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Susan Valentine

Registered Psychotherapist

Susan Valentine, M.A., M.Ed, is a Registered Psychotherapist in Toronto who specializes in and writes about relationship issues. Learn more at: susanvalentine.ca
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Bring Joy To Your Relationship

Ooh, couples, what is it that really breaks our heart? A lack of joy. It doesn't matter if we're embroiled in anger and blame, or frozen out by cold and distant withdrawal. Couples in crisis are not experiencing joy, either individually or together.
03/17/2017 04:48 EDT
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Couples: Are You Fighting Again? Blame Your Brain

You and your partner get into a spectacular fight. And let us guess... it's his fault. Or hers. Definitely not yours. It's never really our fault. Even if we apologize, we may still think our partner provoked us to act that way. If only he listened better. If only she stayed out of it. As couples therapists we see this often.
10/13/2015 05:18 EDT
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Kids Need You to Trust Them

As parents and caregivers, how can we best help our children shape their sense of self? Trust. Through trusting them, demonstrating trustworthiness, and instilling a sense of trust. The more we trust our children, and are open to listening to their feelings and experiences, the more they learn to trust their own internal state.
05/14/2015 06:03 EDT
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How Botox Can Harm Your Relationship

We rely on the expression around the eyes with our partners to connect. It tells us if they are feeling safe or happy or worried or threatened. Without this cue we don't know how to respond. We see this in children with autism who have flat muscle tone around the eyes; not only are we unable to understand their social engagement cues, but they are not able to understand ours either.
07/18/2014 12:37 EDT
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Revitalize Your Relationship -- Take Our One-Week Challenge

Want to really rev up your relationship? Even your life? Step it up for our one-week relationship challenge. We challenge you to embrace your relationship as the most important thing in your life. The most interesting thing is that if you and your partner meet this challenge, you'll find your own needs met in a way that doesn't happen when you're both optimizing for yourselves.
02/13/2014 12:16 EST
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How to Recover From 'Relationship Trauma'

You need to see that your partner has suffered too, not from your anger, but from the weight of his or her own actions. If you believe your partner deeply regrets his actions, knows he was wrong, and even feels he violated his own personal standards, you will feel more trusting and open to forgiveness.
12/17/2013 05:36 EST
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The One Thing All Couples Should Do in Bed

Sure, you may still end up fighting, but it won't be nearly as acute. And haven't you noticed how much easier everything seems when you and your loved one are close? How life feels better? Deadlines seem less daunting, children seem less demanding, and other stressors become more manageable.
12/05/2013 05:30 EST
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The Secret to Why Couples Fight -- And It's Not What You Think

With our couple, Robyn feels insecure about their connectedness. She wants to feel close. So when he comes home late, she turns that into, "I'm not important. He doesn't care." She feels hurt or abandoned, and that's why she gets upset. On the other hand, Blair needs validation. His sense of identity and confidence are important.
11/05/2013 12:25 EST
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12 Ways to Reignite the Passion in Your Relationship

This may be one of the greatest conundrums a couple can face. How to have a stable and secure relationship, and keep the passion alive? How to become a family (with or without children) and yet remain lovers? We have gathered research, clues, and client feedback for some practical ways to stay hot and heavy.
10/22/2013 12:17 EDT
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Worried You Married the Wrong Person? Ask Yourself This Question

Yep, you can marry the wrong person. There are countless ways and reasons to restore your marriage, but sometimes the problem goes beyond trust, or communication, or intimacy. Usually in these cases, the question being asked is not, "How do I fix my relationship?" Instead it's, "Should I stay or should I leave?"
10/08/2013 08:04 EDT