week. :) -Ben”
Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Commented Mar 4, 2013 at 13:16:56 in Politics

“Thank-you Dr. Craig Malkin. I so appreciate your willingness to tackle the tough topics and explore them at a deeper level.
Looking forward to your next article.
:)”
Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Why Do People Stay in Abusive Relationships?

Commented Mar 1, 2013 at 13:49:32 in Politics

“Thank-you for your thoughtful comments.
Yes, abusive relationships are complex.
I think it almost always goes back to our families-of-origin. If you grew up with love and mistreatment all wrapped up together, it's very difficult to untangle that. Most of the time you will be drawn to people who are like your family. And therein lies the problem.
It usually takes lots of therapy to break-out of these patterns. And thank god for the shelters and other types of resources available for women.
And, just out of curiosity... I still don't get why anyone would vote against legislation intended to reduce violence against women???

p.s. Here's an article I wrote about how we end up choosing people like our families and how we can learn to date "against type" if we want something different than what we saw growing up. http://drvondie.com/why-passion-is-better-than-chemistry

hp blogger Dr. Craig Malkin on Mar 2, 2013 at 14:52:08

“You're very welcome Dr. Vondie. You're absolutely right about family history. It's enormously important. And thank you for sharing additional materials with the readers!”
huffingtonpost entry

What I Learned From A Year Of Online Dating

Commented Feb 27, 2013 at 23:03:28 in Fifty

“Great article Melani!

I feel sorry for those guys. They sound sincere, just very misguided.
Good luck with your bootcamp for men!

Dr. Vondie

p.s. I also wanted to include some of my tips to help online daters "read between the lines" so they can spot "red flags" before the date!
http://drvondie.com/how-to-spot-red-flags-when-youre-dating-online
It's Time to Bring Back Some Kindness to Dating

It's Time to Bring Back Some Kindness to Dating

Commented Jan 24, 2013 at 18:53:10 in Healthy Living

“Hi Kira,
I'm with you. But I think most people figure no contact sends a message. But the worst is when you've become very close - or worst -- intimate and then they bail. Ouch. So I agree no one likes to hear bad news. but t is kinder to say "something" rather than just disappearing. And I tell people even if a text is the best you can do, that's better than nothing at all.”
Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Commented Jan 18, 2013 at 14:27:00 in TED Weekends

“Hi Dr. Malkin,  Thank you so much for your article. I always love learning more about the neuroscience of love. And yes, for men, sex is often how they connect and bond. I wonder how much is socialization and how much is because men have so much more brain space devoted to sex. I just remember Luanne Brizendine in "The Female Brain" saying -- Sex is as important to men as talking is to women. It helps us women see things from a man's perspective. She also talks about how men need much more touch than women (daily touch) to stay connected and attached.
I'll look forward to your next article. :) (btw -- out of town for a few days, hence the late reply)”
Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Commented Jan 11, 2013 at 19:08:10 in TED Weekends

“EXACTLY! (she feels loved, she's less tired, not angry... those are all the stars that need to align for a woman.) You are one smart man and she is one lucky woman.”

RealistBC on Jan 11, 2013 at 23:47:02

“Yeah, just let her sit on the sofa snogging bon bons while you do everything for her. Then she'll get mad at you for falling asleep so quickly afterwards.”
Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Can Acting in Love Help You Stay in Love?

Commented Jan 11, 2013 at 18:45:34 in TED Weekends

“That can work if she is feeling connected to him and "in the mood." Otherwise it's "icky" for her. And the last thing you want is for a woman to associate sex with feeling "icky." Will definitely create problems for future.”

jf12 on Jan 13, 2013 at 08:35:50

“Her sqeamishness is totally her fault. They are already partnered up.”
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