03/16/2015 05:03 EDT | Updated 03/17/2015 11:59 EDT

St. Patrick's Day Jokes You Can Tell Over Beers

St. Patrick's Day arrives Tuesday (March 17).

Originally a Catholic feast day, it has become an occasion in which people all over the world celebrate Irish culture, be it literature, music or, of course, the country's famous pints.

One great thing about Irish culture is its wit and humour. Some wonderful, hilarious and, in some cases, dark jokes have come out of the Emerald Isle, and they provide plenty of material for friends to laugh at over a pint of Guinness.

Here are some Irish jokes you and your mates can tell each other for St. Patrick's Day.

What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't walk around thinking he's Bono.

Source: Irish Central

Source: Irish Central

Jimmy-Joe acquired an injury while tap dancing. He broke his ankle when he fell in the sink.

Source: Ireland-Information

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

Source: A Bit O' Blarney

Source: Irish Central

Customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

Source: A Bit O' Blarney

Source: Irish Central

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.

The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Source: Taste Ireland

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"

Billy says, "In the car."

Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

Source: Taste Ireland

Paddy just got from his mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

Source: Taste Ireland

A duck was about to cross the road, and a chicken came running up to him saying, "Don't do it, man! You'll never hear the end of it!"

Source: Taste Ireland

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" Gallagher asked. "They say I died!"

"Yes, I saw it!" Finney replied. "Where are you callin' from?"


Source: Swenson Funnies

In life, there are only two things to worry about. Whether you'll live or you'll die.

If you live, there is nothing to worry about.

If you die, there are two things to worry about: whether you'll go to Heaven or Hell.

If you go to Heaven, there is nothing to worry about.

If you go to Hell, you'll be shaking hands with so many friends you won't have time to worry.

Source: Island Ireland

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