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How I Became Hipster Kryptonite

I hope I can ride this one out. I like my plain t-shirts, and I'm getting to old to try to find a new thing. I guess I will be "normcore". A fashion rebel. An iconoclast, thumbing my nose at those consumerist sheep. I will wear my khaki pants as a badge of honour, my t-shirts as a flag of allegiance to the state of bland.