I did a TV interview in 2009 on the topic of "teen girls are swapping sex for ... just about anything."
The debate was between the author of Oral Sex Is The New Goodnight Kiss, Sharlene Azam, an Edmonton journalist, and me.
The interviewer first asked Azam where she got her research from. Azam replied that it was from her investigative reporting into this event; as well as her observations captured in her documentary film of the same name.
"Hmmmm..." I thought, trying hard not to roll my eyes, "no scientific backing."
How many times have I come across a story or book that can have such a profound impact which is based on nothing but observation? It's a crime this junk stuff ever gets published.
I countered by saying that at least once a year media grabs the next "is the sexual morality of our young women in peril?" headline and runs with it. Not because it's going to educate the masses on responsible teen education, but because these types of headlines sell.
Unfortunately, the end result is another generation of parents becoming unnecessarily paranoid about their children's conduct. This results in yet another young generation of women who suffer the burden of carrying a ton of shame about their sexuality for the rest of their lives.
Will the madness never end? (I never said that on camera but I sure wanted to.)
Not deterred, after more debate Azam went onto say, "Young girls are being molded to be objects as seen in porn."
It was then I wanted to jump through the live-feed-from-Calgary camera and give this woman a good shake. How am I supposed to infuse any logic with nervous parents when people like her keep perpetuating these harmful and absolutely unfounded girls-are-either-Madonnas-or-whores dogma?
Of course, a parent is terrified that their daughter can so easily fall prey to being objectified as a porn object. Especially considering the overt sexuality of Britney Spears and the Pussy Cat Dolls, porn objects seem to be everywhere.
This is where the overall "the sexual morality of our young women" debate turns into a logic versus emotion battle -- and emotion will win every time.
Here's the deal on protecting your young woman's morality: It's been scientifically proven over and over that a child who receives a comprehensive sex education will make the best choices sexually because they have a high sexual self-esteem. It is not up to the high schools to teach sex ed, rather the parents to give this comprehensive sex education.
Click here to access a education, sex-positive website: Go Ask Alice.
And please, when you hear the next 'our girl's morality is in peril' news story, appreciate the stories as sensation and often unfounded. More importantly, they are doing more harm then good.
Follow Trina Read on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@DrTrinaRead
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Here in Canada I met a student - a beautiful, talented young woman, not even 20 - who confided that she had "turned a trick or two" to make ends meet in the past. Turned out she still was doing it, dangerously, through Craigslist. An ex-girlfriend of mine spent some time working as a stripper, which seems increasingly common and increasingly acceptable in society with the advent of things like pole-dancing fitness classes.
Sex does seem to be being treated more and more casually by an increasing number of young women, helped by a tidal wave of sexual imagery - everywhere, all the time - and the universal availability of internet porn.
Some of this ... frankly, I don't even know if it's right or wrong. I take a liberal view of sex and individual choices about what to do with your body. But I do know that adolescent girls need to be forewarned and forearmed, because some of them are having decisions about sex foisted on them before they're ready to face them, and the potential consequences.
I've no doubt there's an element of sensationalism and scaremongering in Azam's work: she's trying to grab attention to sell her book. But I don't think that's sufficient reason to dismiss her theories out of hand.
We humans are animals, we enjoy sex, and women should get to enjoy sex too. A big difference between the modern world and the "traditional world" is that in the modern world women can have sex for the fun of it without fear of pregnancy or social stigma. That's a lot better than America in the 1950s, or in parts of the world where women's sexuality is feared and despised. The author is 100% correct that every year we see articles that are pushing a hysterical fear over young women's sexuality.
I came of age post-sexual revolution, pre-AIDS, and the young women of that era had a great time enjoying sex - nothing has really changed between that late 1970's world and the modern world other than cell phones and the Internet. But back in the 1970s, we could still sneak into porn theaters, we could take nude photos with an "instamatic camera". The behavior hasn't changed, it's just more exposed and hyped because of a 24 hour news cycle constantly looking for something to sensationalize, and what draws more clicks than a story about "Naughty sexualized young teens"?
As for the declining morality of the new generation, that's an old, old theme.
Conservative fundamentalists have one more thing in common - their hatred that any woman can voluntarily have sex, without punishment, and enjoy it. They are terrified of women's sexuality, because they want it, can't have it, and don't understand it.
I started young and so did most of the people I know. (Having sex.)
Oh, "they" tried to stop us.
The church, our parents, shame and guilt....but we did it anyway.
I have four kids....all adults now. (2 sons and 2 daughters)
I told them to "be good" and if they couldn't be good, be careful.
I did say it was better to wait.....but if they indulged be CAREFUL about disease and pregnancy.
I also told them to be careful with their partner's feelings.
Things haven't always gone smoothly, but each daughter has ONE kid each and they are 40 and 38 years old. My sons don't have kids.
The point being?
If you can NOT be good.....be careful (of pregnancy and disease).
Abstinence does not work (at least not often) but responsible sex can and does.
THREE Palins have had out of wedlock pregnancies....Sarah and Track who married.....and Bristol who is an unwed mother.
*****Just a reminder how well abstinence works.
What can you do? Kids are born the way they are, and a girly-girl wants to be girly.
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You assume parents are paying attention to and then taken in by certain stories. And then effects of parents' behavior generates shame. You got scientific evidence for that?
It would be nice if the world allowed kids to be kids and not have to worry about these kinds of things.
Lets just see what happens when you have to be an aware parent and turn off the tv and talk to your kids and model good behavior .