Jan 6, 2013 at 19:00:51
“When I help singles with Online Dating, I always remind them not to fall in love with a fantasy.
The anonymity of online dating, makes it easy for someone to pretend to be who they're not. It also makes it very easy to project onto someone who you wish they were.
That's why it's really important to remember that you're dealing with a stranger until you actually meet. So, don't do a lot of texting, emailing, calling, especially before your first date. Because it can be very disappointing when you do finally meet if it doesn't work out.
And you'll feel strange knowing that you've shared intimate details with someone who turns out not to be who you thought they were.
Nov 15, 2012 at 12:36:02
“The "cuddle hormone" is at it again. :)
Except as far as I know, it is women who mostly produce oxytocin.
Men primarily produce vasopressin, which works a little differently.”
avenueskier on Nov 19, 2012 at 18:49:37
“So, vasopressin. Now that needs to be researched.”
jf12 on Nov 16, 2012 at 10:20:20
“Men are affected by both, but I routinely overhydrate and I assure you my pair bonding is not diminished in any way. I think I may produce more oxytocin, or am overly excitable by it, than most men. I was extremely petted as a baby, and spent most of my waking (and nonwaking) hours as a toddler hugged up to siblings, other relatives, and neighbors, extending into elementary school.”
RealistBC on Nov 15, 2012 at 21:31:19
“Can I schedule an appointment to discuss this, Doc?”
I'm a California Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. And this year I became certified as a hypnotherapist. It has been amazing to see the myriad of ways that hypnosis can help heal the mind and body.
I joke with my clients that I have a new "superpower!" :)
Though really it's all about them accessing the "power" of their imagination.
Because when you're in a relaxed state such as hypnosis (which btw is just like meditation or guided imagery where you imagine yourself in your "peaceful place") ... Anyway, when you're in that relaxed state, your brain records activity the same -- whether you do it or imagine it.
That's what's AMAZING!
And yes, it can provide healing and relief for many different disorders and issues.
To learn more, go to http://www.DrVondie.com/hypnosis”
Apr 17, 2014 at 12:03:07
Another thoughtful article.
What I see most often is the Repeating Relationships pattern. Where women keep dating "the same guy with a different face." He won't commit. He's unavailable...
And it can happen to men too - where they keep dating the same self-absorbed, unavailable type of women. The relationships might start out different, but before long they realize they're back in the same pattern that they're trying to break.
With couples, I tell them it's time to get help when they try to work out their disagreements and it keeps getting worse instead of better. That's when an objective third party can really help.
Thanks again for sharing.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist”
hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Apr 29, 2014 at 17:27:46
You are just the kindest soul. Thank you for your warm, thoughtful and helpful response. It can absolutely happen to men too-- they can just (at times) be less likely to talk about this. Glad that you are out there doing such important work for the world.
Jan 27, 2014 at 18:43:40
Another excellent article on my favorite topic -- LOVE!
I always tell women, it's easy for him to say "I love you" but if his actions don't match his words, that's not love. (And the same goes for guys -- if her words are "I love you" but her actions don't match, trust the actions.)
Talk is cheap.
Remember, love is also a verb.
hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Jan 28, 2014 at 12:50:01
“Well put, Dr. Vondie. Sounds like you are helping a lot of people who get caught up in words rather than actions and putting them on the right track!”
DrVondie on Jan 27, 2014 at 18:47:25
“Okay, I just checked. Technically "love" is a noun. But, it should be a verb! :)”
“Thanks Ben, Another thoughtful article on a rarely discussed topic.
btw- I thought there was scientific support that prayers speeds healing ... even when the recipient of the prayer is unaware of the "intercessory prayer" (praying on someone else's behalf, I think :)
It's easier for me to approach things "spiritually" rather than "religiously" these days... but I don't want to miss out on the spiritual within the religious.
As I was recently reminded... "There are many paths to God."
Thanks again for your thanksgiving message. Hope you have a blessed holiday.
hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Nov 29, 2013 at 18:01:08
Thanks for your kind response (as always). The data on intercessory prayer is "spotty" at best and most of the meta-analyses found little/no effect, but my feeling as that these academic studies miss the point because most people know they are being prayed for and so prayer is helpful in that way. Happy to give you some of the citations if you want.
Yes. There are many paths to God. Well put.
I hope that you are having a restful and blessed holiday as well.
Nov 12, 2013 at 11:39:59
Another thoughtful article on a difficult topic. Thanks for the reminder that we all grieve differently and in our own way. And when a loved one is suffering, there can be lots of conflicting emotions when they pass. And I agree -- always important to reach out for support.
hp blogger Ben Michaelis, Ph.D. on Nov 29, 2013 at 18:04:23
“Thanks, Vondie for both reading and commenting on this article, which didn't seem to get much love on HuffPost. I suppose the topic is quite sad and people don't generally want to engage with it unless they have to. I appreciate you doing so and your continued kindness. Warmly, Ben”
“Thank-you for your thoughtful comments.
Yes, abusive relationships are complex.
I think it almost always goes back to our families-of-origin. If you grew up with love and mistreatment all wrapped up together, it's very difficult to untangle that. Most of the time you will be drawn to people who are like your family. And therein lies the problem.
It usually takes lots of therapy to break-out of these patterns. And thank god for the shelters and other types of resources available for women.
And, just out of curiosity... I still don't get why anyone would vote against legislation intended to reduce violence against women???
Jan 24, 2013 at 18:53:10
I'm with you. But I think most people figure no contact sends a message. But the worst is when you've become very close - or worst -- intimate and then they bail. Ouch. So I agree no one likes to hear bad news. but t is kinder to say "something" rather than just disappearing. And I tell people even if a text is the best you can do, that's better than nothing at all.”
Jan 18, 2013 at 14:27:00
“Hi Dr. Malkin, Thank you so much for your article. I always love learning more about the neuroscience of love. And yes, for men, sex is often how they connect and bond. I wonder how much is socialization and how much is because men have so much more brain space devoted to sex. I just remember Luanne Brizendine in "The Female Brain" saying -- Sex is as important to men as talking is to women. It helps us women see things from a man's perspective. She also talks about how men need much more touch than women (daily touch) to stay connected and attached.
I'll look forward to your next article. :) (btw -- out of town for a few days, hence the late reply)”
Jan 11, 2013 at 18:45:34
“That can work if she is feeling connected to him and "in the mood." Otherwise it's "icky" for her. And the last thing you want is for a woman to associate sex with feeling "icky." Will definitely create problems for future.”
jf12 on Jan 13, 2013 at 08:35:50
“Her sqeamishness is totally her fault. They are already partnered up.”