That's the thing about exes; it's impossible to keep them in the past. Whether their lingering trail is on your Facebook wall or on your couch, they still appear hauntingly and unexpectedly, like ghosts. At the end, in some twisted way we are all connected to one another -- I to his ex-lovers and he to mine -- trying to make sense of love and life.
There is a very prevalent hostility between the sexes, constantly reinforced by today's no-strings-attached dating game. No one has to commit. No one is responsible. Everyone is out for himself or herself. Everyone is on the defensive. So many options and no need to choose. Immediate gratification coupled with complete lack of empathy.
Dear Colette, I've been online dating for a few years now and I haven't had all that much luck. When I write to the men I'd like to know better, their replies are either nonexistent or downright mean. I know the reason that they do this: Men are visual, and I'm not all that much to look at. I know that. What is a woman like me to do?
This is not an article about how to get yourself married. It's not about making yourself emotionally available, or putting yourself out there, or not returning calls right away. It's not even about finding the right match for you. I don't really know you. What I can speak to though is how to discern good men from bad.
When your partner says "I love you" too early in the relationship, it's often because he or she is feeling insecure themselves or in the relationship, or more likely both. But if you don't oblige with the return "I love you," it makes the other person feel even more insecure. But that's no excuse to lie.
Dating is almost like a game of musical chairs -- there's anticipation and excitement, as well as fear that we aren't going to find a seat before they're all gone! Throughout our lives we may sit down multiple times. When a chair doesn't work out, the music starts again and we go for our next chair.
If you had the chance to be the most beautiful person in the world or to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner, which would you choose? I am certain in the recesses of many people's brains, beauty would be chosen... And possibly for understandable reasons. How many people would choose beauty in a mate over brains?
Even the best of dates can awkward when the bill hits the table. Avoid a drawn-out exchange of "I'll get it," "No, I insist, I'll get it." If someone really wants to treat you, let them and graciously thank them. If the night is going well and you want to reciprocate, you could offer to carry on someplace else for dessert.
Some people need time to warm up to a dog, and you should allow for a bonding period. However if your date is disrespectful to your commitment to your dog, i.e., encourages you to leave him or her alone overnight "because, she'll be ok, it's just one night, or a few more hours," I think this a bad sign.