08/23/2013 10:02 EDT | Updated 08/23/2013 11:48 EDT

Christopher Perkins, Archery Champion, Kills Bears, Deer, Turkeys, What-Have-You

If you could wield a high-powered bow like Christopher Perkins, wouldn't you want to impale as many animals as you could?

Well, maybe not.

It's just that columnist Joe O'Connor makes it sound so damned satisfying, as he fawns all over the young buck (killer) in his latest column.

Perkins, in case you haven't heard of him, is the defending 2013 Canadian Archery Champion.

As reported in, errr, Ammoland, Perkins shot 'an astonishing 37 X’s en route to his final score of 715 in less than favorable conditions, of heavy rain and wind.'

He, apparently, hones his craft on trespassing animals at the family farm in Athens, Ontario.

Here's how O'Connor frames the 21-year-old archer's off-competition exploits:

'Cute as the deer may be, what they effectively are is dead — D-E-A-D, as in, dead deer walking — should they wander into the hunting sights of Mr. Perkins and his compound hunting bow. Wild turkeys are likewise toast. Even black bear would be advised to take heed, when the resident archer is in the neighbourhood.'

christopher perkins archery bear

Recounting Perkins' high-powered carnage with gleeful abandon, O'Connor also notes the archer is 'a proud Canadian with an icy calm nerve and a gentle nature.'

For his part, Perkins wouldn't mind taking his bow a little farther afield, telling O'Connor that Arizona sounds nice.

“They have mule deer, coues deer and javelina — which are like black and white pigs. They are pretty cool to hunt.”

And if you shoot them, apparently, they too, will bleed.

Good times, indeed.

Also on HuffPost

Photos Of Bears