Susan Valentine
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Susan Valentine, M.A., M.Ed, is a Registered Psychotherapist in Toronto who specializes in and writes about relationship issues. Learn more at:

Entries by Susan Valentine

Bring Joy To Your Relationship

(1) Comments | Posted March 17, 2017 | 4:48 PM

Ooh, couples, what is it that really breaks our heart?

A lack of joy.

It doesn't matter if we're embroiled in anger and blame, or frozen out by cold and distant withdrawal. Couples in crisis are not experiencing joy, either individually or together.

In The Book of...

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Have You Found The Best Way To Cope With Trump Trauma?

(15) Comments | Posted December 21, 2016 | 6:27 AM

5:00am on November 9. Wake up heart pounding and check my phone. Shock. Disbelief.

All I want to do is put my head under my pillow. I don't read the news for three days. There must be some mistake!

I wasn't surprised that I went to avoidance and denial when...

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How To Make Decisions Without Distress

(0) Comments | Posted November 11, 2015 | 4:30 PM

'Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." -- C.S. Lewis

Have you ever sat in a restaurant, staring at the menu, torn between two entrées?

You ask the...

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Couples: Are You Fighting Again? Blame Your Brain

(0) Comments | Posted October 13, 2015 | 5:18 PM

You and your partner get into a spectacular fight. And let us guess... it's his fault. Or hers. Definitely not yours.

It's never really our fault. Even if we apologize, we may still think our partner provoked us to act that way. If only he listened better. If only she...

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Kids Need You to Trust Them

(0) Comments | Posted May 14, 2015 | 6:03 PM

In our therapy practice we don't work directly with children. But all of our clients, and all of us, were once children and our sense of self was shaped during those formative years. As therapists we have a unique perspective on what children need to best engage in the world,...

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How Botox Can Harm Your Relationship

(0) Comments | Posted July 18, 2014 | 12:37 PM

Okay, a confession (which has nothing to do with facial injections but has everything to do with why I'm writing this article.)

I love being a relationship therapist. When I'm not seeing clients, I'm reading books, attending courses, or talking to my colleagues about something relationship-related. Even though it...

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Revitalize Your Relationship -- Take Our One-Week Challenge

(1) Comments | Posted February 13, 2014 | 11:16 AM

Want to really rev up your relationship? Even your life?

Step it up for our one-week relationship challenge.

As relationship psychotherapists, we've seen how making this one major shift can transform your relationship. And we're confident you'll see a difference in just one week.

We challenge you to...

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5 Signs Your Divorce Will be High Conflict (And How to Survive)

(2) Comments | Posted January 29, 2014 | 11:33 AM

Divorce is ranked above going to jail or losing a family member as the second most stressful life event you can face. In fact, the death of a spouse or child are the only events considered more stressful. And yet, this doesn't even take into account what divorce is like...

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Wish Your Man Understood You Better? Team Therapy May Help

(0) Comments | Posted January 10, 2014 | 6:44 AM

When my two colleagues and I developed the idea behind 3VIEW -- an innovative team approach to therapy -- we envisioned how much women would love it. Women would have three times the support, validation, and insight in just one session. Didn't women envy Carrie Bradshaw for her...

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How to Recover From 'Relationship Trauma'

(0) Comments | Posted December 17, 2013 | 4:36 PM

You can't get over it.

Your partner promises he won't go out for drinks alone with that flirtatious colleague while he's away on a conference. That night you text and call him, again and again, and no answer. Finally when he picks up, you can hear he's out somewhere...

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The One Thing All Couples Should Do in Bed

(0) Comments | Posted December 5, 2013 | 4:30 PM

I'll come clean. This article has nothing to do with sex, or at least not directly. But it does focus on the most important thing you and your partner can do (in bed) to strengthen your relationship.

Ask yourself this -- when do you and your partner fight the most?...

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The Secret to Why Couples Fight -- And It's Not What You Think

(1) Comments | Posted November 5, 2013 | 10:27 AM

Psst, I'll let you in on a therapist secret. When you walk into our office and complain that you and your partner are fighting about something, we listen and nod and empathize. But we know you haven't told us the real issue.

We understand it's not deliberate, or that you...

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12 Ways to Reignite the Passion in Your Relationship

(2) Comments | Posted October 22, 2013 | 11:41 AM

Relationship therapists everywhere have been digesting the conversation started a few months ago by Daniel Bergner about female desire. As in sexual desire. As in libido.

We've been as eye-opened as the rest.

Since we started seeing clients, and for as long as we've been talking to women (a very...

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Worried You Married the Wrong Person? Ask Yourself This Question

(1) Comments | Posted October 8, 2013 | 8:04 AM

Yep, you can marry the wrong person.

There are countless ways and reasons to restore your marriage, but sometimes the problem goes beyond trust, or communication, or intimacy. Sometimes even couples counselling with a team of relationship experts won't help.

Usually in these cases, the question being asked...

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