06/30/2014 02:11 EDT | Updated 06/28/2016 02:59 EDT

A Friendly Canada Day Message To Our Neighbours In The United States

Dear USA,

We get that you don’t get it. But, believe it or not, Canada is not a colony of your country. We’re an independent nation and we have a day to celebrate that independence. It’s like the Fourth of July ... but better.

Still confused? Here's why Canada Day is the best.

On July 1, 1867, the Dominion of Canada was created. No war. Not even a skirmish.

canada confederation

Notice how 1867 comes after 1812? That means you can stop getting angry at us about that war you lost. You were fighting the English, not us.

white house burns canada

We do have to admit that George Washington was pretty badass though...

But so was the father of our country.

This is John A. Macdonald.

He was our first prime minister and was famous for his wit. Especially when he was drinking.

It’s said that Macdonald was once so drunk during a debate that he started vomiting.

After recovering, he blamed the sickness on his opponent’s disgusting ideas.

canada day 2014 johna
(Credit: Andrew Hutchison)

Macdonald succeeded in achieving Confederation, merging several British colonies into a single nation.


You think you’re the only ones with Founding Fathers? Not a chance. We’ve got “Fathers of Confederation.”

Fathers with awesome mutton chops...

Oliver Mowat

William Alexander Henry

John Hamilton Gray

And everything about Canada Day is so fresh.

We’re only 149 years old.

canada day baby

Our flag is just 50 years old.

canada flag

We’ve only been calling it Canada Day since 1982 (it was Dominion Day before that).

dominion day

And "O Canada" only became our official anthem in 1980.

Did we mention that the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner" were written while you Yanks were getting bombarded with cannonballs during that war you lost?

And speaking of explosions. That’s one thing Independence Day and Canada Day have in common.

OK, we also share this.

And this.

canada day trailer

canada day trailer2

Actually, come to think of it, we’re pretty similar after all.

canada day 2014

Best friends forever?



P.S. We’re sorry. We know we screwed up.

Ed note: This post was updated to reflect Canada's 'age' of 149 in 2016.

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