I want perky boobs.
Boobs that I can run down the street in a white tank top, no bra, and they would stay in place. Nipples always erect like Farrah Fawcett -- before she died. I think I should be the first black Charlie's Angel.
I also want a flat stomach so I can ditch my Spanx, throw out my 10 million armor body girdles and Body Magic gear and just walk around naked with my abs of steel and perky boobs. And NO back fat please! I think back fat definitely spoils my sexy white tank top look.
And to match my sexy white tank top I want to wear white short shorts that barely cover my ass. Oh, but I forgot to mention I also want an ass, an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of. A Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian ass please! An ass that when I turned any street corner, it would be the last part of me your eyes would see!
The truth is I don't like my body. Not a big fan of her at all. I wouldn't willingly sign up for "this," or order this body. I would demand a refund! As a self-proclaimed feminist I struggle with this. Miss "feminist," burn your bra, loving all womyn and all of our sizes. Miss trey anthony, writer of 'da Kink... the play that preaches self- acceptance and has womyn singing "I'm just loving me!" doesn't like her body?
And I've really tried to practice what I preach to other womyn, about being okay with yourself. Loving yourself at whatever size you are, embracing all of you. And I truly believe all of that, I really do. I just wish I could believe it for myself! My non-belief has made me do some really mean and unhealthy things to myself in order to achieve the "perfect" body. I don't think that there's a diet that I haven't tried -- the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny's, Weight Watchers, Bernstein's, two-shakes-a-day or-was-it-three diet
At my heaviest of nearly 235 lbs and a size 18, I took the drastic step of having lap band surgery. I lost over 100 lbs. Before the surgery I thought, 'Once I get down to a size 14, I'll be happy'... then, it was a size 10... then a size eight...and now I'm a size seven.
On a good day (whatever that means), I'm a size six striving for a size five, yet the same issues that I had with my body at size 18 still remain. I think now I'm even more critical. So, I'm trying a new approach, I think I've had a mini breakthrough...
I'm working on getting my body stronger, not smaller. I want to be able to run at a 6.0 on the treadmill for 30 minutes and not feel like I'm going into cardiac arrest. I want to be able to do the downward dog and actually be able to get back up! I want to do 50 pushups, in less than 40 seconds! I want to effortlessly lift 15-pound weights and not cry out for my mother! I want strong toned arms. I want my body to be healthy and strong!
I'm also listening to how I speak to my body. Putting that little/BIG "voice" in my head on censorship. I've told that voice that she can no longer call me fat, or compare me to other "perfect" womyn.
In my hot yoga class, I no longer listen to that voice which yells that everyone else seems to be able to bend their body into a pretzel with very little effort. I don't hear that voice laughing that everyone is looking at my fat -- flat ass trying to curve into the cobra position. I shut the little anorexic voice down! Throw her a damn sandwich! Tell her to shut the f*&^ up!
Instead, as I do my yoga poses I affirm, "trey, your body is strong... today trey, you're doing your best". And I definitely don't focus on the size-zero girl beside me, who happens to be an actress..."Oh sorry, I mistook you for a stripper! In your sexy white tank top, white short shorts, and perky DDD boobs" with erect nipples, of course!
Okay, I focus on her a little, but eventually I shift my focus back to the fact that every day I'm doing just a little bit better than I did yesterday... and maybe I'm no Halle Berry, but this trey chick... I kinda dig her!
trey anthony is an actor/comedian and the acclaimed writer of "'da Kink" TV show and theatrical play. She is also an established motivational speaker. She is currently writing a best selling novel. For more info check out www.treyanthonystudios.com.