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How I Abandoned My Goals and Became Happier

Posted: 10/05/2012 4:05 pm

Brace yourself. If you're an A-type personality, what I'm about to share with you might stress you out.

Here is how each of my weekdays unfolds: I sleep in. I feed my cats. I open my email and deal with it. Then, I start on whatever work is next on my to-do list.

Other than keeping a simple flat list of tasks and commitments I've made to my clients, I don't have any big plans, long-term goals, or great desires. I don't even have priorities or an order to my list of tasks. I do whatever is next on the list. Life is simpler that way.

And that -- in this age of extreme productivity -- freaks out many, many people.

Goals Are For Suckers

Of course, I want the same things as everyone -- financial stability, good health, and everlasting love. But I'm amazed at how many books, applications, podcasts, and blogs there are that all say essentially the same thing: You should first map out your entire life then work toward each goal in a series of well-planned steps.

Well, here's the harsh truth for you: Life sucks and Murphy's in charge. Have all the goals you want; they'll always get derailed. Life isn't about avoiding the potholes; life is about dealing with them the best you can.

Instead, I Have Fallbacks

I used to program computer code. In all well-written software, there exists a series of fallbacks. In simplified form, the code looks like this:

IF TASK 1 FAILS, GO TO FALLBACK 1

FALLBACK 1 = CHANGE DIRECTION
IF FALLBACK 1 FAILS, GO TO FALLBACK 2

So instead of goals, I keep a small mental list of computer-code fallbacks -- things I could do if everything falls to pieces. If my speaking career dies out suddenly, what would I do for an income? What jobs would I like to do? Who do I know that could help me get them? I revisit this list in my head every couple of months, then feel completely at ease. I know that if everything goes to hell, I'll be okay. Then, I don't need to worry about marching steadily toward a set list of prioritized tasks -- I just take each day as it comes.

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  • Do it first thing in the morning.

    This process is best undertaken early, after waking. That's because our days are filled with sensory input right up until we fall asleep at night. Unless you're a meditation master, a still mind is much easier to achieve while you're not fully awake.

  • Create a solitary, calm, comfy setting.

    This is a technique you must practice alone. Inviting moments of inspiration requires that you separate from the disruptive energy and influence of other people's thoughts and intentions. Choose a calm place away from as many interrupting sounds as possible. A favourite chair, in a quiet corner, with a blanket to keep you warm works well.

  • Cleanse your energy.

    Rub your hands together vigorously until you feel the heat, then place them on your temples and drag your palms down your cheeks. Shake your hands as if air-drying them, and repeat this two more times. Do the same for your forehead three times, and then cross your arms and brush your hands over the opposite shoulders and upper arms three times.

  • Relax, breathe, and sigh.

    Always sit to prevent falling back asleep. Get relaxed, but with your feet on the floor. With your eyes closed, if helpful, take deep breaths in and exhale with an audible sigh. Repeat this until you feel deeply relaxed, and concentrate on relaxing every part of your body, starting at the top of your head and moving down to your toes. Feel your connection to the earth through the soles of your feet.

  • Distract your left (logical) brain.

    Focus on your normal breathing -- in and out. Try to follow it through the nose, curling into the lungs, and back out. Do this for 10-20 minutes. If extraneous thoughts pop into your head, let them float away. Follow only your breath, not your thoughts. This exercise takes practice, but it should not be difficult to learn. What you're doing is stilling the part of the brain that inhibits creativity and spontaneity.

Some days I work really well and am super-productive (like this week) and other days I can't get started to save my life. On those days, I stop working, make popcorn, curl up with my cats, and watch bad reality TV. And try again tomorrow.

It is incredibly freeing and I've never been happier.

Negative is the New Positive

People have told me that focusing on "negative" fallbacks (how to respond when something bad happens) will bring negative energy into my life. Nonsense. There is no such thing as positive or negative energy (or homeopathy, for that matter, but that's another blog post).

There is only life. Life is nothing but falling and getting up. Each fallback is a chance for me to get back up -- and each time I do that I get stronger.

So one day -- just one day this month -- drop your to-do list and follow your curiosity. Surf link to link to sites you find interesting. Play. Dream.

The work will still be there when you get back. And so will you -- even stronger than you were before.

Tod Maffin is president of engageQ digital, a digital marketing agency in Toronto and Vancouver.

 

Follow Tod Maffin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/todmaffin

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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
01:15 PM on 10/08/2012
"The work will still be there." Until it's no longer there because your business dried up.
redonthehead
The mud, the blood and the beer
09:05 AM on 10/08/2012
Not surprising to see a post like this on HP. To paraphrase, I do as little as possible to get by. I have no aspirations to improve either myself or my situation.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
JustinP213
I dislike all political parties.
07:00 PM on 10/07/2012
Awesome
09:54 AM on 10/07/2012
I couldn't help thinking how obvious it is that this was written by a man with no children to love, dream with and about, and plan for. Children, radically and beautifully, change your perspective on the future. How sad!
11:30 AM on 10/08/2012
ya but kids are smelly dirty and they just f#$% your s@#$ up and they grow up to be juvenile delinquents and your stuck kicking in bail money
08:43 AM on 10/07/2012
Some people feel they need to be responsible for, well, everything. Some make sure no T gets crossed and no i gets dotted without their personal oversight, supervision, care and concern. Some even go so far as to be insured against, avoid and fight the purely random to their last effort.
Others have found this, why be responsible for something if you don't have to be? No one likes a shirker, but being a control freak makes no one happy either, not even you.
ubrew12
that crazy uncle from Amarcord
06:52 AM on 10/07/2012
"Life is nothing but falling and getting up." Love that statement. Puts 'success' in a different light.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Richard Bartholomew
My micro-bio isn't empty.
05:57 AM on 10/07/2012
'IF TASK 1 FAILS, GO TO FALLBACK 1
FALLBACK 1 = CHANGE DIRECTION
IF FALLBACK 1 FAILS, GO TO FALLBACK 2'

Please don't resort to 'go to' statements. Any decent modern
programming language will enable you to avoid them, for
instance like this:

IF TASK 1 FAILS
{
FALLBACK1 = CHANGE DIRECTION

IF FALLBACK1 FAILS
{
FALLBACK 2 = CHANGE DIRECTION

IF FALLBACK2 FAILS
{
PRINT "You're screwed."
}

}

}
03:16 AM on 10/07/2012
I'm easy to please; I liked every Bond film. Nevertheless no Bond has ever touched Sean Connery.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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Douglas Sinclair
sufferin' succotash!
11:43 PM on 10/06/2012
"Idleness is the devil's workshop." :)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
iwannabeanexpat
i love to dance, anytime, anywhere
11:30 PM on 10/06/2012
Positive and negative energies do exist.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nic the wonder puppy
When life throws lemons, throw them back
10:47 PM on 10/06/2012
Tod, you have one thing missing in your life, A dog
01:33 PM on 10/07/2012
Heheheh -- two lovable cats, but yes, a dog would be nice too. :-)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Nic the wonder puppy
When life throws lemons, throw them back
03:49 PM on 10/07/2012
Ruff
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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Pauline Seville
It's never too late to be what you might have been
01:42 AM on 10/08/2012
Nic...

p.s. to my earlier comment. Forgive my bad manners...thanks for the sweet comment.

P:)
08:45 PM on 10/06/2012
Ahead of your time--surprised you haven't been strung up for heresy.
07:41 PM on 10/06/2012
This guy is like some others who manage to live free after they have it made...somehow with the help of others probably incuding parents he was able to compile the skills, knowledge, and attitude necessary to organize and run his business...if he were abandoned and homeless I wonder if he could write or live as he described...somebody said if you have no goal any road will take you there...but John Lennon said life is what happens while you are making other plans...so there is some of both to life and each one leans one way or the other....are these necessary opposites or what?....it must all be God's will or it would be different...generator, operator, destroyer...get it?...google Theofatalism for details and feel good inside no matter what happens outside...
07:41 PM on 10/06/2012
"Life sucks," eh? Remind me to never take your advice.

There is a middle ground between making lifetime goals and just winging it -- that is making continuous short time goals with 3- to 6-month time frames.
07:38 PM on 10/06/2012
After about the first five sentences, I could only think this must be a man with no children to care actively for!
01:34 PM on 10/07/2012
It's true — I have no kids, and I completely agree that with children, I'd probably need to adjust this plan.