Vicki Murphy
Vicki Murphy is a mom, writer and hot mess in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador. She spends her free time fumbling through motherhood and living to tell the tale (barely) at Vicki's first book, MotherFumbler, published by Breakwater Books, is now available.

Entries by Vicki Murphy

What I Hear When You Call My Unborn Daughter a "Drama Queen"

(54) Comments | Posted December 10, 2014 | 11:36 AM

"Good luck with the little drama queen," they say when they find out I'm expecting a girl.

It seems we gals have a rep right out of the womb -- as dramatic, irrational whack-jobs. I hear it all around me, from both men and women. I've even said it...

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What I Really Want To Tell You About Pregnancy

(12) Comments | Posted September 16, 2014 | 8:47 AM

One of the most common questions I hear as a prego is, "How are you feeling?" I genuinely appreciate every person who asks, (it's certainly better than hearing "Girl, you chunky"), but I lie to virtually every one of them. Not because I don't want to be honest, but because...

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Get Your Nose Out Of My Uterus: 10 Reasons Why You Should Never Ask A Woman If She's Pregnant

(12) Comments | Posted June 5, 2014 | 1:00 PM

1. Because we might not be pregnant. And then we'll think you're calling us fat. As much as we treasure new reasons to question our appearance, maybe you should refrain from asking the question until there's a giant baby head dangling from our crotch.

2. Because we might be pregnant....

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Teaching My Son Not to Say "Girly"

(7) Comments | Posted February 5, 2014 | 11:57 AM

Reporting on the Golden Globes last month, NY film critic Kyle Smith said they should have called the whole thing "Girls." There was just "too much estrogen," he said. I mean, imagine: a major awards show, televised around the world, hosted by two...oh my dear god...WOMEN. EW! And who did...

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Last-Minute Shopping Tips for Clueless Husbands

(0) Comments | Posted December 23, 2013 | 11:04 AM

Tick tock, hubbies of the world.

48 hours remain before Christmas Day. When ye men finally take your hands out of your sweatpants and think, "Hmmm. Guess I should get out and do some shopping." Gee, ya think? And for whom could you be doing this last-minute shopping? Let...

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Why I Hate the '80s Ninja Turtles

(7) Comments | Posted December 2, 2013 | 7:11 AM

Max has gone completely wookiee for Stars Wars. I'm glad, because it means I get to rock side-buns like Princess Leia and say things like "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" and "Luke, I wonder who your real father is," to amuse him.

And because it means he's...

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Trying to Teach My Little Boy About War and Remembrance

(1) Comments | Posted November 11, 2013 | 11:18 AM

Remember...I said trying.

This morning was an extension of our usual (and yes, also pathetic) weekend routine: Max playing a game on the X-Box, me beside him reading, pretending to be impressed when he says things like, "Mom, I attacked the Death Star!" and "Mom, I killed all the bad...

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The Writer's Writing Place

(0) Comments | Posted October 30, 2013 | 11:11 AM

Apparently most writers have a special place to, you know, write. George Bernard Shaw had a hut that he could rotate so he was always in the sun. Roald Dahl spun his dark humour from an elaborate garden shed. Vita Sackville-West (gal pal of Virginia Woolf) had a pimped-out writing...

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Why Writing a Book Is Harder Than Giving Birth

(11) Comments | Posted July 8, 2013 | 5:25 PM

Just in case you missed the first trillion times I mentioned it: giving birth was really hard.

Now I am about to give birth again. This time, to a book.

In some ways, giving birth to a book is harder than giving birth to a baby. Now before...

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Let's Be Honest, Breastfeeding Is NOT Magical

(67) Comments | Posted June 11, 2013 | 7:50 AM

Breast is best. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. We believe you. But please don't call breastfeeding "magical," and please stop smiling like that.

A mother's milk may very well be the "perfect food" but the process sure ain't perfect so let's not pretend it is. Is it nice...

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You Are Four Years Old Today

(0) Comments | Posted April 30, 2013 | 11:46 AM


Max James Murphy, you sneaky rascal. How are you growing up so darn fast? You are four years old today. I am in awe.

When people asked how old you were today, you said: "I'm four. And then five and then six...

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Trying to Balance Parenthood, My Work and My Passion

(0) Comments | Posted April 28, 2013 | 6:26 PM

Oh look, a couple hours of spare time to blog. It was hiding behind the creative brief I brought home from the office, which was behind the dog's dandruff shampoo, which was behind the heap of dirty laundry, which was behind an enormous sign that says YOU'RE F**KED.

As a...

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Why I Tell My Son About a Religion I Don't Believe In

(40) Comments | Posted April 2, 2013 | 11:38 AM

We are of that new order of families whose Sunday routine consists of lazing around in our jammies, eating cereal, and watching movies about space travel. "Church" is just a picture in Max's Little People book.

Yesterday morning (Easter Sunday), while we were visiting my mom at the ol' homestead...

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My Brave Little Toddler Does Disney

(0) Comments | Posted March 18, 2013 | 8:24 AM

Shoes. You gotta wear 'em to know 'em. Sure, they're comfortable when you're strutting up and down the hallway of your bungalow with your pajama pants pulled up to the knees. Try wearing those pleather suckers on George Street for six hours and see how you feel. You be hobblin'...

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I've Fallen In Love...With My Kid?

(8) Comments | Posted January 23, 2013 | 4:19 PM

Valentine's Day is nigh. And I gotta warn my husband: he's got some competition -- he sleeps in the next room.

I usually like 'em tall, but this guy stands at just three and a half feet. He loves trains, Legos, chocolate milk, and farting in the bathtub.

They say...

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New Year, Same Hot-Mess Mommy

(0) Comments | Posted January 3, 2013 | 11:49 AM

2013 -- sounds so space age. But where's my hoverboard, McFly? Why is Earth the only planet I've been to? (I so want to see Uranus.) Where's the cure for cancer already? And why am I still wiping my own ass? Like, GAWD, it's 2013.

Technology has spoiled me rotten....

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The One Thing I Need to Be Truly Happy

(2) Comments | Posted December 15, 2012 | 7:50 AM

The other day, over a lunch-time pint, someone asked me to name the number-one thing I absolutely need to be happy.

Now that's a heavy question, but a welcome change from the usual mind-numbing converse of hair and clothes and weight gain and weight loss and money and Christmas shopping...

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Cheap Toys For Toddlers Who Don't Know the Difference

(6) Comments | Posted November 27, 2012 | 2:00 PM

Christmas. The birth of Jesus. And the crucifixion of your credit card.

In spite of these uncertain economic times, we're spending more than ever on crap for our little crappers. But why? Forget our desperate need for "stuff" and thoughtless overspending, our kids have NO TASTE. In fact, most tots...

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One Thing my Husband Never Asks me to Say: Cheese

(1) Comments | Posted July 13, 2012 | 12:55 PM

I'm a mommy blogger. Naturally, my main subject is my main man, Max Murphy.

But marriage is so intimately tied to motherhood -- you know, if you manage to survive the turbulent toddler years without killing each other -- that my husband often creeps up in my writing. Not unlike...

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My Most Sportsmanlike Toddler. NOT.

(1) Comments | Posted April 23, 2012 | 12:39 PM

Max hates potatoes.

He hates 'em baked.

He hates 'em mashed.

He hates 'em french-fried.

Okay that last one's a lie. Damn you, Ronald McDonald.

But the rest is true. He hates virtually all forms of potato. He won't even play with Mr. Potato Head.

But when...

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