Tim Sandlin
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Tim Sandlin is the author of ten books including Honey Don't and Jimi Hendrix Turns Eighty. He is director of the Jackson Hole Writers Conference.

Entries by Tim Sandlin

The True Meaning of Easter in Canmore

(0) Comments | Posted March 3, 2014 | 10:40 AM

On Palm Sunday, Jesus rides into town on the back of a mule while locals strew pine boughs in his path because there is a shortage of palm fronds. He and the disciples ski most of the week but Friday he is seized by Pharisees from the Chamber of Commerce...

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How to Milk a Moose

(1) Comments | Posted February 24, 2014 | 1:59 PM

"Somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things." -- Bullwinkle

I'm not certain how Clyde Walsowski-Smith first heard about moose cheese. I suspect the information came from one of his horn hunting buddies, those guys looking to get rich off nature's leftovers. However Clyde got the word, when told...

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How Education Works in the United States

(1) Comments | Posted February 15, 2014 | 6:23 PM

A student, a teacher, a principal and the governor of North Carolina were lost in the southwest desert for three days and nights. The food ran out, then the water ran out. They had no internet service. They knew that without water they would surely die.

On the third afternoon,...

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Watching Shane (and 99 Other Ways to Beat the Blues)

(0) Comments | Posted February 10, 2014 | 10:35 AM

When she was thirteen years old, Tanya Tucker had a big crossover country/pop hit called Delta Dawn. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, she found herself famous, the Miley Cyrus of her day. Tanya went into a wild spell marked by extremes, outrageous behaviour and public delamination of the...

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Suicide and Reviews: Part II

(2) Comments | Posted January 31, 2014 | 2:59 PM

So, the page proofs of Rowdy in Paris have come and gone. The novel has been written seven times, edited twice, copyedited once, and, now, proofed, all with the goal of making it sound spontaneously regurgitated. Unless someone hires me to write a screenplay, I'll never read the book again....

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Proust and the Hernia

(1) Comments | Posted January 20, 2014 | 10:33 AM

I've always read the Fat Classics -- the books people discuss at parties where they serve cold fish, the books most of the ones doing the talking haven't actually read -- on the toilet. I am one of the few college graduates who can boast of reading all 780 pages...

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My Mom Knew Your Mom in High School (So You Won't Mind if We Sleep on Your Floor)

(0) Comments | Posted January 1, 2014 | 2:23 PM

Here's a piece I wrote a couple years ago. The next week I got four calls from regional newspapers wanting to do a story on Day Care Air. Journalists have no sense of humour.

One of the mixed blessings of living in Scenic Wonderland is that you get more company...

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You, Too, Can Buy an Oscar Nomination

(1) Comments | Posted December 16, 2013 | 10:47 AM

Did you ever wonder why certain mid-major to major studios seem to receive so many more Oscar nominations than others? The answer in some -- but God knows not all -- cases is that they pay for them. Not directly, of course. The people who run the Oscars are complete...

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Chicken Soup for the Arrogant Soul

(2) Comments | Posted December 9, 2013 | 11:42 AM

I've seen a number of movies the last couple of years that end with one of the main characters sitting at a table, behind a huge pile of brand new hardback books, while a line of eager young men and alluring young women wait for a personally signed copy of...

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Truth, Lies and Styrofoam

(1) Comments | Posted December 2, 2013 | 9:55 AM

Fiction writers write a series of lies that add up to Truth. Capital T. Nonfiction writers write a series of facts that add up to a point of view, if you are kind, and a lie, if you are tacky. I write novels, which means my lies are Truth. Bill...

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Angels and Colons

(0) Comments | Posted November 24, 2013 | 1:31 PM

I know you are all on virtual tenterhooks about the state of my colon, so here is the report:

As I was lying on the skinny hospital bed on wheels, slowly rising out of the anesthesia, my brain in blackest smog, the curtain parted and in...

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Rejection, Hollywood-Style

(1) Comments | Posted November 18, 2013 | 3:11 PM

I couldn't sleep last night. I got to worrying about why ravel and unravel mean the same thing. What's that all about? And why cleave is its own opposite. About three in the morning it hit me that if a semi-truck has 18 wheels, a whole truck must have 36....

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Lessons Learned From Brad Pitt's Fan Mail

(2) Comments | Posted November 11, 2013 | 10:36 AM

Ten winters ago, toward the end of my Hollywood period, Carol, Leila, and I house-sat for the woman who directed Skipped Parts: the movie. She and her husband had this monster truck of a house that the Welch family of Welches Grape Juice and Jelly built under the Griffith Observatory...

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Spare any Change for a Double Ristretto Macchiato?

(4) Comments | Posted November 4, 2013 | 12:44 PM

For much of my youth, I lived outdoors six to nine months of the year. I figured that's the price you pay for chasing your own dream instead of someone else's. Lord knows, I'd rather write than pee indoors. Nowadays, it's called being homeless but back then it was living...

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How to Write a (Literary) Sex Scene

(3) Comments | Posted October 28, 2013 | 2:09 PM

Let's talk language. Pudenda is a word meaning "the external sexual organs of a human being, especially those of a woman." It comes from the Greek word pudendum, which means "something to be ashamed of." Consider the implications of that. It will give you meaningful insights into civilization.

I've taken...

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Why I Left Hollywood (Part 1)

(0) Comments | Posted October 22, 2013 | 10:39 AM

I wrote five novels about my problems and then I ran out of problems. The fact that I strip-mined myself for five fairly good books shows just how deeply screwed up I was. I have always thought a novelist with nothing to say should shut up, so I did, waiting...

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Bear Spray and Mosquito Spray Are Not the Same Thing

(3) Comments | Posted October 14, 2013 | 8:43 PM

On our way to Yellowstone the other day, before it closed because of stupidity, we came upon a major bear jam up around Pacific Creek. A couple hundred cars were pulled over and the display of photo equipment was truly impressive. There were lenses the size of bazookas aimed at...

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One Cowboy's Self-Evident Truths

(0) Comments | Posted October 7, 2013 | 11:31 AM

These self-evident truths were written by Rowdy Talbot, who was the narrator of a book I wrote called Rowdy in Paris. The book is about a cowboy -- Rowdy -- who goes to Paris to retrieve his stolen belt buckle and ends up making France safe for Starbucks....
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Avoiding Dating Disasters

(9) Comments | Posted September 30, 2013 | 7:15 AM

Tim's Tips for the Interpersonal Relationship -- learned the hard way

1. If a woman wears camouflage on the first date, avoid a second.

2. Never get involved with a person who insists your relationship should be a secret. This will end badly.

3. Do not date a woman whose...

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Why I Write Books

(0) Comments | Posted September 26, 2013 | 10:09 AM

There are four things I keep nearby at all times, generally in my pocket. 1) A photo of my now six-year-old daughter taken when she was one and in a Chinese orphanage. She's sitting in front of a wall in front of a block building. 2) My Food Stamp card...

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