04/18/2017 10:29 EDT

9 Questions Every Parent Has Had About 'Paw Patrol'

If you have a child under the age of five, it's entirely possible that at some point today you whispered to yourself these three little words:

"Marshall! Rubble! Chase!"

That is, before you caught yourself and stopped short of running through the entire "Paw Patrol" gang. Because you have some self-respect.

"Paw Patrol" is a force to be reckoned with in the preschool set. But as a parent, some questions just can't be ignored about this saccharine show. And we're determined to get to the bottom of them.

Where are Ryder's parents?

Look, it's bad enough he appears to own these six dogs without anyone questioning that, but why does this 10-year-old not have any parental guidance of his own? Is he some kind of orphaned Doogie Howser?

Also, where is Ryder getting all this money?

Those Pup Pad bills aren't paying themselves. It's possible there's some funding from the town, but unless his parents are dead and he's living off their insurance policy, there's definitely some Robin Hood-ing going on here, at the very least.

Why are Adventure Bay's emergency services run by puppies?

Because dogs will, at some point, be dogs.

No, seriously. The entire premise is terrifying.

What did local government ever do to the writers of this show?

Between clueless Mayor Goodway and evil Mayor Humdinger, it's obvious someone in the writer's room has a problem with authority.

Actually, what did adults ever do to the writers of this show?

More often than not, Mr. Porter ends up with food on his head. Or stuck somewhere.

Not convinced yet? How about Captain Turbot and his cousin Francois?

Don't even get us started on the French stereotypes. That scarf! The stripes! The accent.

Real talk: why is the clumsiest pup the one in charge of medical equipment?

Marshall literally can't keep himself upright. This was obviously not very well thought through.

What is the deal with the girl pups?

skye flying

Not only are there not enough of them, but do they really need to be decked out in pink and purple?

More to the point, Skye was the only pup with the ability to fly. Once everyone got their air vehicles, she was right back to ground zero.

Is there some reason for Paw Patrol to perpetuate the myth of the evil cat?

paw patrol kittens

Other than increasing love for animated pups, we mean. Mayor Humdinger — despite being saved by the Paw Patrol over and over again — is obviously not a good guy, but do his minions need to be (allergy-inducing) cats?

Perhaps it's time to raise a generation that doesn't despise poor little kitties.

Last but not least, why is Ryder incapable of handling seemingly simple problems on his own?

You're a human boy, Ryder. You can probably help those sea turtles into the ocean without making your pups feel badly about doing it wrong.

Of course, at the end of the day, we're not about to stop our kids from watching this generally wholesome, harmless show.

After all, no job is too big ... oh never mind.

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