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When I reached the bottom with my own addiction to pot and prescription drugs almost 30 years ago, I too realized that I had to change my life or I would die. I knew that I didn't really want to die, but that I couldn't go on living the way I was at that point. I had grown quite tired of being a caterpillar, though I had no idea how to become a butterfly.
I think we do all women a disservice when we don't challenge the "Disneyfication" of our reproductive experience. Pregnancy is glorified as transcendent despite its many dark elements. Birth is similarly idealized. But miscarriages resist beatification; at best, they are an extremely efficient expulsion of expired reproductive material by one's own body.
Babies don't have power. Not physical power at least, although being cute does command a lot of attention. When we are born we depend on our parents to feed and change us, protect us and keep us alive...
What does intimacy mean to you? Sexual intimacy is probably the most stereotypical and most familiar definition of the word in modern society. But most people want more than just the act of sex -- they want some depth.