As I limped "blue balled" to read a book in bed I said to my husband in frustration, "You know if you were fixed, we could be having sex right now."
Equally as frustrated he replied, "What's wrong with using a condom!?"
"I'm ovulating today" I warily replied, "and I don't want to take any chances. The condom could break."
It all started a few minutes earlier when my husband nuzzled my neck and I got a warm tingly sensation. I'd been thinking about sex all that long, long day. As Murphy's Law would have it, it was one of those oh-so-rare spontaneous sex moments where we were both in the sex zone.
I was willing, ready and eager to pounce. Images of clothes being flung off, wild sex occurring filled my day-dreaming head -- it had been so long since both of us had been in the zone I was practically drooling.
But alas, as you've already read, I was ovulating and any sex drive was completely zapped thinking about accidentally conceiving.
In my mind, the answer to our spontaneous sex woes is simple: a vasectomy. Such a minor thing to have in order for us to have a happy and healthy sex life. Or at least for me it is such a simple and minor thing.
Problem is, it's been a year that my husband has been dodging the "you need to get a vasectomy" bullet. He's given some valid and some pretty lame excuses as to why he can't have one.
I've patiently listened to them all trying to be empathetic. Because I do appreciate men get all weirded out when it comes to messing with their "boys." It's the main reason why I've been patiently persistent using condoms.
Hoping too many moments of, "Oh we're in the shower and you want sex. OK. BUT you need to get a condom. Off you go." would wear him down. Nope.
Apparently he's happy to use condoms for the next 50 years of our marriage. I'm growing tired of them and, like this spontaneous horny day, it's getting in the way of my sexual happiness.
So I've booked the appointment. All the while listening to him gripe, stomp all over the house and have a man-temper-tantrum. Which leads me to my point: Why is birth control up to me and why do I have to be the nagging wife to get this done? It just doesn't seem fair.
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Birth Control Meets 'The Game Of Life'
"You never know what you may want later." This ad successfully plays to our fantasies of being able to choose what we do and don't want in our lives exactly when we want it. If you've never quite abandoned the illusion that your future could be charted through the decision between a split-level and a tudor, this is the Pill for you.
'Hey, Logical.' 'Hey, Emotional.'
Yes, women have mood swings, but this suggests that we are effectively Jekyll and Hydes every 28 days. Isn't part of selling a product <em>flattering</em> your customer?
NuvaRing Lets You Quit Synchronized Swimming Class
According to this ad, using the insertable NuvaRing will allow you to "let your hair down" and cut synchronized swimming class. 'Break free, women oppressed by The Pill!' these women seem to say as they strip into two-piece suits and smile knowingly at one another. (And that wink in the hot tub? We aren't even going to guess what that's about.)
'We're Not Gonna Take It'
This <a href="http://www.mmm-online.com/bayer-runs-corrective-yaz-ad-agrees-to-preclearance/article/127205/" target="_hplink">ad was actually pulled by the FDA</a>. Apparently "We're Not Gonna Take It" wasn't the best song to promote a pill that needs to be taken daily to be effective.
Regular Periods Make Us Frolic
Women in tutus frolic in a forest and crashing waves, joyous that their periods are regularized by Ortho Tri-Cyclen LO. Because doesn't having your period arrive on time make you want to don a ring of pink tulle?
Wait, What Just Happened?
Spy ring? Spandex commercial? Unclear.
Birth Control Ad As Mini RomCom
Sound familiar? A series of Mr. Wrongs is finally followed by a very sweet, classically good-looking Mr. Right. The ad closes chastely with Mr. Right kissing her goodnight and leaving her at her door (because suggesting actual sex in a birth control ad would just be so tawdry, right?), but now she has opt-ions ..
'When Your Family Is Complete'
Brilliant or despicable? This ad targets the stressed-to-the-limit mom by threatening her with the prospect of yet another child to chase around a soccer field.
The Primary Use For Birth Control Is Mood Control?
This ad, the second in our slideshow for Yaz, shows women having "girl talk" about The Pill at a nightclub -- and focusing on how it improves their moods. They never quite mention it's primary purpose: preventing pregnancy.
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Women's bodies are women's bodies. They do what they were designed to do, and pressuring the men through sex, by withholding or dictating the terms of any intercourse, is going to cramp the relationship unless you both work out what you want in terms of kids and safety first so you can avoid issues like this later.
This is a topic you have to speak with to each other very seriously about, and just acknowledge that whims and "in the moment sex" don't get acted on all the time.
I think she's selfish in the demand. If he doesn't want to do this, fine, try asking again another time and that should be good enough for the moment, if not.. move on.
I didn't get my vasectomy only for my wife, I got it as a major gift to *myself* too. Ms Read's husband needs to look at it that way. He also needs to grow up and man up, by the sounds of it.
Granted, there could be many non-legitimate reasons as well, but since we don't hear anything from his side we can only speculate reasons. What we have before us is a story about a wife, bullying her husband into having a medical procedure he doesn't want, using and/or withholding sex to manipulate him, and complaining about how unfair it is all the responsibility is on her when there is zero evidence she is taking any responsibility at all for birth control when we know the husband already is.
So please explain where you get "he needs to grow up and man up" out of this story?
Why then would he marry a woman who plainly doesn't want them? There can't possibly be a good outcome to that impasse can there?
I will say that it was flaky of Ms Read to air her private laundry in this way without including such fundamental information as whether the issue of no-kids was agreed on before the marriage, or indeed whether or not they've already had some kids.
"Man up?" Yeah, you're such a man for choosing to undergo a procedure you wanted. How hard that decision must have been for you.
Well...yeah! Don't two people ensure that such a fundamental alignment of needs is there, fully voiced and agreed upon, before they decide to get married? To do otherwise is plainly ridiculous, no?
Or did that make it into VAWA?
".....would wear him down. Nope.
Apparently he's happy to use condoms for the next 50 years of our marriage. I'm growing tired of them and, like this spontaneous horny day, it's getting in the way of my sexual happiness."
IN NO WAY IS HE FORCING HER ONTO THE PILL OR SURGERY.
This is just a woman who is upset about not getting her own way. Nobody should force someone else to go in for a surgery, for any reason, especially just because they are tired of using a condom.
He's already wearing them.
Having kids is not something i ever want.
Puhleeze, vasectomy is reversible. It is not as invasive as the female tubes operation and if you want to talk about side effects than things like pill have pretty bad ones too.
Nobody should be forced into operation, but the thing is that men never feel like it is their responsibility too. I recently talked to a friend of mine. he said he wants rights to get out of parenthood as well since women have the right to abort. I asked him if he would do any male birth control since he never wants kids. vasectomy, the shot, the new male pill that is supposed to be developed soon. He was like, "oh no, this is just wrong! She should do it, let it keep the way it is". With this attitude i hope he gets someone preggers one day and she sucks every cent out of him afterwards. Men are just selfish on this topic. And kind of spoiled.