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Kevin O'Leary Wants To Be Canada's American Prime Minister

03/06/2017 03:04 EST | Updated 03/06/2017 03:07 EST

Spring 2009: the tulips were blooming, the birds were chirping, and Ottawa was buzzing about the prospects of Prime Minister Michael Ignatieff.

The polls looked good. The pundits were saying nice things. Stephen Harper's regime was slipping.

Liberals were accordingly feeling optimistic, so they threw a little party. Staff moved the long tables out of the boardroom in Centre Block's Room 409-S, and caucus and staff were invited to pop by for a drink. A smiling Ignatieff worked the room, clapping Liberal MPs on the back and listening attentively to Liberal staffers.

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Centre block of the Houses of Parliament. (Photo: Rick Gerharter via Getty Images)

He approached Yours Truly, positioned by one of the windows overlooking Centre Block's lawn. "You look unhappy!" Ignatieff said.

"Happiness is a trick," I said to the Liberal leader, which made him laugh. I paused. "The Tories have been too quiet about you. I don't like it."

"Stop worrying so much," Ignatieff said, smiling, and then moved away to chat with others.

It was his party, in more ways than one, so I didn't try to spoil it on that sunny day. I was a bit of an outsider, a hired gun, so I didn't then tell Ignatieff what I had been told by Conservative friends earlier: that they were getting ready to spend millions on an ad buy to define Ignatieff before he could define himself. They were going to say he was an interloper, a foreigner. They were going to say -- over and over, everywhere -- that he was "just visiting."

When I briefed Ignatieff later on -- with his worried Chief of Staff, Ian Davey, listening in -- he was dismissive. "A million Canadians live and work outside of Canada," he said, irritated.

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Former Liberal Party leader Michael Ignatieff looks on during a news conference where he announced his resignation as Liberal leader on May 3, 2011. Ignatieff left politics after losing his seat in that year's federal election. (Photo: Mike Cassese/Reuters)

"None of them are running to be prime minister," I said, as Davey nodded. "Lots of people think that anyone who wants to run a country should live in that country, you know."

Ignatieff didn't buy it. It won't work, he said.

It did.

The Conservatives' anti-Ignatieff "Just Visiting" campaign was arguably the most effective political ad campaign in modern Canadian history. I can't think of another that has worked nearly as well. "Just Visiting" indelibly branded the acclaimed Harvard intellectual as an effete, out-of-touch tourist to Canada. It destroyed him and the once-great Liberal Party of Canada, reducing it to third place, a rump in the House of Commons.

You know where this is going, perhaps. It is astonishing -- it is beyond belief -- that the once-great Conservative Party of Canada is now embracing Kevin O'Leary, another Boston resident. Another interloper. Another guy "just visiting."


The evidence that Kevin O'Leary is just visiting Canada, you see, is indisputable.

Forget about the fact that Kevin O'Leary -- like that other reality TV star, Donald Trump -- isn't really a conservative, and is all over the map ideologically. Forget about the fact that -- like Trump -- O'Leary is a vulgarian and a creep, grabbing women, mocking women, dismissing women.

Forget about the fact that he is -- as the National Post's Andrew Coyne called him -- "a clown," a caricature who has never held political office, and who doesn't have a single coherent policy. Forget about the fact that he doesn't speak a word of French. Forget about all that.

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Conservative party leadership candidate and TV personality Kevin O'Leary at the New York Stock Exchange on July 27, 2016 in New York City. (Photo: Matthew Eisman/Getty Images)

Kevin O'Leary is the Conservative Michael Ignatieff. If mass delusional psychosis continues to beset paid-up Conservative members, and if they actually select Kevin O'Leary to lead them, the attack ads practically write themselves. Just PhotoShop O'Leary's shining pate over Ignatieff's face and run those Conservative Party ads all over again. They'll work.

Kevin O'Leary, like Michael Ignatieff, is just visiting Canada. As leader, Kevin O'Leary will lead the Conservatives to their greatest defeat since 1993 -- ironically, the very year he commenced his move to Boston, Mass.

Oh, and Team O'Leary? Michael Ignatieff at least had the intelligence to move back to Canada before offering himself as its leader.

Still didn't work.

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