02/24/2016 02:58 EST | Updated 02/24/2016 02:59 EST

Oscars Fashion Predictions 2016: What We Want To See The Stars Wear

I make the rules here. I mean, not technically. Technically, my editor (hi Madelyn!) oversees what I say and do, and technically I have no actual say in the fashion industry, and technically I do not make the rules at all.

But when it comes to the Oscars, I’m convinced it’s on me — that my (and your) opinions on dresses and red carpets matter more than anybody else’s and that if movie stars would just listen to me for once in their lives, the world would be a better place.

So that’s what I’m writing this. In hopes that it will be stumbled upon by nominees, presenters, and attendees, here’s who I hope will wear what. Please direct all thank-you speeches to me.

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