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05/03/2014 10:01 EDT | Updated 05/03/2014 10:59 EDT

'Orphan Black' Season 2, Episode 3 Recap: Stupid Is As Stupid Does

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*** SPOILER ALERT: Please do not read on unless you've seen "Orphan Black" Season 2, Episode 3, titled "Mingling Its Own Nature With It." (Unless you like spoilers, then go right ahead.) ***

For the first time ever in my "Orphan Black" viewing history, I'm having problems with Sarah. I understand that she's supposed to be this wayward soul, exposed to incredible hardships and trauma, and yes, she just found out she's one of many clones. But she has a child (and by all means she shouldn't have a child -- she's a genetic clone) who is very much in danger because she's Sarah's child. While I agree with Sarah taking Kira away from Mrs. S. (still don't know what happened there), I found Sarah's behaviour in this episode to be incredibly selfish and at times downright stupid. We'll get to that.

"Orphan Black" definitely gets points for realism -- the first thing we see is Sarah peeing in the tall grass. How many times can you say you've seen a major TV character pee? Not very often. And then Felix steps in cow shit. Numbers one and two. Bravo. Together, Sarah, Felix, and Kira steal food rather cleverly from a local convenience store. (Semi-interesting sidenote: the guy playing the storekeeper used to play a toothbrush on TV commercials.) The Cylon Daniel is on the hunt for the trio, and tracks them to the Birdwatchers' farmhouse at the same time as the Prolethians show up, and they promptly set the house on fire. Daniel witnesses it all and finds a picture of Kira in the debris, so he knows he's on the right track. Now two major groups are after Sarah and Kira, and that's not including Mrs. S., wherever she might be.

So what does Sarah decide to do? Take her child to her ex's cabin in the woods, of course! Sure, he's Kira's father (a nice little tidbit), but isn't this the totally wrong time to stop anywhere? Sarah's argument that Kira "needs a real bed to sleep in" is weak. If it were me, I would still be driving, or at the very least stealing a car and heading to Nunavut, Kira in tow. But nope, we're at Cal's cabin, and conveniently he's super-hot, super-smart and proficient with firearms. His backstory is ... nothing short of ridiculous: apparently he's a bee pollinator designer. Actually, he designed the micro-optics, whatever that means. For now, we're not supposed to notice the similarities between bees and clones (hive mentality, shared goals, similar outward appearance), but I guarantee his field of knowledge will come into play here. It's just too random to be arbitrary.

Look, I'm not a parent, so it's easy for me to sit here and make judgement calls, but if your child was in immediate danger, would you ever, ever let her out of your sight? To put it simply, I would not. She would be holding my hand or be within visual range at all times. NO, you may NOT go feed the chickens. Sarah not only lets Kira go out of her sight, she actually sends her away at multiple points in this episode. At another point, Kira's sleeping upstairs while Sarah's having sex with Cal. Hot cabin sex on "Orphan Black" is all well and good (can't say I didn't enjoy it), but again, wrong time, Sarah. And selfish. And stupid. As much as I hate to say it, you deserve getting taken by Daniel. When Felix erupts at her for her behaviour, it's overwhelmingly cathartic. THANK YOU, FELIX. He leaves and heads back to the city, since it's clear that he's not needed at the cabin.

Back in the city, it's almost the big night for Alison -- the night "Blood Ties" premieres. She's pretty much a full-blown alcoholic, downing mini vodkas and whatever else she can find. Along comes Angie (again, just the worst), who tries to infiltrate Alison's life. Angie is literally the most unconvincing anything. Even a drunken suburban housewife can see right through her. When Alison shut her down, I clapped. Of course, the play is a disaster, and Alison falls face-first off the stage about two minutes in. Both Felix and Donnie are in the auditorium, and unfortunately Angie is, too. How long can Alison keep up this very fragile facade? Not much longer, I fear.

Over in the Cosima nerd plotline (which finally picks up the pace after last week's molasses-like movement), Delphine introduces her to Jennifer Fitzsimmons, another clone who died from the same illness plaguing Cosima. In what can only be described as incredibly trippy, Cosima proceeds to watch video diary after video diary about Jennifer's declining health, until Delphine informs her that she's dead. Then things get ridiculously visceral: Cosima and Delphine dissect Jennifer. This scene is disgusting! I'm not squeamish, but blech! They make an interesting discovery in Jennifer's uterus: the tumours seem to originate there, which can explain why most of the clones aren't able to bear children. Gotta admit, the nerd in me was all over this. Thankfully we were spared the atrocious love dialogue this week.

The one clone I haven't talked about yet is Helena, who's being nursed back to health at the Prolethians' compound. Even though she knows she's alone now (with Tomas now dead -- she barely even blinks at this news), she's still the same hardass, absolutely pwning Grace when she comes to bring her food. When Grace expresses her doubts to Henrik about Helena, he brushes them off with some nonsensical speech about family. How anyone (in real life) falls for this cult stuff, I'll never understand. I almost fell asleep during his little monologue.

I was snapped back to an alert state by the insane initiation/ceremony/inauguration of Helena by the Prolethians. Obviously drugged up on some sort of tranquilizer, Helena isn't really conscious as she's surrounded by the cult, dressed in a white robe, and then carried off into a room by Henrik. No idea what happens in there, but in any event it was the creepiest. I hope, by the end of Season 2, Helena kills them all.

As I said earlier, Sarah deserved to be kidnapped by Daniel, and as they're driving away in his car, I just know they're going to crash. It's the cardinal rule of TV shows: if you see someone driving from multiple camera angles in the car and you don't normally see them driving, they're going to crash. And it happens. Maybe this harsh lesson will snap some sense into Sarah.

The Golden Clone: (I'll be awarding the best clone of the week) No one really blows me away this week, but I think I'll give it to Cosima, because who amongst us can say we could so stoically watch ourselves die on-screen (from an illness we know we have too) and then dissect our own body? Cripes.

Random Thoughts:

  • Felix on Kira's father: "I had it narrowed down to Ziggy the drummer and that guy you met in Orange County, at that bar."
  • Donnie on having sex: "Morning's my best time." (I wish Kristian Bruun winked after he said that, that would have been awesome.)
  • Alison: "Holy ffffffishsticks." -- that's how I'd react if Angie popped up near my car too.
  • "I love your kicks!" Oh, shut up, Angie.
  • Someone backstage, before the performance, is singing "meow meow meow meow." I didn't catch if it was Alison or not, but in any case, amazing.
  • I was actually afraid to watch the musical scene. My palms were sweating. Well done building tension, "Orphan Black"!
  • In lieu of Felix bum, this week we got Tatiana bum. Nice change of pace.
  • One last parenting tip from a non-parent: Sarah, never tell your child that "nothing bad is going to happen" to them. In most cases, the exact opposite is true.

Episode 2 Recap

Episode 1 Recap

"Orphan Black"