04/11/2014 01:42 EDT | Updated 04/11/2014 02:59 EDT

10 Things You Should Never Do At Roadblocks

If you really want to know how to act at a police roadblock, it's best to go straight to the police manning them.

A Victoria police constable has some great tips based on his experience, including don't drive up to a roadblock with a crackpipe and lighter in your hand, and crack and heroin in your pocket.

Const. Graeme Leblanc posted his top 10 things you shouldn't do at roadblocks on the police force's blog on Thursday.

The craziest part? Leblanc actually witnessed each of these examples:

10 Things You Should Never Do At Roadblocks

1. Drive up with a crack pipe in one hand and a lighter in the other, while you have crack and heroin in your pocket.

2. U-turn prior to a roadblock and flee from police, get caught and end up providing breath samples of 0.26 and 0.27, that’s over three times the legal limit.

3. Pretend you can’t see the officer or the roadblock and drive through without stopping, then flee from police. Get caught and end up providing breath samples of .08 and .07.

4. Have a beer in your hand as you’re driving up to the roadblock. When confronted by the officer, put the beer in the centre console and deny any knowledge.

5. As you are driving up to a police roadblock, forget to stop, smash into the vehicle in front of you at 50 km/h, pushing that car into a third vehicle. This all happens because you are so hammered you have trouble walking. Police have to physically remove you from the vehicle and place you into the police car. Pretend you can’t speak English. Refuse to provide a breath sample, blah, blah, blah.

6. As you approach the roadblock, use your truck to do the Dukes of Hazzard over the centre median. Dump your vehicle and flee from police. Do all of this because you are impaired and breaching your bail conditions.

7. Drive up to a police roadblock when you are a prohibited driver from a previous impaired driving charge. Unfortunately, the same officer that dealt with you for the first impaired is the one to speak to you at the roadblock and recognizes you as a prohibited driver. Watch as your wife (with a valid licence) and your two kids leave on foot to walk the rest of the way home. Make a sad face to the police officer as your Audi A4 gets impounded for 60 days.

8. Drive up to a police roadblock while the woman in the back seat, who is not your wife, tries desperately to put her pants back on. The car reeks of fresh marijuana. When the officer opens the driver’s door, your baggie of coke can be seen in the door’s map pocket. In addition to the cocaine, you also have 1.5 pounds of marihuana and half a pound of hash in the car too.

9. Drive up and stop short 50 meters short of a police roadblock. Trade places with the driver because he is drunk and doesn’t have a license because of his previous impaired charges. Get arrested for impaired driving yourself. Change your mind and provide a written statement to the police so that you can get your (now) ex-boyfriend charged as well. You blow 0.10, then 0.09 and your ex blows 0.12 and 0.11. Two impaired drivers from one vehicle.

10. As you’re speaking to the officer, she notes a smell of fresh marijuana coming from the vehicle. You’re arrested and when the vehicle is searched, police find a small amount of marijuana and just under $24,000 in cash in a backpack. The money is the profits from selling drugs. All the money is forfeited to Revenue Canada for unpaid back taxes.

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