"Given the chance to actually compete, I would crush them." Except, Arlie, your "epic" gameplay claims are full of hot air -- much like Neda's nearly-deflated balloon she created in your image.
Wait, what? I know, you expected me to say 'Devious Maids' gets dirty in Season 2, what with all the mopping up the titular characters have to do. But if you thought Season 1 of 'Devious Maids' was funny, the laughs in the Season 2 premiere alone will have you wanting more.
Because Scandal is so much like real life, there are some very important life lessons to take away from it each week, because after all, which one of us can't say we haven't been a part of an international cover-up that seemingly resolves itself in 44 minutes or less? No one, my point exactly.
'The Haves And The Have Nots' is my latest guilty pleasure. It has all the elements of a daytime drama packed into an hour of nighttime goodness.
Don is the ultimate bad boy: slick, sophisticated, rich and fun. He's also a terrible husband who is only totally committed to himself. There are lots of men out there in real life just like Jon Hamm's character. Let's face it; If you're like most women, you probably love the infamous bad boy.
Mellie may not be a "good" person, but she's a fascinating, hooch and whiskey-guzzling, political badass. The beauty of watching a TV antihero is that while you may not like the fictional first lady, you've probably found yourself cheering her on.
Double your eviction, double your fun! Well, that's the case for the six-pack 'Sloppy Seconds' alliance spearheaded by Neda and Jon, who get exactly what they want.
CNN took off with the Malaysian airliner's disappearance and hasn't landed since. And it has been widely ridiculed for it. But before you laugh, it's worth considering if CNN is onto something here. At least commercially.
Working the Engels started out tepid, but is improving week-by-week. With the most recent episode (the one about the sister dealing with her divorce) I found myself chuckling pretty consistently. I'd argue the secret weapon in their comedy quiver might be Less Than Kind's Benjamin Arthur who injects a sympathetic innocence into the brother.
Remember flailing your arms around and howling is despair when that cold bastard Roose Bolton plunged his blade into poor old Robb Stark's chest? Remember your heart dropping when his wife and unborn child were slaughtered before his eyes? Season three of Game of Thrones was pretty gross, pretty traumatic and a lot devastating. It was also incredible television. And now the show's back for more.
When you eat as many burgers as I do, you become thankful for the creativity and ingenuity of chefs across Canada. Canadian restaurants are busy flipping the classic burger on its head. From coast to coast to coast, they take the art of burger making to the next level. As the host of You Gotta Eat Here!, my taste buds are consistently spoiled.
A few reactions to Letterman's retirement announcement bring up the idea that he may be stepping down because he never "got" the viral video phenomenon that Fallon and Kimmel have so clearly mastered. I say, nuts to that. Letterman invented viral videos -- we just called them "watercooler moments," and they were spread with your lips, not your fingertips.
The First Five's "reign" of terror on 'Big Brother Canada' is finally over, thanks to Canada's nominations. It's hard to top last week's paper shredder eviction episode masterpiece, but drama and endless histrionics make for another solid bow.
Cristina has to stow away for her trial patients to do a heart transplant on a girl, so Shane is tasked with keeping the kids safe from the outbreak. Bad news? The girls sister has heart disease, too, so now the family is just stuck at the hospital, with Yang and Owen trying to crack the case.
I took some punches from Mark Cuban on the set of Shark Tank while pitching an app, but it's turned out to be a very positive experience. Here are a few lessons learned from the whole experience.
No matter how adorable the new handler is, 'dignity for all' is starting to get very blurry. If it turns out that Granny's man was the one who's out to get them -- was that goodbye for good?